| Can movies "influence" people to commit suicide? If you answered "yes" then you're an idealistic liberal Nazi. Can movies "make" you kill yourself? YES, THEY CAN! This may be the last review by yours truly, because, after watching "9 Deaths Of The Ninja", I'm going to that big apple in the sky or whatever it's called, all because of this vile piece of vomit by self-mutilation. Tell your fellow anti-movie-hating liberals that yes there is a movie that exerts suicidal tendencies and it's called "9 Deaths Of The Ninja". I'll e-mail the liberals my ugly face so they use it as an example as to why shitty movies kill. They can put under my picture, "This fat-ass idiot killed himself over '9 Deaths Of The Ninja'. He will be sorely missed." Then plagiarize it as a means to ban this film from public viewing or further DVD releases. I'm willing to play the martyr.
The movie started off good. I mean, Sho and some idiot assassinating some Arabs, which turns out to be a training sequence? It was lovely. Then from there on out it's completely sucky. This is probably the most crappy and inconsistent film ever made, and I'm talking bad. It's like the evil step brother of "Plan 9 From Outer Space". The storytelling is so incoherent, it was almost impossible to sit through and follow. I got the premise that is about some terrorist group lead by a Nazi cripple with a pet monkey and some soul chick who calls herself Colonel Honey Hump that takes hostages so they can free some 7-foot wacko--but the storytelling is horrid.
"9 Deaths" does have its comical moments, I think. I'm not even sure as to whether the comedy was intentional or not. The comedy moments were shit, like when Sho fights some midgets dressed up Michael Jackson (or gangsters or whatever). Errr...that's about it.
One thing that did make me laugh so loud that I puked out my lungs was the credits at the beginning. As the title credits ensue, you'll see Sho perform his ninjitsu in a sexually suggestive form while some love song is playing. Then these ballerina dancers start prancing about (dis)gracefully. Oh my god, I wanted to die.
The action in this film wasn't any good either. It's like "Revenge Of The Ninja", only abate times 1,000,000,000,000,001. It was sloppier than hell and (by far) doesn't make up for this film's crappiness.
Another example of the film's absurdity (in a bad way) is Sho dressing up like an old man for no apparent reason as he beats up some guys. WHAT THE FUCK IS IT ALL ABOUT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!?
You know what, scratch the suicide thing. All I have to do is watch it again and I'll get some sort of telepathic infliction which will exert a brain tumor, followed by encephalitis, then my head will explode. There we go, that outta' bring the religious nut-jobs to help with banning this ass soup. |
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