The Calamari Wrestler: Quick Takes

When I go drinking, I usually like to order up a big plate of fried things to stuff my face with while I share half of my beer with my shirt. Usually, there’s onion rings and chicken fingers. Every once in awhile, they’ll have fried calamari on the menu, at which point I yell “STOP THE PRESS!!” at the top of my lungs. See, I love fried things. Hell, you could fry up “Spicy Lint Ball” and I’d be happy. But calamari? Fuggedaboutit! So, when I saw that there was an entire live action movie based on a giant squid that wrestles in the pros and kicks major ass, well, I was the first in line to see it (not that there was a line). Without giving too much away, the film involves a big squid that is somehow under a spell and wrestles for some reason or another. Naturally, there’s a love affair between him and a little Japanese (human) hottie (with a touching scene of the two playing around in the park, walking hand in--um--tentacle into the sunset, etc). The best part is that all the wrestling fans are totally not trippin’ that there’s a big-ass squid in the ring wrestling! They’re like, “Oh, it’s a big squid. Cool!” I mean, WTF, only in Japan could you get away with this stuff! Naturally, the Calamari Wrestler has enemies that try to bring him down and that’s where the plot thickens. I’m not saying you should be totally stoned or anything when you watch this...