Training sequences with Simon Yuen are quite entertaining, even if Jackie’s constant whining (supposedly for comedic value) is trying on the nerves. Jackie’s comedy is an acquired taste to say the least! Having said this, the training sequences certainly show off Jackie’s impressive physicality.

First a guy that looks like Elvis says he's taken a kung fu bounty on some guy and proceeds to kick his hiney in, culminating a freeze frame of Elvis kicking the guy in the chest with both feet to deliver the death blow. Which was kind of cool 'cause it looked like the "to be continued" last panel of an old issue of Tales of Suspense where Batroc the Leaper kicked Captain America right in the star on Cap's chest (Don't worry. In the next issue Cap wipes the floor with Batroc.). After the credits, Jackie's practicing kung fu with his class but he decides that his teacher, this guy with a huge mole and more hair coming out of it than is on Bruce Willis' head, is a real dork. So Jackie kung fu's him all over the floor until Mole Man calls recess.

On the break the guys in Jackie's class see a babe so they bet Jackie that he can't get a kiss AND a hug. Why is the hug the second thing? I've hugged women I've barely met. But try getting a little lip action and that's all she wrote. Anyway, Jackie cons her into a kiss and gets the hug when he scares her with a snake. The babe's mother comes out and tells Jackie "Hey, that's my daughter and did you know I was one of the original Solid Gold dancers?" But Jackie tells her that Donna Summer sucked so she disco fu's Jackie all over the court yard. Upset that he got whooped by a woman, he sees a guy in a Good humor suit pay a dime for a piece of jade that an old guy is selling for ten bucks. When good humor refuses to pay up, he smashes the jade so Jackie teaches him a lesson in supply-side economics and does $100 in collateral damage to the old guys shack to get the ten bills out of the ice cream guy. Jackie goes home to find that the disco queen is really his aunt (which makes the kiss from the babe really weird since that's his first cousin, but nobody thinks twice about it) and Good Humor's father comes in to moan about Jackie not working and playing well with others.

So old man makes Jackie pretend he's a Barco-Lounger and crouch with his arms out for three hours. but Jackie cheats and his dad says that it's time for the big guns, his uncle is going to teach him kung fu. But Jackie hears that his uncle is badder than old King Kong and meaner than a junk yard dog, so Jackie runs away. He winds up in a restaurant where he tries to scam some food, but he gets caught and an oriental Arnold Schwartzenegger kung fu's Jackie until he horks back up the whole meal. After Jackie's last Technicolor yawn, he's rescued by the Drunken Master, who turns out to be uncle. He trains Jackie a little but Jackie runs away and meets up with Elvis. Elvis plays "Don't Be Cruel" on rib cage and Jackie figures he better head back to his uncle, not only to train but because the old guy has the Beefeater.

The Drunken Master tries to get Jackie into the kung fu training but Jackie doesn't care until they decide to run a three card monte con. This bald guy sees his rent go into the Drunken Master's pocket and decides to deliver some vigilante justice. Jackie plays the drum solo to "Wipe Out" on the guy's skull, and before the bald guy lapses into a coma he tells them, "I'm gonna get my big brother! Then you'll be sorry!". Then the Drunken Master makes Jackie pretend he's Rocky Balboa and they do some training until the bald guy, moments away from the aneurysm, shows up with his brother stick man. Stick man does the job on Drunken Master because Jackie brought back Perrier instead of Stoli, but Jackie still manages to take him down. Then the Drunken master explains that the only way to fight is completely wasted because even if you can't beat the guy at least you're numb.

So they Rocky a little more and then Jackie does his drunk Rocky so we know he's ready to face Elvis again. But Elvis is busy using his swivel hip fu on dad because the Good Humor guy's old man took out a contract on him. Jackie shows up just in time, but Elvis whips out a little "Teddy Bear" ands starts winning. Then the Drunken master shows up, tosses Jackie a bottle of Jack Daniels and tells him "Make him pay for Kissing Cousins and a Change of Habit!" So Jackie drunk fu's Elvis all the way back to "Jailhouse Rock" which even Jackie has to admit was not bad. And the whole family walks off into the sunset. Overall I have to say that I like Chan's later stuff better than this. After ten minutes, as good as the choreography is, it really is all the same. The last third of the movie was viewed in fast forward and I don't think I missed any of the plot. 5/10

You'd think that page one in the Shaolin Temple Handbook is "Don't just stand there and let the guy hit you." And yes, its all punctuated all those loud sound effects (the swoosh, the pop, et al). That being said, it's about the best cheesy chopsocky flick you're likely to see. This comic take on the youth of Chinese legend Wong Fei-Hung, is filled with, quite possibly, the most remarkable abundance of spectacular fighting choreography ever amassed into a single film. I'm saying, not only are the fight scenes great, there's so many of them! Jackie seems to get into a fight everywhere he goes in this movie. If his teacher says, "Let's go to town." it means there's gonna be a fight in town. I'll put it this way, when I out for a quart of milk, I come back with a quart of milk. When Wong Fe-Hung goes out for a quart of milk, he'll beat up two guys along the way and have big showdown with the cashier at the deli.

But another reason I love this movie is, because the fighting keeps you glued, all the cheesy overtones just seem like entertaining bonuses thrown into the whole mix. Example, during Jackie's punishment through practice scenes, why is there this freaky Greek mandolin music playing? They used the same kind of music in just about every scene of "Hercules in New York," but in that context it made a little sense. Another thing, all the villains in the movie have names that describe their talents and/or oddities, like a kung fu version of Dick Tracy. Just like Flat Top having a head with a flat top, our main antagonist is a guy with a powerful kick named Thunderfoot, played by Korean martial artist Wang Jang Lee, who bears a remarkable resemblance to Tony Orlando (Anyone ever see the two of them together? Me neither.). I guess that either his parents had foresight, or he adopted it along the way. My guess is he showed up a the office one day, and something like this happened:

Phil: You know something Bob?
Bob: What, Phil?
Phil: I love to kick things. I really love it, I just kick things all the time. Kick kick kick. I'm a kickin' fool. In fact, you might as well just call me Thunderfoot.
There's also a guy with a really hard head, who, based on the way he introduces himself, was apparently raised on James Bond films. "They call me Rat. Ironhead Rat." But my personal favorite is King of Sticks. What's with this guy? They say, "Who are you?" and he says "KING OF STICKS!" First of all, anybody who proclaims himself to be the king of something has serious insecurity issues, and if there's any doubt that that's true, look no farther than Lord of the Dance Michael Flatly. Second, this guy can't fight without a stick? Jackie shows up at King's (or is it Mr. of Sticks?) place, and the guy turns to his lackey and says "Get my Stick!" The next time you get into a fight on the street, see what happens when you say, "Hold up, I'll fight you guys, but first I have to go home and get my stick." Throw a Freudian interpretation of that into the whole mix and you got one screwed up bad guy. All this and: the buck-toothed waiter, the fact that in the dubbed version, instead of Fei-Hung, Jackie is called Freddy, Jackie gets hit butt kicked by an old lady, and so much more. I LOVE THIS MOVIE!