..."it stinks."

How, exactly, does it stink? Well, let's have a look, shall we? I'll despense with the usual reviewer's plot-rehashings (you can always read the misleading story descriptions elsewhere) and go straight to the who-and-why of this cinematic smell-o-fest...

1. "Failure to Live Up to Concept"
Sure, the original BLACK MASK (directed by Daniel Lee and starring Jet Li) had some pacing issues and got a little too silly with it's sci-fi concepts. And BLACK MASK 2: CITY OF MASKS just went completely, unnaturally haywire from the very beginning (despite starring the supremely hot Traci Lords, and the ever-less-tied-to-logic filmmaking style of Tsui Hark). But at least those films had some sort of dramatic flow, no matter how cartoonish or outlandish they got. BMVCM, on the other hand, doesn't even really live up to it's title.

I bought the VCD of this "movie" (I guess I was feeling a little "gambly" myself, that day...) thinking it might be an amusing concept: an unlicensed meeting of two popular movie characters, "Black Mask" and a kind of faux-"God of Gamblers." Sadly, the only time the two actually, really meet is for a 2-to-3-minute showdown in the last act... followed by a whole other finale not even involving one of them. Underwhelming, to say the least.

2. "Character, Schmaracter"
Bessie Chan and the actress playing her roommate are the only performers to leave this mess unscathed. Cute, engaging and much more convincing than a mess like this deserves, they are the only real highlights.

The actor playing Black Mask himself has some style and charm, but is left hanging out to dry by a limp storyline and a script that has the Black Mask character completely wrong -- he's not so much a supreme fighter/superhero figure as a bumbling former gangster who can't even kill the right person in the first 5 minutes of the film.

And the so-called "Saint of Gamblers" (aka: the "Gambling Mastermind" of the title) is so severely miscast that it was as if the producers needed a lead actor within 10 minutes of shooting Scene One and decided to grab one of the lighting grips and ordered him to "Act! Now!!" Nothing against the actor, mind you; I'm sure he's a decent guy (and sort of reminds me of the child star of DRAGON FROM SHAOLIN, actually). But... Chow Yun-Fat is a Master Gambler. Steven Chow is a Master Gambler. A kid who looks to be in his late teens, running around in a YELLOW T-SHIRT is NOT a debonair Gambling God. This is a kid you order a sandwich from.

And in the biggest mistake of the film, Black Mask and Gambling Mastemind aren't even really the main characters. Who is? A chubby, ridiculously silly boy who runs around carousing and cavorting with bar-girls, living the high life and on the run from the nefarious syndicates. His debts to the Bad Guys are what sets the story in motion. Like a mark bamboozled in a shell-game, we are forced to tag along with this kid and his occasionally amusing shtick when what we actually want is an action free-for-all between a superhero and a Chow Yun-fat wannabe. We get plenty here, but it's nothing of what we want.

3. "Misdirection"
"Movies" that are shot on video may be more prolific in the Asian Territories than other filmmaking areas. But an action/comedy/drama does not translate well onto videotape stock. Maybe when it's transfereed to film, but not like this. Decent camera angles, competent martial arts skills, film-style editing and a rousing background music-score can't hide an obvious lack of funds -- ESPECIALLY when about 70 percent of that music is PIRATED from the Brad Fiedel score to TERMINATOR 2: JUDGMENT DAY (did they really think we wouldn't notice??).

I might be a little harsh, here, as I don't know the historical details of the "movie's" production. Maybe this was some college kid's Film School Project. Or maybe it's really meant to be a made-for-television movie along the lines of THE HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS ON GILLIGAN'S ISLAND. In short, the actors try their best to make this junkfest work despite a production team that needed A LOT MORE MONEY and a screenplay that needed A LOT MORE WORK.