Lau Ching-wan is the first ghost Sammi sees with her left eye. Lau Ching-wan is dressed like a refugee from downtown L.A.'s skid row, replete with diving goggles, eight layers of shirts, a tie, a ripped sport coat, a thermos, high water trousers and a pair of powder blue Chuck Taylors. Lau Ching-wan was once one of the coolest actors in Hong Kong cinema. Not anymore.

Johnnie To is really gifted at eliciting eardrum shattering screams from his actresses. Johnnie To is also adept at letting the cameras roll while Lau Ching-wan and Sammi Cheng preen, mug and improvise as if they were handed blank scripts and simply told to make goofy faces and act really silly. Johnnie To has directed much-talked about and widely loved films like A Hero Never Dies, Fulltime Killer, The Mission and Needing You. Johnnie To, who once helmed a host of films now deemed classics of Hong Kong cinema, is now directing crap.

Simon Yam appears briefly as a suitor of Sammi's sister. Sammi plunges a Taser into Simon's gut repeatedly. Simon winces. Repeatedly. Simon has appeared in some of the best films to ever come out of Hong Kong. Simon probably wishes Johnnie To would stop asking the cast of The Mission to appear in his romantic comedies.

Lam Suet appears briefly as Sammi's father. Suet also probably wishes Johnnie To would stop asking the cast of The Mission to appear in his romantic comedies. Suet also needs to shave that long-ass hair that protrudes grotesquely from that mole on his chin.

Kelly Lin, one of the hottest actresses in Hong Kong, has a two minute cameo as a ghost. Alexander was hoping for more of Kelly Lin. Alexander, in summarizing the crappiest elements of My Left Eye Sees Ghosts, implores the readers of this review to stay far, far away from this film. Alexander wonders, Has there ever been another movie in the history of world cinema that so effectively ruined the once cool images of so many of the film's participants?