Review: It appears my hunch was right on this one, but since I’m such a fan of mystery and watching youngsters uncover a diabolical scheme, I went against myself and decided to view this film. Honestly speaking, I had a much better time watching late-night Scooby Doo cartoons on the Cartoon Channel than this less than after-school level movie. I remember taking Japanese class in my high school days and watching some uber-cool ghost and mystery shows on Fridays. The class would watch and actually be entertained at the sheer pleasure of being spooked. However, Shinjuku Boy Detectives fails in all departments.

Sosuke is the scooter-riding protagonist with a rebellious side. His best friend, Him Tae Ron, is a computer geek whose mother forbids him to hang around Sosuke. Mei Hang is a TV commercial model who is forever haunted by the press. She meets another girl, Honji, who quickly becomes her best friend. This motley crew of teenagers make up, please excuse what I’m about to say, the sorriest bunch of detectives ever known to mankind. All four characters have their background stories, which I didn’t care for much after even two viewings. You see, I gave the film two viewings just to give it another chance, but what a waste of time that was.

The movie’s plot I’m sure is the cause to my disinterest. The character development tried very hard to explain itself, but it just didn’t flow well enough for the viewers to become involved. It seemed like a short TV show elongated with some scenes that shouldn’t have been printed at all. I was left with this sort of clueless look on my face, something I don’t do normally unless pushed to the very limits of my tolerance for stupidity. Well, despite the mess this film had become and also jumping into my all-time worst movie list, there were a couple high points to the film. The Mei Hang character is very cute indeed and the other high point is of course we are treated to NO sequels.

If you’ve been with Kung Fu Cult Cinema for a while and have read some of my reviews then you would know I never give a bad recommendation nor do I not suggest a viewing of a film. I believe that viewers are given the opportunity to watch a film for themselves and have their own thoughts and opinions, but trust me on this; you may want to stay away from this movie as far as humanly possible. You can be doing something more useful with your time and money like buying the Region 1 DVD version of Versus.

If there is form at all to this movie, it is found through characters’ relationships and reactions rather than plot. Normally, this can be a good thing, but here the characters leave much to be desired. Sosuke (Aiba Masaki) is an arrogant, annoying high schooler who forces money out of his father. He’s also the character that we are meant to identify with and like. The film opens with a visually interesting montage (that, like the film itself, is far too long for it’s own good) of him riding around the city on his scooter. The montage also includes brief clips of the other characters’ defining characteristics. After getting money out of his father, Sosuke comes across a strange girl and is briefly attacked, though not injured, by an animal-like robot. When the robot is gone, it leaves behind a glowing red amulet-like device, which Sosuke inevitably sees and takes. He takes it to Kentarou (Jun Matsumoto), a relative genius that is somehow a friend of his, to explain it to him. Kentarou eventually is able to explain to Sosuke that it is a communication device. The two eventually run into Mika (Kyoko Fukada), a big star known for her advertisements and a cooking show done with her parents, and Kyouko (Ai Katou). Accurately reflecting real life, the four teenagers instantly become best of friends. When they run into Arisa (Ayana Sakai), the girl Sosuke saw before encountering the robot, Mika pities her lack of relations and promises to be her friend. When the robot returns, two strange men, one looking very much like a young Japanese David Bowie, show up and save the students. The last third of the film deals with tensions between children and parents, our alliances given to the former, and some confusing science fiction that bad subtitles don’t help.

Fuchii Masafumi is far too talented for this kind of movie. For about half of it, he tries to direct the movie as a standard teen film; for the other half, he finds ways to inject grandiose style and atmosphere. At times the style is unnecessary and, had the film itself been of any relative quality, might have been detrimental. As it stands, however, those random, pointless, beautiful shots are some of the only things that keep the film somewhat watchable. In the final act, Masafumi unleashes some special effects, relatively impressive for the low quality of the rest of the movie, that are really nice to watch. Sadly, this doesn’t make up for the inner weaknesses of the movie.

The acting is, in general, average at best. Most of this is likely due to the weaknesses of the script, but as this is also a vehicle for pop figures (Aiba Masaki is a member of Arashi and Kyoko Fukada, while no Ayumi Hamasaki, has quite a fan base), I wouldn’t expect it to be much better. Surprisingly, Kyoko Fukada is one of the movie’s strongest performers (not to mention its most alluring eye candy), though that’s not worth much in this context. Ayana Sakai does a good job in her shallow role and manages to make her far more intriguing and even charismatic than Masaki’s Sosuke. The rest of the acting, while not really horrendous, leaves much to be desired.

The score is arguably “Shinjuku...”’s weakest point. Not only does the annoying, shoddy score make sappy scenes even more painful to sit through, it often ruins scenes that could have had some strength to them. Examples of this abound, but one of the more painful to me is when at the end of a tense scene between Arisa and her “father” in an unfinished skyscraper the god-awful music chimes in, trying to ‘enhance’ the climax of the scene. Before that point, music had been absent, and the scene had actually been working. At the score’s chime, though, the scene was lowered to the level of the rest of the movie.

This is not a completely terrible film, and had only a few things been changed it would have been a fun and worthwhile viewing for any thirteen year old boy or girl. Indeed, as it stands many kids in the ten to thirteen range will enjoy it – the boys for the robot, special effects, and gadgets – the girls for Mika’s struggles and relationships. However, some kids would be asleep before the second chapter begins and many of the rest would turn it off after fifteen or twenty minutes. As I said earlier, avoid this unless you are a fan of the genre or Kyoko Fukada.