The film begins with some professor telling us about a strange phenomenon, in which a man was unable to kill himself. We are then shown our hero(?), Yoshio (Masahiro Satô), a down-on-his-luck office employee. He is the constant butt of inner office jokes, can never seem to find a nice girl, and is humiliated almost daily by his harsh boss. Tired of all the abuse he feels at work, Yoshio locks himself in his apartment for days. When he doesn't receive a phone call, he realizes that everyone has forgotten about him already, so in a fit of rage, he slits his wrist. He slumps to the floor waiting to die, but nothing happens. He feels no pain, and the wound has stopped bleeding. Confused, he attempts to kill himself a few more times with the same effect. When Yoshio finally comes to the ironic conclusion that he can't die, he decides to use his newfound secret to his advantage by extracting some revenge on his co-workers.

It might sound morbid, but I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. There were just so many hilarious scenes, it was hard not to laugh. For instance, when Yoshio first realizes he can't die--while slitting his throat and waiting for something to happen, he spits blood everywhere, then looks at the camera and says "This is nasty." Maybe it's a visual thing, but I could not stop laughing. I think part of it comes from the fact that Masahiro Satô did a great job of pulling off these physical gags. This movie is plain and simple, a slapstick comedy with A TON of gore. And believe you me, there is a lot of gore. Not as much as other Guinea Pig titles, but still enough to make even the most hardcore gore hound happy. Where else do you get to see a man tear out all his organs until all that's left is his ribcage and spinal cord?

This was a really great movie, but it would have benefited from being a tad longer. They could have easily tacked on another 30+ minutes of Yoshio terrorizing more co-workers, or just having fun mutilating himself. That seemed to be the only major problem with the film, the running time. The ending was a bit of a letdown as well, as it didn't stick to the style of the rest of the film, but this was a pretty minor flaw in the grand scheme of things. The end credits were nice as well, as they played all the dismemberment and self mutilation scenes in reverse, which really looked odd to say the least. Overall it was a very funny movie. Even the graphic scenes were done in such a way that it was humorous. The only reason they might seem graphic to some people is because of how realistic they look. I know I speak for more than just myself when I say that this is exactly what horror fans around the globe are looking for in a film. In that regard, Guinea Pig delivers.

8/10.

He never dies comes across as slightly more sophisticated - after all, it's based on sworn testimony, or so a Caucasian guy would have us believe who starts the movie sitting behind a desk and pretending to be a professor. Pointing out that despite science's marvellous progress, there are still many things we cannot understand (e.g.: "Why UFOs do not show themselves in their true colors to human on Earth, although they've been observed many times?"), he then proceeds to introduce the main story, all the while insisting it to be "reality as captured on film".

Our hero, Hideshi, is a mild-mannered loser working at a computer company, writing little BASIC programs (see screenshot) and getting no respect. Understandably frustrated, he goes home (the professor at his desk interrupts by informing us that "some people can accomplish anything, others can succeed at nothing") and, after failing to bore himself to death, proceeds to gorily slash his wrist. But guess what? He doesn't die. Cutting off his own hand (the subtitles go: "Die! Shit! Shit! Die! Yell!") doesn't do the job, either. What about the throat? Nope.

Remember, this is still a Guinea Pig movie. The special effects are played straight, depicting every cut in loving close-up, even though the plot now starts to become just a bit odd. Bizarrely enough, the most realistic bit of the movie is Hideshi's self-mocking and child-like way of dealing with the situation, considering his fate ("strange but interesting"), laughing at the absurdity of it all, lamenting "What will my father say? Ah! I want to die." and finally concluding with "I'm hungry."

The film now cuts back to the computer company office, where the gal who he took an interest in talks into the camera as if being interviewed for a news feature. "I am, you know, rather, what can I say, a person with great sensibility, no?" And then joins the chorus with her co-workers: "Why don't you die now?"

Obviously, something has to be done. After all, the gal is just screwing his best friend when Hideshi calls him up ("and bring a hatchet"). What would YOU do? Well, he decides to gross the guy (who wears an Elvis Presley mask) out. More gore. "What's that? It's a large intestine. I cut it out. But I do not die. Look!"

The gal, still waiting in the car all the time, decides to go and have a look what's keeping her beau. But I really can't go on relating the plot. Watch He never dies yourself if you got a strong stomach.

But guess what? There's a happy ending.