And that's just what happens in "Ninja - The Final Duel". Apparently, those ninjas want to be even badder asses, and so they attack the Shaolin Temple in China. After unsuccessfully trouncing the snot out the Shaolin monks, the leader of the ninja clan commits suicide to preserve his honor. Now, we all know that honor runs thick among thieves, so think how it must run amongst those black-clad masters of night. Soon enough, another ninja master, this one even meaner and nastier than the first (you can tell by his poor Sonny Chiba impersonation), sets about on a "glorious massacre" (his words, not mine) of the Shaolin monks.

Now, maybe I have a different idea of just what a "glorious massacre" entails, but apparently, it involves giant amphibious spider-shaped boats that can fly, a weird flute, mad tunneling skills (like those Bugs Bunny cartoons), and lots of maniacal laughter and disappearing. Normally, I don't even think Shaolin monks could handle this sort of onslaught, but fortunately they have help in the form of a traveling Japanese monk with a serious Bruce Lee complex, a black monk from Harlem, and a woman who fights best when completely stark naked.

From a sheer technical standpoint, I think it's pretty much a miracle that all of that even exists on the same reel of film. I would love to have been in on one of the production meetings for this movie.

I want to meet the man who thought that ninjas, already pretty hardcore to begin with, would be even tougher while paddling about on floating spiders (and wearing black Speedos). Also, you'd think that someone would point out to the director that ninjas wearing brightly colored cat masks and making loud growling noises wouldn't be too effective in covert operations. I want to meet the person (I can only assume it was a man) who thought "Hey, let's make Alice Tseng fight completely naked for 10 minutes, then construct a skimpy bikini out of a sheet and fight for 10 more." Sadly, this is Tseng's only movie that I could find, so if you want to catch her nude fighting skills, this is it.

And finally, just where in the heck did the black monk from Harlem come from (aside from Harlem)? It's a kung fu movie about ninjas killing Shaolin monks, and then a jive talkin' monk from New York just appears out of nowhere?!? And no one acts like its any big thing. Personally, if I was a Shaolin monk in the wilderness of China, I'd at least do a double take if I saw a brother from the 'hood sauntering up my temple steps.

It's just ludicrous and downright wacky enough to make you overlook the extremely stereotypical treatment of the man (and you have wonder what Eugene Trammel thought of his character when he read the script, assuming there was a script). The dialog between him and the film's hero (yes, there is one, but he's fairly ignorable) makes "Dolemite" look like a Shakespearean rendition.

Speaking of Dolemite, Rude Ray Moore himself reedited and redubbed this movie to create "Shaolin Dolemite". I haven't seen "Shaolin Dolemite", but I have seen the original "Dolemite". Somehow, the thought of Rudy Ray Moore being involved with "Ninja - The Final Duel" in any way somehow makes sense, in a sick, demented sort of way.

There's no real sane way to look at this movie. It's comparable to other delirious chopsocky fair like "Chinese Super Ninjas" (although that movie still has a special place in my heart). And some have compared it to "Duel To The Death", probably because both movies feature insanely crazy ninjawork that takes great liberties with stuff like the laws of physics. Although "Duel To The Death" is an infinitely better film, you're not going to watch "Ninja - The Final Duel" for the same reasons.

This is one of those "Dude, you won't believe what I just saw" sort of movies, the kind that gives you bragging rights (if only because you survived it). So be proud that you spent money on this film. Drag your friends to the living room, kicking and screaming. Turn a deaf ear to their pleas to fast forward through the poor dialog and needless exposition. Soon, the whole gang will be going nuts. If it's not Tseng's revolutionary performance, it'll be the Californian monks (did I forget to mention them?). If it's not the flying water spiders, it'll be Harlem's Shaolin brother. If it's not the ninja leader's disturbingly short shorts, it'll be his disturbingly smooth legs. If not the action choreography and bloodshed, the dubbing (which ranges from horrible to hilarious).

Come to think of it, this movie has something for everyone.

Ninja movies excite people and the golden era of those was probably the 80s where we got some really hokey but fun productions coming out several movie making indusries (including sweden!). According to movies Ninjas had a wonderful array of useful and pretty much worthless techniques and some of the more worthless ones makes a movie like Ninja The Final Duel so much fun to watch. Four words: water spider assault unit.

This taiwanese production is actually a sequel to Shaolin vs. Ninja (also directed by Robert Tai) and for us who missed that a quick and funny recap is shown and told by, what seems, to be someone who dubbed old war propaganda movies (Let's hear it for the boys in blue!). The plot in this movie then goes a little something like this:

A japanese ninja master commits harakiri after a lost conflict with the chinese Shaolin monks and his followers decide to take revenge and destroy Shaolin for good. At the same time an newly graduated japanese shaolin monk (Alexander Lo who was also in Shaolin vs. Ninja) comes to Hong Kong and gets forced into the battle...

This is not high art and the plot has been seen and done dozens and dozens of times in martial arts cinema. There are movies though that don't need any more plot than this to be enjoyable and Ninja The Final Duel is one of them. The movie is a mess with pretty big plot holes and stuff thrown in for no reason other than to have action but despite all that Robert Tai manages to somehow keep the main plot going somewhat. Director's of your run of the mill kung-fu movie probably never wanted to be extremelty visual and that applies definitely applies to Robert Tai. He doesn't waste too much time on dialogue and of course the shooting of those scenes are not very inspiring. There's hardly time to think about that though since there seems to be new fight scenes each minute and frankly dialogue shouldn't be part of a hokey movie like this one. Robert does seem to like the wide angle lens though for either point of view shots or to create some sense of scope in an action scene. He's also said that he always wanted to try out something new and different and there sure are things in this movie that are different including:

The Water Spiders, Alexander Lo's big fight scene as part of his graduation to become a monk, the Black Monk (Played by Eugene T. Trammel) and for all the lads out there...Alice Tseng's nude fight!

The Water Spiders are part of the different assault techniques used by the Ninjas and not surprisingly they don't look too menacing. The low budget nature of the film doesn't allow for the flying effect in particular to be very effective so it just comes off as pretty silly (but fun). Wires are used for this scene and back then we hadn't witness how wire work could be used smoothly and fluently in films so what you're seeing most of the time here is bascially hoisting. I've said it before though that I admire asian filmmakers for at least trying stuff out no matter how crap it would look in the end.

Ninja The Final Duel only has it's fight scenes to rely on and while there's nothing really special about these, there is a certain energy about them that is quite contagious. The first really big set piece is the mentioned graduation fight scene where Alexander Lo has to face off against techniques such as The Swastika Trap. This scene and many others aren't a showcase for great skill but you will get the sense that there was some thoughts and innovation put into the choreography. They sure seemed to work hard to achieve their goals somewhat successfully. The takes aren't very long and a flow to the choreography isn't really well created through the editing. The editing also feels a bit choppy especially when it cuts to and from a wire stunt. Overall it's is the frantic pace and energy in the action that makes it bearable.

The, according to the Shaolin Monks, legendary Black Monk is a memorable character thanks to some seriously funny dubbing where we get to hear ghetto style jive talk used to the max. In one scene where The Black Monk has burned a decapitated woman (who the hell knows why he had to burn her) he says the following line to a protesting Alexander Lo:

'She's ash, now so don't give me this thrash.'

I'm speechless and speaking of that I wonder if the original language track had english on it because it didn't the hilarious nature of The Black Monk would be completely lost. Last but certainly not least Alice Tseng deserves some credit for getting her kit off and doing a nude fight scene with the ninjas.

It's a really varied character gallery on display in this movie and it's worth noting that the westerners get quite a bit of screentime and dialogue, something that wasn't very common in these types of movies I think. Another fun aspect about martial arts movies was the fact that they used to steal entire sections of scores and music cues from Hollywood pictures and in Ninja The Final Duel I spotted the theme from Das Boot (and they left the submarine sounds in!) being used frequently as well as a short cue from the Ghostbusters tune.

Acting wise there isn't that much to say. Alexander Lo plays our japanese hero of the piece and his character provides no surprises but he sure looks like he's trying his best and it seemed like a fun movie to be apart of. It's actually the different westerners that make the biggest impression in the movie like the mentioned Eugene T. Trammel and Silvio Azzolini who plays a californian monk.

Would I really recommend this movie to anyone? I would rather say that if you're out for a perfect saturday night kung-fu flick (in combination with beers) then it's a good choice. Also if you're curious about just how much insanity can be put into one movie, I think you should check it out. There's only one territory in the world that produced a movie like this...

REVIEW:
While by no means a classic of martial arts cinema, Ninja: The Final Duel has garnered considerable notoriety by aficionados for its gratuitous combination of excessive violence, nudity, and oddities never seen before or since.

The story is strictly low budget and is probably the film's weakest aspect, assuming you like rubber water spiders, naked female fighters, and jive-talking Buddhist monks. Who doesn't?!

The film opens with a great documentary style demonstration of the mystic ninja arts from the "Ninja Light Skill" to the "Water Spider Assault Team," complete with informative text. Ninjas scale cliffs, break ice blocks, and burrow through sand like gophers. Their master brings the whole gang over to China to kill Shaolin monks in retribution for the death of his brother. Meanwhile, Alexander Lo, who plays a Japanese Buddhist monk is enduring an arduous test of his skills in order for him to also journey to Shaolin to respectfully learn from them. Interestingly, Shaolin happens to have several other guests which includes two Nancy boy gwailos from California who hope to learn Shaolin kung fu and a fellow known as the "famous black monk from Harlem." At this point, its not your typical kung fu movie anymore. But then again, this is Robert Tai directing and he's been responsible for more than a few unusual or just plain bad independent films such as Ninja Death (1986) and Death Cage (1988).

After being initially rejected by the abbot of Shaolin, Alexander and his cohort happen upon the athletic Alice Tseng, who is being attacked by thugs. This leads to one of the only nude kung fu scenes ever after she's disturbed by ninja while bathing. She definitely gets the most exploitive treatment in the film and ends up losing her head over it. The Black Monk doesn't fair much better though. Physically, his performance is fine, but some nob gives him a jive-talking dub job. He spouts ridiculous dialogue I haven't heard since Jim Kelly took on "Mr. Han man" in Enter the Dragon (1973). After the Black Monk is found dead, Alexander joins the Shaolin monks in battling the ninjas on land and sea.

This film is packed with loads of wild martial arts action, bad dubbing, worse acting, and even a snippet of the Ghostbusters (1984) soundtrack! Everything is improbable and its constantly thrown at you. The choreography is very animated throughout, but begins to wear thin by the end. Alexander's last duel with the ninja chief becomes downright dull after watching ninja paddling floating, rubber spiders around in a lake. Now that's excitement!

Ninja: The Final Duel is surely a b-movie fan's delight for the most part. It can easily be dismissed as a banal and almost juvenile action film recycled from past films, but therein lies entertaining fodder for camp connoisseurs.