As far as I can surmise, there is supposed to be a tournament between the region's top swordsmen. But after one of them, Sam Siu (Andy Lau), is framed for murder and flees, the other two, Ming (Brigitte Lin, playing a male role complete with some atrocious dubbing of her voice) and Dao (Elvis Tsui), head off to find him.

Or something to that effect. There are just way too many characters and sub-plots thrown in, and making heads or tails of the proceedings is an exercise in futility. Matters aren't helped any by the poor subtitles on the Universe DVD, which are obscured by the actor's white outfits for much of the time, and pretty much incomprehensible even when they're readable.

Normally, the action scenes could save a film like this, and with Tony Leung Siu-Hung and Yuen Bun (two of the more under-rated action directors) at the helm, you might be right. The key word there is "might".

The fights are extremely silly stuff where sleeves can lop off limbs and people just generally bounce around for seemingly no rhyme or reason. Even putting aside the absurdity of the brawls (which are exaggerated even by wu xia standards) the editing is so haphazard that it's hard to tell exactly what the hell is going on.

Ultimately, even though The Three Swordsmen is a sub-par effort, it is salvaged somewhat via the personality of the leads. No one is going to mistake this movie for their best work, but they really seem to be trying, which at least makes the viewer somewhat interested to see their fate. It's too bad, though, that the ultimate payoff for the viewer investing ninety minutes of their time really isn't worth the effort.

Review: Hong Kong’s fantasy swordplay genre was wheezing its last breath when this muddled misfire belatedly limped into cinemas. Whereas Peking Opera Blues was described as a 120-minute movie breathlessly told in ninety, The Three Swordsmen is Once Upon A Time In China Parts 1-3 squeezed into a wearying eighty-six.

Following the plot is akin to reading a book with every other page torn out. Director Taylor Wong Tai-loi (not helped by screenwriters Lee Sai-hung and Shut Mei-yee) clumsily attempts to paper over the narrative holes but, surprisingly for the director of the wild, though coherent Buddha’s Palm (1982), is unable to hold this project together.

A bewildering opening speech introduces myriad main characters and the martial arts contest, while each new scene appears to introduce another character integral to the conspiracy, that ultimately boils down to competition rigging. Character and location titles appear to guide the viewer through the maze-like plot, but none are translated into English on the Universe Laser DVD, whose white subtitles also regularly vanish into the white robes of the characters.

Wong’s dynamic direction, liberally using high, low and canted angles and a variety of camera speeds is more assured, and the wirework swordplay is reasonably accomplished, with action co-choreographer Yuen Bun having previously co-choreographed the more successful Swordsman II (1991). But, whatever sublime grace is to be found in the wirework wushu acrobatics, exploding bodies and dismemberment is frequently lost in a morass of clumsy editing. And with little plot motivation to sustain it, the action becomes a series of punch lines with no build-up.

With secondary characters divulging much of the plot information, the three leads are left hanging by their wires waiting for someone to draw a sword. Lin Ching-hsai’s character Ming Jian (christened ‘Samurai’ on the DVD box) is a man, and the Cantonese track has her dubbed by a male actor, although curiously the Mandarin track features a female voice. Wong may be harking back to the Chinese tradition of women playing male roles that went out of fashion in the 1960s, but visual nods to The Bride with White Hair (1993) suggest he was simply enamored with the actress. Understandable, but then to waste her talents entirely is unforgivable; of the three leads she is most sidelined and her role could easily have been played by a man.

Lau, having more recently achieved international recognition with Infernal Affairs (2002), lets his ego do the acting here. Introduced by floating down to the ground amidst a flurry of petals (and a visible wire), he coasts uninterested through the numerous battles, his grin carrying the performance (his English character name is ‘Smiling Sam’). Tsui’s character (artlessly christened ‘Big Knife’ in English) is most interesting, a retired champion martial arts champion drawn back to the competition because of the scandal surrounding Sam, but is predictably left hanging.

Compensatory pleasures come from art director’s Lau Sai-wan’s sumptuous costumes and sets, often more interesting than the soulless wirework. The music score liberally lifts from Trevor Jones’ score for The Last of the Mohicans (1992) and Shoji Yamashiro’s compositions for Akira (1987) placed incongruously alongside an insipid instrumental Cantopop-style score (courtesy of Cantopop king Lau?).

Ultimately, The Three Swordsmen seems like an indigestible “best of” package cut down from a six-hour miniseries. Or Come Drink With Me as directed by McG.

Here is a case where you have an all star cast, including the likes of Andy Lau (God of Gamblers, Days of Being Wild, Savior of the Soul), Bridgette Lin (Swordsman 2, Chunking Express, Peking Opera Blues), and Elvis Tsui (Gunmen, Viva Erotica, Royal Tramp) hamming it up as the title characters. You get a director like Taylor Wong who previously handled big name stars in Rich and Famous and had a hand in directing two of the big forerunners to the new wave fantasy action movement with the early 80’s films Buddha’s Palm and (one of my nonsense, wacko faves) Return of the Deadly Blade. But it all fails because it has an uninvolving, nearly incomprehensible story. I cannot imagine they had more than a rough idea of a plot because they never stick to any idea, commit to any real story. Its like the done to death blurry, slow motion, wirework, sword swinging fight choreography and its roster of names should be enough to ensure healthy box office. Well, it isn’t. There are so may reasons I should love this movie. Great cast, and the genre is one of my favorites. Its a film where the lead character can decapitate his enemies, just with a flutter of his robe, but, like his foes, it all falls apart in every way.

The story is a complete mess. I mean, it is so bad, it is nearly impossible for me surmise. Between bad writing and bad sub translation, its a real chore. There is complicated backstory that is only spoken of, events offscreen, all told in such a mediocre, ill-translated way, you can tell its a disaster no matter what the language and even if it was translated perfectly. There are also entire conversations that are seemingly psychically communicated, two actors speaking, yet their mouths don’t move. The direction and editing is so dizzying, that too makes just the job of “Who is that flying in the air?” tough to decipher much less where people are standing and what exactly is the location. For Example... At one moment it looks like our hero, Sam Sui (Andy Lau) and Butterfly are escaping the soldiers pursuing them in a field. Then Butterfly falls off a cliff into a river. Sam Sui continues to fight on the field before suddenly disappearing into the ground. Dao (Elvis Tsui), the commander pursuing Sam Sui, informs his men to “Search the celler.” Butterfly, underwater and drowning, swims up to some rocks, movies them aside, and sees Sam Sui, trapped in ice. Thats right, trapped in ice. He then busts through the ice, grabs her, and leaps out of the river, landing in the field again. He puts her on a horse and this is, word for word, his instructions to her- “Here is dangerous. Listen to me. No matter what, just leave here first. You’ll go towards the West. Count the numbers from 1 to 7. Ride up the horse. Later you can see me.” She then rides away only to have him- for no apparent reason- tie a rope to the horse so he can fight and then bungee jump onto the horse after she rides a couple of feet away???

The basic plot, as best I can surmise through the headache I’m still suffering from (and was caused by the film)... Sam Sui is a master swordsman at some competition for master swordsmen, where he is framed for murdering a royal family member. Soon, he and Butterfly, a member of some rival sword school who has the hots for him, are running around being pursued by a ninjalike sword sect and the army commanded by a, guess what?, master swordsman Dao. Dao’s terminally ill daughter, Red Leaf, was a onetime love of Sam Sui. Anyway after a couple of battles where Sam Sui defeats all comers very easily, he and Butterfly go to Swords Villa to rescue her sister and meet up with Ming Jian Kim, yet another master swordsman. After Ming Jian and Sam Sui spend long minutes swiping the empty air, the ground, and flying around, some guy named Yun Dong Wong breaks out of the ground, is a leader of some sort, and was buried for 7 yrs. Something like that, by this point my temples were throbbing... Anyway, the armies all converge on this spot, wanting to arrest the wrongly accused Sam Sui, but he is injured, so they decide to let him rest and have a grand duel. Anyway there’s some kind of backstabbing... Butterfly is kidnapped... Someone wants Ming Jai to be the master swordsman... A Prince shows up to judge the duel... Everybody fights... Its awkwardly filmed making what’s going on hard to discern, and you don’t really care anyway... Its a mess and it made my head hurt...