This was one of those movies that wound up being a pain in the ass for me to acquire so everyone got to see it before me. It was worth the wait though. Thanks to one of my cats on this site I found out that the American title of this flick is "The Challenge" and that information alone made it easier to obtain. The plot, setting and fight frequency of this film are kind of like a combination of "Fist of the North Star" and "Fist of Legend". Very comic book like, in fact the US version is released by Dark Horse. The martial arts choreography was very enjoyable. German fu, I had to see it to believe it. Very sweet. Hell, I think it's cool any time that one of the main characters' trademark moves is a 720. The post-apocalyptic setting was a nice touch for the atmosphere of the film and, combined with the excellent kung fu (with some decent stick and staff combat included), a central message that is based in honor and duty, and a couple very beautiful women to behold this movie is quite the treat for the senses. I would recommend it to the very few of you left who haven't seen it yet and the even fewer of you folks who still trust my judgment.

Well that about does it, campers. 81 reviews, over 150 comments and I got to talk all the shit that I wanted to. It's been real. Thank you to many of you that have read and followed my stuff. F*** you to those of you who didn't or just didn't get it. I hope that all of you find what you are searching for in life. To Jay Lee, JV, Choco and others that I failed to mention--thanks a lot. You guys were awesome. Keep your blades sharp, players. Well, I said my piece. I'm out. BASTARD RONIN HAS LEFT THE BUILDING.

This is possibly the Grandmaster and reigning champ of all bad ass chick flicks. Michelle Yoeh is mesmerizing and exibits the traditional fearless nature of a stunt performer at their peak. Her stunts and fights throughout this movie are second to no man.

We also get to see Cynthia Rothrock at arguably her finest. Everthing about her was so much better in her Hong Kong movies. Her kicks were sharper, her movements were more fluid, and then she came back home to unleash an endless string of B movies that would never even come close to capturing her amazing ability like her efforts that were "made in China". (Lead free.)

Then we got the man himself, Tsui Hark, who delivers a good performance as one of the main hoods who are clearly in over their heads.

This movie brings it all together and entertains on more than one level. The humor is pretty good and the action and fight/stunt choreography are all completely Hong Kong A-game stuff. This movie makes "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" look like playground antics. If you are about the tough chick flicks, this movie is a must-own.

Now I must be off to help old ladies in their eternal struggle to cross the street. They are usually so thankful that they don't notice that their purses are missing...

Well, I think I may have stumbled onto something that is one of the more enjoyable recent offerings that is not made in Asia or by the Stunt People, though it does star stunt people. See what I did there? Now I'm just fuckin' with ya'. "Underground" wound up being quite a treat. It is basically a bunch of fight scenes that are strung together and divided by a passable yet standard tournament theme and some pretty decent narration. I was surprised that some of the dramatic scenes were done as well as they were considering that most of the cast mainly had experience doing stunts and not really any big starring roles. The fights were sharp and engaging though at some times inconsistant. Man, that is the biggest dude that I have ever seen perform a butterfly twist!

You will get everthing the box promises: no camera tricks, no wires, just REAL BRUTAL ACTION. And it feels great. They actually manage to hit you with a few curve balls and of course the stuff that you were expecting. I think the end fight could have had a few more goodies, but all in all it was a very fun and violent piece of entertainment and I would recommend it to anyone who's into that sort of thing. Very nutritious. Goes well with strawberries or beer.

"Cloverfield" is packed with high energy thrills and unyielding momentum. The story told is very simplistic, but that may add to the classic qualities of this feature. This is the best monster movie that I have seen in years. It even trumps "The Host", which is no small feat. You got a little something for everybody: action, excitement, drama, and humor. I know the whole shaky-cam thing did bother a lot of folks, but honestly I thought it was a very good device for the whole movie as it added to the frantic nature of the film while grounding it in a gritty and realistic manor that almost seems to give the monster that much more credibility.

FINAL SUMMATION: This flick is more fun than you can have with a German shepherd, a hooker, and a whole jar of peanut butter. Go check this one out. Highly entertaining, you won't be let down. Now, I got to bolt. I have to fly a 747 to England in 20 minutes and this whiskey isn't going to drink itself.

"China Strike Force" is an oddball throwback to the glory days of Hong Kong cop actioners with a new school twist and a touch of Americanized compost. In fact the movie is in English even though that is not the native dialect of over half the cast. And it shows. The acting was, let's say, slightly less than serviceable. Oddly enough, Coolio wound up delivering his lines pretty well and was funny more intentionally than not, unlike some of his co-stars. And of course there's Mark.

Mark Dacascos is always a pleasure to watch--his acting is halfway decent and his martial arts skills are A-list quality. It's kind of a bitch that he never really blew up the way he should have. But isn't that always the way? JCVD gets famous and he bites. Pop stars and Hollywood megastars get highly funded kung fu vehicles and they are all undeserving. But what of Mark Dacascos, Ernie Reyes Jr., Scott Adkins, and Brad Allen (and many others)? Where are their big contracts for major action movies? Someone or something out there controlling the cosmic balance has the most twisted sense of humor. I mean, think about it. John Lennon: shot and killed; Martin Luther King, Jr.: shot and killed; Ronald Reagan: shot and wounded, survived. What kind of shit is that?!? People, we must protect the balance if God won't. Live your lives with some degree of honor and stay vigilant. Hopefully we can protect what is sacred.

Whoa, sorry about that folks, I'm starting to wear this soapbox out. Before I shot out into left field I think we were dicussing a movie of some kind. Right? So, "China Strike Force" is inconsistant in the acting department and plain and standard on the whole plot thing, but how is the action? Pretty good, actually. Stanley Tong always seems to craft some kinetic fights with high energy, and this movie is no exception as we are given some very functional choreography. The previously mentioned Mark Dacascos gets to shine in this arena. While he only really gets two fights and is basically gypped out of the end fight, he still gets to show off his goods with style, grace, and power. The stunts are well done, but despite the enjoyable action there are still lags here and there due in part to poor direction and choppy acting. The end fight was kind of disappointing as well. Though it had a definite element of danger, it did not have the pace or quality of the rest of the fights.

Overall I did enjoy it and I would say it is worth checking out, but it won't necessarily become one of your favorites. Thanks for the time. Stay up on the down. I got stuff to do but we'll catch up.

If you don't have it, I would give it my highest recommendation; and if you do have it, you should probably watch it at least once every year to keep good company with a well crafted story. Thanks for the time, campers, I got to peel.

Only two things stop me from giving this a perfect rating. #1: As you may know already, it just twists my panties up when Hollywood makes these martial arts flicks and seem to forget to cast martial artists for the lead roles. This can often depreciate the spectrum of suspension of disbelief, but thankfully we have Yuen Wo Ping and Zoe Bell to smooth out those rough edges. #2 This movie is volume 1, meaning that it is one half of a movie and other issues and factors of volume two affect this movie as a result. I have several problems with volume 2 but we will get into that another time. Here is a little taste: Why the fuck does she bother going through all the trouble to get this dope ass, high quality sword for a five second sword fight that ends with a hokey "secret kung fu technique"?!? Her final battle with Bill was insulting. She didn't even need a sword to take on Krusty the Bill and she could have just shot up the "House of Blue Leaves" or whatever so why get the sword? But, alas, I digress. I definitely think that volume one is much better than volume two but I'm a samurai man myself (like you couldn't tell) so I can see how those cowboys out there might disaree with me.

As a film on its own that stands on an unanswered cliff hanger I give it 4.5 stars, but if I were to grade it as a whole including volume 2 I would give it 3.5 stars for the simple fact that the second act (much like "Battle Royale 2") disregards all of the sensibilities of the first act. I know that was the point but it was still annoying.

FINAL SUMMATION: Very enjoyable and energetic genre meld (it's a crime noir/kung fu/samurai/revenge/dramedy). The bloody end battles will keep you giddy for hours after viewing. Entertaining and worth every cent. Quentin cranks out quality. Repeatedly. Get it if you don't got it; you will have fun. Thanks for the time. I'll be at you.

TWENTY MOVIES THAT KICK THE SHIT OUT OF "CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON" IN EITHER MARTIAL ARTS OR OVERALL GRANDEUR: (in no particular order)

1. "Seven Samurai"
2. "Once Upon A Time In China"
3. "Fist Of Legend"
4. "A Man Called Hero"
5. "Seven Swords"
6. "In The Line Of Duty 4"
7. "Tom Yum Goong"
8. "Ong Bak"
9. "Iron Monkey" (the Tsui Hark one)
10. "Prodigal Son"
11. "Enter The Dragon"
12. "Blade Of Fury"
13. "Hero" (Jet Li)
14. "Dragons Forever"
15. "SPL"
16. "Dragon Tiger Gate"
17. "Lone Wolf And Cub" (all of them)
18. "Versus"
19. "Duel To The Death"
20. "Star Wars" (again, all of them)

There are many moments of creative brilliance and comedic excellence, yet it still maintained a good amount of homage content. Completely needed for a complete Asian film collection if only to see soccer balls get jump-spin-kicked. All around fun. And it's that good kind of humor that just makes you feel good inside like when you watched Paris Hilton go to jail.

About a couple of weeks back I sat down to watch two movies: "The Shepherd: Border Patrol"--the most recent (to my knowledge) Jean Claude Van Damme straight-to-DVD offering (he was a big martial arts/action star from the 80's and early to mid 90's); and "In The Name Of The King"--a sword and sorcery flick that was based on a role playing game and stars Jason Statham (a British actor, not a martial artist). Guess which one was a better martial arts movie. Very good, you folks have a good sense of build-up. It shouldn't have surprised me, though (in all honesty, I didn't realize that Tony Ching directed the choreography of "In The Name Of The King" before I watched it, so, yeah, that was an unfair advantage). I mean, I used to be a big Van Damme fan--when I was twelve. I got older, my martial arts repertoire got broader and better. His didn't. I found myself capable of doing all kinds of nifty shit that I don't think Brussels boy has even dreamed of. After that, Jean Claude's generic and static "style" just lost all of its draw. I just couldn't become one of those folks waiting for the next straight to video JCVD flick all complacent and shit with the same eight goddamn kicks he has been recycling year after year. In a lot of ways I have Jean Claude Van Damme to thank for turning me to Asian cinema for better stuff. It made me the bastard I am today. Thanks, dude.

Do you know how that fool got his big break? He approached a producer of b movies and kicked over the man's head and told the gullible bastard that he was a European kickboxing champ! Years later the investigative television show, Hard Copy, did a show on his authenticity. Turns out he has never been a kickboxer or a kickboxing champion sanctioned by anybody. Ever. Like it took half-assed journalism to tell a world full of martial artists that no man who throws a punch like a little, blind girl could ever hold a kickboxing title. Sorry folks he's just a ballerina that took some karate lessons back in the day. And he may or may not have done some gay porn at one point. Oh, and he definitely got his ass kicked by a biker/stuntman in public once. While we're on it, the man can hold a kick in the air but he has no control whatsoever. Numerous co-stars from his movies have stated on many occasions that during filming Jean Claude would actually hit them during takes. Often. He has also blinded a stuntman in one eye while filming a knife fight in the movie "Cyborg" due to (at least in part) the fact that he has had no formal training in any type of knife fighting. I'm not making this shit up. The man is a fool. Call him what you want, but that asshole ain't no martial artist.

But I've ranted quite a bit, so let's talk about this flick. It's what you should probably expect. Generic. Isaac Florentine tries to do the whole spagetti western thing with the music, cinematography and pacing. He doesn't nail--at all. The fights were not that bad, but I found myself constantly waiting for Scott Adkins to come and whoop somebody's ass, but it wasn't happening often enough. Honestly the fights did get kind of fun, but there are just not enough of them to save this turkey.

I was pretty generous with my rating and to be honest I'm not entirely sure why. Maybe I saw something in it that entertained me in a funny way. Maybe I live too close to power lines. Who knows, but I say grow up in style. Put "Time Cop" in the closet so it doesn't get some of its lame funk on "Super Cop" by sitting next to it in the cabinet. Don't get me wrong though, Jean Claude Van Damme has made some pretty entertaining flicks, but he should have quit a long time ago.

TEN VAN DAMME MOVIES THAT ACTUALLY ROCK:

1. "Bloodsport"
2. "No Retreat,No Surrender"
3. "Universal Soldier"
4. "Hard Target"
5. "Lion Heart"
6. "Cyborg"
7. "Kickboxer"
8. "Double Team"
9. "Double Impact"
10. "Death Warrant

This is my favorite Andrew Lau movie hands down. Maybe it's because I love comic books or something, but this film really appeals to me. It's very dark and moody with beautiful fantasy action. Loaded with interesting characters, wild special effects and a decent amount of martial arts. This is one of those grand fantasy movies where the line flying and special effects didn't bother me or detract from the movie, in fact they were necessary and enhanced the experience entirely. While I do dig "Storm Riders" and "The Duel", this will always be the one that stands out the most to me. Truly epic. This should have been a trilogy. Just about as cool as "Star Wars". I'm just sayin'.

STUFF THAT KICKS ASS: Ninjas with elemental super powers. Classic. Man with no arms who kicks like a hell raiser. Classic as well. Showdown on the statue of liberty that leaves the old girl looking like she got mugged by the jolly green giant. Wild, just wild.

MY CLOSING STATEMENTS BEFORE I GO GET SOMETHING TO EAT: This movie rocks and will appeal to fans of comics, fantasy and various old school classics.