Joker (Chow Sing Chi) is the leader of a band of robbers who live in a mountain where the godly reunion is rumoured to take place. When a pair of evil sisters arrive, looking for the Monkey King, Joker falls for one of them and pretends to be the reincarnation of the Monkey to win her heart.

The mighty King Bull appears seeking revenge on the Monkey King so attempts to kill Joker. When the sisters intervene one of them is killed and Joker's only hope to save her is to obtain Pandora's Box, a sacred item which allows the user to travel back into time. Can Joker save everyone in time and find true love?

Based on the 16th century novel by Wu Cheng entitled "Journey to the West", "A Chinese Odyssey : Pandora's Box" is an excellent period comedy piece. The visuals are stunning and the film is littered with running gags and spoofs that are a joy to watch. Chow puts in one of his best performances playing two real alter egos as the clumsy and arrogant Joker as well as the sly yet heartless Monkey King. In this film in particular, it is easy to see why he is compared to Jim Carrey in the west as he displays similar comedic movements and facial expressions.

Unfortunately you cannot watch the first part without seeing the second as it ends so abruptly that you have no choice so make sure you buy both before viewing them. Still, it's definitely a superb film containing excellent acting, furious fantasy battles and some side splitting comedy.

Andy Lau's cinematic boom period (late 80's-early 90's) saw the actor/singer star in literally scores of movies. Many of these parts followed the usual 'rebel without a clue' stereotype that he had played to death by the late 80's, but Three Against The World allows Lau to try a different role and in a different setting. This, however, works superbly and Lau is allowed to try his fighting skills (albeit minimal) against kung-fu veteran Tsui Siu-Keung and co-star with the lovely Rosamund Kwan; both aspects give this film a real lift. The period detail is well-realised as is the pace of this production which drwas the viewer in and gives them a very entertaining 90 minutes. The action - especially the three way battles - is excellent and is mixed in very well with the comedic content to form a fine film.

Although not his most important film and certainly not his most famous, Three Against The World is a welcome addition to the Andy Lau canon and certainly worth catching.

After a brief herb gathering excursion, Fu and his assistant (Wu Ma) return to Po Chi Lam to help run Wong Fei Hung's thriving practice. On the boat home, Fu gets involved in a major fracas and, unbeknownst to him, is used to smuggle opium into the country. A mysterious golden-shoed policeman tracks Fu down and arrests him after discovering the opium in his luggage; Fu is therefore ostracised by all his friends at Po Chi Lam and the surrounding area. After clearing his name and gaining the trust of the super-fighting policeman (Yen Shi-Kwan), Fu focuses on the task of finding out the real villain behind the opium smuggling racket. This he achieves by gaining the trust of the man who originally used him as an unwitting smuggler and finding the vicious eagle claw master (Yuen Wah) who really pulls the strings. When his cover is finally blown, Fu stands alone against the villainous hordes in an electrifying encounter.

For some reason this excellent 'Once Upon A Time In China' spin-off is largely ignored. Perhaps the film's poor distribution and hard-to-find status have contributed to this. Whoever does track this down is in for a very enjoyable film that features some outstanding choreography that is expertly restrained in the wire department. Though the film doesn't attempt to add anything to Fu's character history or try to feature the kind of multi-layered plots of the first two 'Once Upon A Time In China' films, 'Kickboxer' has plenty to offer. Biao's well-known screen persona of the bumbling innocent is as charmingly played as ever and he is once more teamed with his age old enemy Yuen Wah - again they set the screen alight in another of their exciting confrontations. Budget restraints are sometimes apparent, but this doesn't detract from another quality Yuen Biao vehicle.

Stephen Fung and Ken Chong play two young, good-looking cops who are chosen to head a new campaign: The Sunshine Cops. This PR driven initiative is an attempt to give the police force a much needed new image - out go the typical stuffy stereotypes and in come this cool new duo who represent the future of law enforcement. All starts off very well as the Sunshine Cops become icons in the press and role models to the young. However, the media shows it's fickle nature as the duo's friendship with a high school student comes into sharp focus. In quick succession comes their humiliation at the hands of a ruthless kidnapper and then the suspension of the Sunshine Cops project. The dejected heroes are presented with an opportunity to redeem themselves when an exclusive school is targeted by the kidnapper and only the Sunshine Cops can help.

Fung's role in Gen-X Cops was a brooding and not very sympathetic member of the Gen-X team. Here, he plays the complete antithesis. Fung injects his character (H20) with immense charm and with an infectious warmth that fills the screen. Alongside him is the more serious, yet equally charismatic character of Sammy (Ken Chong) who is the perfect foil for his Charming partner. The great on-screen chemistry of the two leads help this stylish and hugely enjoyable caper move along at a lesuirely, but absorbing pace. Linked to this is the fine mixture of accurate comedic digs at the media and eye-catching action set-pieces.

The ending falls slightly short of the high standard of the previous 70minutes and does stop Sunshine Cops hitting the very highest level. Nevertheless, this is a superb and greatly encouraging piece of modern Hong Kong film-making.

One of Chow's best comedies, "The Flirting Scholar" has it all. For international viewers, like myself, I'm sure a lot of the verbal gags are missed but the slapstick routines and in jokes are incredibly funny. There are numerous spoofs of the period kung fu movie and they round the film off perfectly.

Chow plays the arrogant and sleazy scholar well, making the most of his character to show off his numerous manic facial expressions. Gong Li, however, has a rather bland character as Chow's love interest but she makes the most of it.

The good thing about most Chow Sing Chi films is that he devotes equal screen time to the various characters allowing them to prove their talents and this is prominent within "The Flirting Scholar". There are also some decent displays of kung foolery and mystical powers that please the avid action fan.

This is a low, low budget film that has the look of a really, really cheap TV series. The sets are no better than you would expect to see in a bad porno movie and the lighting is terrible. Sometimes it's too dark, sometimes it's far too bright but it's always incredibly flat and boring. The direction is sloppy and was seemingly done by someone who has no idea how to compose a shot. The direction of the action scenes is no better, in fact, it's probably worse. Poor angles combined with bad editing produce some incoherent, uninvolving and desperately dull fight scenes. Not one of the actors shows any real fighting ability worth mentioning. On many occasions during the film, characters describe Shira's fighting skills as 'amazing' but I didn't see anything to suggest she is even a mildly competent martial artist.

The acting is also uniformly bad. Chona Jason brings no depth, charisma or heart to her role and left me not even remotely bothered about her situation or whether she lived or died. The actor who plays her boyfriend deserves a special mention. He is so wooden that his part could've easily been played by a wardrobe from IKEA. An idiotic, muddled, cliché ridden script doesn't help matters but I don't think a screenplay written by the combined talents of Harold Pinter, William Shakespeare and Ernie Wise could've saved this turkey.

This is an amateurish waste of time that I urge you to never, ever see.

This is what happens when you buy a DVD solely based on the title.

The Patience School are a peaceful martial arts clan that have been in existence for many years. They have always been renowned for avoiding trouble thanks to their teachings of tolerance but now trouble has come looking for them! When one of their more reckless students, the young lady-killer known as Kwan Chuen, kills a fellow school student in self defence it turns out to be the son of the Dare Devil, a ruthless killer who likes nothing more than an excuse to wreak havoc. Several deaths later and Kwan is now one of the few left alive so he goes into hiding to practice martial arts with the hope that he may be able to succeed where so many others have failed and mount a serious challenge against Dare Devil.

This really is a substandard attempt at a traditional kung fu movie with the tried and tested formula of martial arts school rivalry disastrously exploited and bogged down by a dull plot, uninteresting dialogue and poor leading performances. Without these we are left with an empty shell of a film that can only rely on the fight scenes to attempt any kind of entertainment. Sadly, this important criteria of any film in this genre is probably the most laughable area of this whole abysmal affair. Imagine the most blandly put together sword fights possible with no room for invention or signs of real skill and then place them on fast forward and now you have an idea of how bad the battles are in this movie. You're probably thinking of a Donnie Yen style undercranking affair but this is far worse and is actually so fast that it just looks plain stupid. As if this wasn't embarrassing enough the director also continues to maintain this speed as the combatants circle each other in anticipation which provides some of the quickest on screen action in history.

Unless you find poorly made kung fu movies a source of amusement then I would seriously suggest you steer well clear of 'Sorrowful To A Ghost'. This is a bad film with no apparent reason to watch it and it is truly worthy of the one star rating.

PICTURE: Presented in full screen, this print suffers from minimal graining which is expected for a film this old. However, colours are very accurate and the picture remains clean with no distracting damage.

SOUND: Mandarin soundtrack with removable English, traditional Chinese and simplified Chinese subtitles.

TRAILERS: None.

EXTRAS: A Databank that contains a movie synopsis and cast & crew listing.

'Kung Fu Cyborg: Metallic Attraction' starts with upright rural cop Dachun (Hu Jun - the 'Red Cliff' films seem a lifetime away now) passing a test to prove his integrity to his superiors and a secretive scientific team keen to utilise his talents. Though Dachun is expecting a promotion to the city, the task he's given is far less inviting: act as a guradian for top secret police cyborg K-1 while he integrates with his fellow officers. The honest law enforcer resents his new partner - whose real purpose is concealed - as his unusual charm begins to woo the shy Su Mei who Dachun had long held a candle for. He uses various means to sabotage K-1 and warn off the startstruck Su Mei, but finds himself reliant on the cyborg's talents when a defective model, K-88, begins to attack its creators.

A significant flop at the Hong Kong box-office - though redeemed by respectable Mainland figures - 'Kung Fu Cyborg: Metallic Attraction' is the kind of tripe that might kill the public's interest in local films once and for all. 'The Beast Stalker' was a recent production that respected its audience, giving quality, intelligent work for viewers. Jeff Lau's disaster couldn't be less respectable to the unsuspecting viewer if it kicked them to the ground, spat in their hair and demanded them to do impressions of a hippopotamus writhing around in filth. Admittedly, a few minutes of wacky humour breaks the ice early on, but then the parochial lunacy turns the whole production into the kind of pantomime only children in borstal should have to sit through.

After nearly an hour of the 'hilarity' and over-ripe drama, Lau throws some badly orchestrated action into the mix, highlighting the odd blend of good and terrible special effects that dominates the rest of the film. All of the inventiveness we come to associate with Hong Kong cinema is mercilessly sacrificed, the film-makers choosing a desperate plea to be loved by Western viewers bludgeoned by the loud and stupid blockbusters we had to endure recently. As a continued supporter of Hong Kong cinema, it gives me no pleasure to call this absurd mess the biggest waste of a big budget in recent memory.

Some may find 'No. 3' a somewhat funny and clever deconstruction of the typical gangster film but it really is just a muddled mess: too many characters, who aren’t that interesting to begin with, all given very little to do. Even a fairly novel character by the name of Ashtray (who uses the titular ash collecting device to pummel people to death) can’t liven the film up enough, not even in some fairly brutal and knuckle dusting fight scenes. This is the other problem: the tone. The film switches back and forth from broad black comedy (so broad, there are few laughs) to violent gangster thriller so quickly it’s often hard to follow what is going on. The narrative meanders all over the place, the characters become more unlikeable and tedious as the flick progresses and everything just feels dragged out. Even Song Neung-han’s attempts to jazz things up with some admittedly cool photography and editing tricks also feel stale and lame.

The acting isn’t half as bad and there are some good ideas but the whole thing just lacks focus. Song Neung-han has at least attempted to do something different with a tired genre (and way back in 1997 as well) but rather than turning the gangster convention on its head, or being a clever satire of gangster posing, it feels as if the director got bored of the concept and just threw a bunch of unconnected ideas and uninteresting characters together. Maybe it’s just the gangster genre that is tired and one can only do so much with it, but with a cast that includes 'Oldboy's Choi Min-sik, 'The Host's Song Kang-ho and 'Tell Me Something's Han Suk-kyu, 'No. 3' should have been a lot better. Still not every gangster film can be great and while it tries hard and it’s interesting to see the aforementioned actors in earlier roles, 'No. 3' just doesn’t offer anything new or exciting. Shame.

Whilst it may have a strong South Korean influence behind the camera, its clear that 'D-War' shares far more in common with the current Hollywood blockbusters like 'Transformers' than it does with its Asian counterparts. If you're expecting a well-devised plot or strong emotional bonds between characters, you won't find either of them here and this is a film that is probably best viewed from a special effects standpoint only. Now there are times when this can be a good thing as you can switch off your brain, get in some mates and rack up the beers, but 'D-War' is one of those films that is just plain bad. Throw into this sour mix some 'Days Of Our Lives' style soap actors and an embarrassing attempt at retelling a Korean legend, and you soon realise that this is just one hell of a major turd.

As mentioned before, the only redemption is to be found in the special effects and 'D-War' certainly has its fair share of impressive CGI. Unfortunately, the majority of it is wasted as we just follow the snake as it meanders around the city but it does come into its own once you approach the last fifteen minutes. During this time we actually get to see something that resembles entertainment as the army take on the snake atop a skyscraper, and there's some hot snake on snake action for the final confrontation. It's scenes like these that actually show a small amount of promise and it’s a shame that director Hyung didn't spend more time on the snake encounters rather than the wafer thin love story.

I'm normally a sucker for cheesy monster movies but 'D-War' just has so many genuinely bad elements that it doesn't even fall into the "so bad its good" category. It does earn itself an extra half star for the special effects seen in the finale but unlike the millions that inexplicably line up to see Michael Bay movies, I need more than flashing lights and explosions to keep me amused.

As a long-time champion of underrated Hong Kong director Derek Chiu, I was delighted when 'So Good' reviewer Kenneth Brorsson alerted me to this new release. A low budget rom-com that slipped under the radar of just about everyone, the prospect of 'Love Is Love' had me envisaging another 'Love Au Zen' or even the recent 'Love Trilogy'. Unfortunately, this Mainland production is a major disappointment, making scant use of Chiu's abilities even within this film's triumvirate of directors. The quirky, off-kilter style that is the Derek Chiu stamp is completely absent from this pallid, trying production; if Mr. Chiu had any input into this film other than making tea for the cast and crew, I would be surprised not to say disappointed.

Nick Cheung is wooden though that term at least implies he is three-dimensional which he is not. After Johnny To gave him such a chance to shine in 'Breaking News', it's difficult to see him play a supposedly sympathetic character so blandly. He's certainly not helped by his woefully written part and having to appear besotted with such a harpy of a love interest - Jing is a whinging tyrant who we (and, you would think, he) care little about. Cheung is also paired up with a 'supercomputer' with a particularly atonal Mandarin drawl, spouting out such incisive remarks on relationships as 'If you ask her out there is a 50% chance she will say 'yes' and 50% chance she will say 'no'; why thank you Mr. Computer for unravelling the mysteries of the fairer sex. Surrounded by such figures, you half expect Ming to jump in the Huangpu river and be done with it.

'Love Is Love' has one minor saving grace and that is the ever watchable Shanghai locales. The directors make reasonably good use of the settings and at least allow the very tiresome drama to have the air of the exotic. However, any danger of being seduced by Shanghai's sights is beaten out of the viewer by a cacophonous piano score which overpowers every single scene. The soundtrack offers the kind of sonic assault that the C.I.A could make use of next time they want to overthrow a government. 'Love Is Love' is a skeletal rom-com with every feeling sucked out and populated by people you would cross the road, no the M4, to avoid. Such drastic action might also be taken when confronted by a potential viewing of this film.

There is no doubting the visual spectacle of 'Natural City'. The future world is beautifully rendered, often in intricate detail, through a mixture of CGI and miniature effects. The visual effects blend into the frame rather than dominate it, Min Byung-Chun wisely choosing to film much of the movie in the real world rather than against a green screen. The design, from costume to production, is of a high standard and helps to envelope the viewer in the futuristic world. However and as often can be the case when style takes precedence, the actual story and characters of the film are somewhat lifeless. Now the concept of disconnection and loneliness in a hi-tech machine dependant world is certainly present but often the characters come across with no real personality or purpose, that the viewer eventually loses interest in them. Leading man Yoo ('Oldboy') particularly suffers from being a little too nonchalant and lifeless about, well, everything. His character is supposed to be in love and worried his cyborg partner is dying but come across more as a petulant teenager and annoying twit than a futuristic hero.

Likewise, the pace is never really in a hurry. Not that is has to be jet propelled but the film just kind of trundles along from one concept or scene to another. Things do pick up with some lively and visually stunning action scenes. Portraying the combat cyborgs in action, their heightened skills are achieved using practical means and stunts rather than CGI, making them all the more impressive. Yet, there isn’t enough action to make 'Natural City' a fast paced future thriller and the drama isn’t engaging enough for it to succeed as a slice of serious, romantic sci-fi.

It’s not all a loss as Min Byung-Chun has tried hard to create a unique future world and on those terms he has succeeded. Lee Jae-Un Lee does offer some respite from the lifeless characters with her sparky performance as Cyon and the visuals and action certainly make 'Natural City' worth checking out at least once. But ultimately the overly serious tone and lack of energy telling the story make 'Natural City' a frustrating and hollow experience.

When a sniper attempts to kill Ambassador Han during Inspector Lee's (Chan) watch, Lee promises his daughter that he will track down the people responsible. Luckily, the assassins return in an attempt to finish the job and with the help of Detective James Carter (Tucker), Lee manages to prevent any further harm as well as capture and interrogate a suspect. Strangely enough, the man turns out to be French which leads our heroes to relocate their search to the streets of Paris. With Carter always keen to take in the night life and the trail leading our heroes to popular clubs, it isn't long before they are causing quite a stir with the local gangs as well as the police. However, there is a secret that Lee is withholding and as the case is coming to a close he is going to have make some difficult decisions.

Even if you're a fan of the 'Rush Hour' series, I very much doubt that this third film will be do enough to satisfy your desire for more humourous police escapades. From the very beginning, it's clear that the overly familiar buddy cop setup has finally had it's day and the cast and crew are just going through the motions, hoping to earn themselves a few more easy millions in the process. The script for this part is particularly paper thin, doing nothing more than relocating our heroes into fresh surroundings that are unfamiliar to the two of them with a poor excuse for a story that is littered with numerous unresolved plot points and vague tie-ins with the original movies. However. the film's real downfall is the chemistry between the two leads (one of the lynchpins of the series) that lacks any kind of spark and is hampered by weak comedy that just seems so predictable that it fails to raise even a wry smile at the best of times. The actors themselves are also beginning to lag with Chan looking noticeably bored for the most part whilst Tucker does his normal routine of playing up to the camera but even he seems to be doing nothing more than repeating himself.

One of the other most disappointing elements of this film is the action, which is so lacking that it usually slips by practically unnoticed. Although it's fair to say that the 'Rush Hour' films have never exactly whipped up a storm in this department, Chan has occasionally managed to pull out a few of the stops and create a couple of scenes that his hardcore fans can appreciate. Sadly though, the set pieces here are so bland that for the majority of the running time I barely batted an eyelid and one wonders how much input Chan himself had or whether the producers just decided to avoid pushing him too far considering his age. Saying that though, judging by his recent Hong Kong outings Chan does still have a few tricks up his sleeve which only serve as further evidence that this film was cobbled together with very little effort.

I think it's fair to say that the 'Rush Hour' franchise has finally run it's course and although this third film may do just about enough to warrant a rental for hardcore fans, I'm sure that even they would have to agree that the series should end here. The film is mediocre at best and it's about time Tucker tried something new (god knows how the man has risen to such popularity considering he's only done about six films, none of which were particularly impressive) and Chan only has a few more years left in him which would be far better spent elsewhere. Sufficed to say, this one gets the thumbs down from me.

Lin Fung is a humble worker at the local rickshaw business and spends the majority of his time caring for his blind wife. All is well until the dastardly Tongyang brings his rickshaws into town and starts using his hired muscle to dominate the clientele. However, Lin Fung is not the kind of man to take this lying down and consequently becomes involved in several brawls with the new kids in town. This is not a wise move though as Tongyang is a highly connected man and doesn't take kindly to resistance in any form. Swooping quickly into action, he kidnaps Fung's wife and demands he hand himself over. Will he give up all his has fought for and save the life of his wife or risk the greater perils that await him?

Evidently modeled during an era when Bruce Lee and his movies were in the ascendance, this poor imitation follows a routine revenge storyline which is accompanied by mediocre fight sequences and uninspiring leading performances. It's probably best described as a vehicle for bit part players who are subsequently thrown into the limelight with shallow characters and forced to follow fight choreography that consists of some of the dullest punches and kicks ever witnessed. Only our hero shows any kind of prospect as he does seem to possess some fighting ability but it's hard to ever build up any anticipation during his duels as the majority of his opponents seem to consist of chubby 40 year olds who would more likely threaten a belt buckle than a kung fu master.

'Shaolin Kung Fu' is really only suited for obsessive chop socky addicts who will watch any form of fighting no matter how poor. Although the viewer is bombarded by an abundance of fight sequences the film struggles to create anything remotely original or interesting and as such, should probably be given a wide birth by most.

Moon (Leong) is a bit of an outcast at school and never seems to be able to do or say the right thing. Perhaps for this reason, she finds herself attracted to one of the local boys (Bo-Lin) who constantly makes a fool of himself for the sake of his job and clearly lacks the charm or sophistication of most men she has encountered. Unfortunately though, Moon isn't exactly the most outgoing girl and is forced to watch him from afar as she has no idea how to make the relationship progress. Luckily for her though, a chance encounter with a bug unleashes some kind of power inside of her that actually allows her to talk to the bug! Now with Cootchie the bug at her side (yes I admit, Cootchie sounds more like a disease than a bug) she might actually be able to get the local boy to notice her but she'll have to be careful, there may well be others out there who also possess special powers...

Although I'm loathed to completely condemn this film as it remains a relatively harmless time killer, there is no escaping the fact that it is disappointing in almost all of the elements that it attempts to combine. First and foremost, this is immediately noticeable in the film's vital romantic narrative as the chemistry between the two leads is practically non-existent, making it a very hard pill to swallow. Personally I attribute this to Chen Bo Lin who comes across as rude and irritating, two very distinctive traits that make him hard to warm to and fail to allow the audience to appreciate why Moon would fall for him the first place. Added to this, the film introduces a ridiculous sub-plot that revolves around a "super powers club" that not only throws a handful of even more tedious and annoying personas into the mix, but also appears to be nothing more than a vague attempt to explain the inclusion of animated bugs. Finally you have the all important element of comedy that should really be the films saving grace but unfortunately the majority of it is far too slapstick, even by Asian standards, and is barely amusing at the best of times.

Taking all this into account though, there are still a couple of elements within 'Bug Me Not!' that make it a worthwhile watch. For a start, Isabella Leong emerges as a real talent who is not only very easy on the eyes but also an extremely capable actress who displays an alarming knack for playing a leading lady. At the tender age of 17, she shows a remarkable amount of maturity, never appearing overly concerned that she is the centre of attention yet at the same time retaining a childhood innocence that doesn't exude arrogance. Alongside her, the animated bugs also turn up trumps despite their somewhat limited screen time. They are clearly drawn and voiced with the intention of being comical and each of their scenes is always a pleasure and never overly sickening. In fact, had the film spent more time focusing on Moon and her connection with the bugs rather than the inept boyfriend or super powers scenarios it may have been a far more appealing prospect.

'Bug Me Not!' is clearly an extremely lightweight production that is at times so cringeworthy you want to throw something at the screen but it is still a relatively easy watch with a few sparks of entertainment to appreciate. However, it's probably more likely to be remembered as the film that bought Isabella Leong into the mainstream rather than a bold leap forward for Hong Kong cinema.

The Shaws made some great films without a doubt (we all know that) - but they did have some very inferior features too, which are often overrated on Kung Fu forums (fans milking one positive attribute to rate it so highly without serious consideration overall) compared to the likes of (again) 'Golden Harvest' (who were not without flaws themselves of course). It didn't help either that the Kung Fu genre was no longer the film-trend at the time so very little productions maintained it and it became more prominent in mainland China (like 'South Shaolin Master 2') whilst a little less-known. Anyway, I won't escalate a debate on the real reasons to why Shaws officially stopped in '85 etc but in the meantime: a review for one of their final works (which could indeed be THE final feature).

For starters, no-one in this film is referred to as 'main' star (except Celestial's promotional artwork which suggests Gordon Liu is) as they all have their parts. It's trailer; for instance follows the typical 'Fan Ching Fook Ming' (Rebel Ching - Restore Ming) struggle in Southern China with known folk-heroes like 'Tong Ching Gun', the Fong and Hung families, 'Hu Wei Gan' and perhaps more famously; 'Wong Fei Hung' - all fighting against the tyrannical Manchus. It all sounds exciting but what follows is constant kiddy-giggling and too many 'not-too-easy-to-follow' subplots (no thanks to fast-talking dialogue) which become really incoherent - it's a shame as Yau seems to rely on this to string together what could have been a remembered 'classic' in the Shaw library. If you can take this and a few other irritating antics, you've actually got a pretty entertaining actioner (courtesy of the magical 'under-cranking' button Shaws fell in love with during the '80s).

With 'His Royal Highness' stamping down on any anti-Ching movements, he orders the top chief and imperial guard Chik Len Ja (Lo Lieh); a highly excelled Kung Fu expert to head after the Hung school (founded of course by Hung Hei Koon - played by Lo Meng). Prior to arrival, two upstarts (Fong Sai Yuk and Hu Wei Gan - Wong Yu and Chin Siu Ho) encounter this cunning man by accident and get involved in the latter's vendetta - they also witness the murders of all the senior members of the school except Hung who escapes; without a valuable medallion - property of the school.

Soon realising that the medallion was most likely in the hands of the two sneaky young men, Hung quickly pays a visit to the Fong residence and demands his treasure be returned. Knowing that the two will inevitably enter the wrath of Chief Chik, he and Sai Yuk's step-mother insist they both join Shaolin Temple as secular disciples (simultaneously using it a cover-up for their reclusion). But it's not before long the Masters know of Hung's true intentions and debate whether he should leave or remain living in the temple as a fellow Ming loyalist at the price of risking involvement in Hung's affairs with the Chings.

Inevitably, Chik finds out Hung's hiding place and Master Gai Hoi (Lee Hoi San) of the Northern section of the temple is wounded during an attempt to prevent the chief entering. This embroils an already-developed grudge between Hung and other students (namely the disciple monks in the 'Northern' section of the temple) even deeper. With their constant fretting between them, they are naturally forced to help each other when the Chief begins ambushing those residing with the temple...

Whilst it appears to be Yau's only Shaw film, he doesn't do too well in the comedy section. He's not a director I'd favour highly compared to Lau Kar Leung or Chang Cheh. Of course, Wong Yu can't fight so to cover this up: one or two shots are filmed per-take and he is thrown around (a characteristic also found in 'Dragon Lord' with JC) which gets very annoying and tediously boring/frustrating, an aging Lo Lieh is doubled whilst any other 'worthy' action (not that Lo's useless) is left to a bulky Lo Meng, Shaw regular Gordon Liu and (then) newcomer Chin Siu Ho. Aside from the under-cranking, I have to admit that the action is very well-done in it's dynamic choreography which delivers entertaining and fairly impressive results. It's instantly clear that at least one of the influences is 'Peking Opera' (especially with acrobatics).

Whilst it does have some merits, there is far better. A rent-worthy title or for Kung Fu enthusiasts (who can take the typical Shaw comedy) only. Hell, you'll probably end up getting it anyway!

A female cop (Khan yet again) becomes embroiled in a mob killing when she meets a pair of witnesses to the assassination. Before she can further her investigation though, the policewoman finds herself as a suspect when the witnesses are murdered. After the inevitable suspension from duty while her case is heard, she combines forces with a private detective who seems to have links with the events. Before any answers can be uncovered the pair must first stop a deadly gold-digger concentrating her talents on the policewoman's besotted father. Strangely enough though, the two seemingly unrelated problems merge into one as each episode nears its end.

It was certainly reasonable to expect much better from the talent that combined for this production. A cast that combines femme fatale queen Cynthia Khan with top Hong Kong actor Anthony Wong and familiar faces Tommy Wong and Hui Ying Hung should have offered a solid 90 minutes of entertainment. Instead a watchable opening ten minutes descends into a frustrating mixture of insipid comedy and pointless drama. Adding to this painful blend is the presence of Sheila Chan - perhaps one of Hong Kong's most annoying screen personas; a few seconds of her screaming and bawling into the camera is enough to test even the most forgiving viewers. Although it could be argued that there is some well-executed action at the end, the fact of the matter is that it comes too late to succeed in entertaining. With all this against it and other weaknesses not even mentioned here, it goes without saying that this is best avoided.

Running away from gangsters to whom he owes money, Chi (Wah) hides in a busy city restaurant until the heat dies down. During his brief stay there, Chi meets the extraordinary waiter Wong whose ability to memorise orders is legendary in the area. Chi sees this remarkable gift as a way of making money and tries to persuade Wong to join him on the mahjong circuit. Unfortunately for both parties, Wong's guardian Fei (Qiu) flatly refuse to allow her impressionable charge to associate with the nefarious elements of the gambling world and threatens Chi with a severe beating if he goes against her wishes. Wong is eager to try out his skills though and decides to sneak out of the house to learn from Chi. Initially their partnership bears fruit and their name spreads throughout the mahjong world. This infamy brings them to the attention of notorious gangster Tin (Jing) who has Wong beaten so viciously that the ensuing head wounds give him the mental age of a boy. Though Fei is furious when she discovers what has happened her main goal is now to help him recover and plan their revenge, with Chi happy to take part.

Even to the mahjong aficionado, the sight of countless games played out on the big screen must be far from entertaining. To the rest of us, it's about as interesting as watching someone else watch paint dry. The plot is a mere conduit for these games and throws a number of very familiar scenarios into play to help the mahjong take centre stage. Jing recalls the basic premise of 'God Of Gamblers' but ensures that none of the wit or charm of his previous hit remains. The director seems blissfully unaware that a film can be as absurd and surreal as it likes, but good, involving characters are the only sure way to make pathos affective. Jing throws together his usual array of crass jokes, completely overblown sight gags and melodrama though there is simply not enough quality or star power for any of it to work.

In many ways 'Kung Fu Mahjong' is like the tasteless economy or 'value' brands that litter supermarket shelves - yes, it may only be 3p for a tin of beans, but it is so watered down and questionable in content that it bares very little relation to the real thing. Wong Jing's work is a very diluted pastiche of other people's work, from Quentin Tarantino to Chow Sing-Chi; 'Kung Fu Hustle' is shamelessly plundered as is 'Shaolin Soccer' and 'Kill Bill'. Jing doesn't turn these into clever parodies ala 'Airplane!', he just borrows iconography from the aforementioned films as if their mere appearance should be applauded.

'Kung Fu Mahjong' is tiresome and uninteresting, but never bad enough to make it unintentionally amusing. Wong Jing beats us into submission with numerous mahjong sequences, adds some poor computer effects (a bit like adding cheerleaders to a game of croquet to generate excitement) and spews it at the viewer complete with much shouting. Not only does this approach play havoc with your home theatre set-up, it also makes you question the very nature of cinema itself. Nevertheless, if you approach a film of this nature, with this cast, with this storyline and with this lack of imagination, there is very little sympathy you (or indeed I) should expect.

There's something about films that utilise the internet as their core component that really bugs me. I realise that this is relatively bizarre statement coming from someone who is so involved with the internet on a day to day basis but within movies, it often seems to serve as nothing more than an easy excuse to fill in the gaps. Rarely has their been a more accurate example to corroborate this theory than 'Geochilmaru', a movie that not only attempts to plug the cavernous plot holes with the "internet" excuse but also bases it's entire premise around the concept. Essentially, the film breaks down as nothing more than a group of Martial Artists who meet on the internet and organise a mini tournament. The obvious lack of effort that has been put in to devising this story means that the film is an extremely empty vessel that relies solely on its action to provide the entertainment with no room for even an ounce of original scripting. Alongside this, the acting talent on display is extremely amateur and all concerned are highly unlikely to progress any further in the industry. Its fair to say they do just about enough to convince in their expected roles but the character development and lack of distinguishable personalities means that no one emerges as a face for the future.

Unfortunately for a film that is crying out for awe inspiring action sequences, 'Geochilmaru' also maintains a lightweight attitude towards the fight choreography. In this incident, it can mainly be attributed to the way in which the action is directed and the talent is handled. Most of the fighters who possess the more eye pleasing abilities are dispatched of early on and each of the duels (particularly the latter ones) appear choppy and exceedingly raw. Its disappointing really considering that a lot of the actors clearly know how to fight (from what I hear most of them were chosen because of their martial arts skills) and there are a few moves that impress but the action director chooses to setup the combat on a one hit basis that sees each of the combatants strike and then dance around before taking another calculated hit. Evidently this was intended to add realism to the action but sadly it only succeeds in slowing down the pacing of the scenes and prevents them from ever igniting a significant spark in the viewer. As a slight plus though, the soundtrack within the film does stand out thanks to a memorable main theme and the insertion of various upbeat dance style tracks during the fight sequences that always help to attain the right atmosphere.

How much you enjoy 'Geochilmaru' is entirely dependant on just how desperate you are for fresh blood in the action genre or perhaps just how much alcohol you've had to drink. That might sound harsh because it's not the worst film ever made and could score points as cult entertainment in a cheesy way but for most, it is highly likely to leave a sour taste.

If you weren't already aware of it's roots, you could easily be excused for passing off 'The Tiger Blade' as any run of the mill "Blockbuster friendly" American B-movie. Sure it has a touch of Thai culture and contains a smattering of Martial Arts but its the distinct Hollywood influence that prevails and results in a film that is not only lacking in originality but predominantly boring. In truth, the filmmakers could easily have utilised the blueprint from every American cop movie as their inspiration (with the added bonus of a sparsely used subplot regarding special powers) but no one told them it would have been far more beneficial to invest the time and money in creating a film with Thai heritage or at the very least, a semi-original narrative. The only real plot point that even lingers in the memory is the "corrupt cop" scenario but that is simply because every single character in the film is suspected of being a double agent at one point or another. Acting wise it also comes up short as performances are bland and easily forgettable although in all fairness to the actors the characters possess very few defining qualities, especially the hero who is just another typical "on the edge" cop who comes good just in time to save the day and win the girl (yawn).

When it comes to the fight sequences in 'Tiger Blade', one wonders why they opted to go with the wire fu approach rather than capitalise on the success of Thailand's recent realistic action choreography. This decision is made all the more crucial considering the film's disappointing storyline but all they are capable of serving up is a bland mix of amateurish gunplay and the typical 'Matrix' inspired effects-laden fights that appear extremely slow and clumsy. Added to this, the actors don't actually demonstrate any kind of physical ability (or perhaps any real talent is just masked by the effects) and they spoil any ounce of realism by blatantly gripping the wires that they are attached to and swinging around awkwardly. Unfortunately, the lack of a climactic final fight between hero and bad guy doesn't assist matters and the audience is left to limp away with nothing more than a dull Mexican stand off that is the result of another one of the film's monotonous double crosses. Oh and of course I can't fail to mention that the amazingly powerful Tiger Blade that the film is named after is only really used once in the film and serves no real purpose other than to add a sense of the spiritual to the overall proceedings.

Those of you assuming that Thai action cinema can do no wrong after highlights such as 'Ong Bak' or 'Born To Fight', will be bought back down to earth with a bump after watching 'The Tiger Blade'. Quite why the makers chose to imitate Hollywood's dismal efforts is beyond me and this goes to show that countries should stick to evolving their cinematic efforts from their own pedigree rather than look to earn a quick buck copying other people's ideas.

Power Chan (Chan) and his partner (Yung) are on hot on the trail of a notorious weapons smuggling ring but when they get too close, the bad guys decide to enlist new help to protect themselves. As such, they hire Nine Face Fox, a killer who is capable of changing his appearance to resemble absolutely anyone (I'm sure you can see where this is going!). Unsurprisingly, Fox takes the appearance of Power Chan and kills one of the key witnesses in the case which not only leaves the smugglers in the clear but also gets Chan out of the picture. Now a key suspect, Chan finds himself on the run from the police so he turns to a psychic (Tsang) who lives next door. With her help, he hopes to communicate with the dead witness to find out the true identity of the killer which should allow him to clear his name and track down the men behind the weapons smuggling.

For those familiar with the Hong Kong classics of yesteryear, the plot and concepts featured within 'Oh Yes Sir!' will be second nature and are often responsible for creating a minor classic. However, in this particular outing it has to be said that these ingredients fail to gel successfully and the film suffers badly in both it's style and execution. For starters, the bizarre option to have leading actors play members of the opposite sex is a pointless and uninspiring one that leaves Wanda Yung looking awkward throughout and wastes the obvious talents of Eric Tsang. Furthermore, the comedy that goes hand in hand with this concept relies heavily on crude humour that lacks the subtlety and charm that we have come to expect from Hong Kong's slapstick comedies. Leading man Frankie Chan also puts in an extremely uninspiring leading performance with only his short spurts of action creating anything remotely interesting but even these look somewhat clumsy in comparison to his earlier efforts.

Overall, 'Oh, Yes Sir!' is a sub-standard effort that could have perhaps been saved with a more substantial storyline or added emphasis on the action. As it is though, this is a sloppily pasted together movie that is littered with unsophisticated humour and mediocre action that is probably one for hardcore Eric Tsang fans only.

As the final credits rolled on 'Dr. Lamb', I couldn't help feeling somewhat unfulfilled by the film I had just witnessed. After all, numerous reviews and fans have always pointed to this film as a cornerstone of the genre but for me, it emerges as nothing more than a hollow outing with scenes of extremely uncomfortable violence. Despite the films fresh approach which opts not to follow the typified cat and mouse game that most serial killer movies do, the lack of a significant purpose to the story seems to be the major fault as it leaves the viewer in a constant state of anticipation. With Yam imprisoned from the very beginning, all that it really boils to is a case of the killer recalling the details of his crimes (in extremely gorey detail) accompanied by glimpses of his wafer-thin back-story that are meant to justify his decent into insanity. Neither of these elements are particularly engaging and as the film ended, it felt more like I had watched a selection of cringe worthy police crime re-enactments which is not the formula for an entertaining cinematic outing.

Artiscally, there are still a couple of pluses that emerge from this disappointing affair. Yam is on form (as usual) and in his element as the sadistic killer, with howling screams and a hazy stare that send shivers down your spine. He is totally believable in the role and hams it up to the extreme, every bit as compelling and chilling as Anthony Hopkins' performance in 'Silence Of The Lambs'. Danny Lee and Billy Tang also combine effectively in the director's chair, maintaining the necessary suspense whilst Yam is on the hunt for victims and utilising effective camera shots during the murders that display the action from all angles (although not necessarily a good thing). The musical score provides another bonus as its such a crucial element for a film of this style and 'Dr. Lamb' puts out a particularly memorable one. In retrospect, when you look at all these advantages it's a real shame that the story is not nearly as compelling as the obvious efforts from the cast and crew.

'Dr. Lamb' is a very tough film to recommend for any reason as despite the obvious merits in the acting and direction, the film can be stripped down to little more than a set of extremely unpleasant murders. I'm sure gore fans will find it entertaining if its just the sight of blood that they seek but for the rest of us, this is one film that is best left lurking in the shadows.

Singh (Ronald Cheng) reaches an advanced stage of enlightenment in his distant Himalayan retreat. His guardians, and fellow recluses, send him down to Yoga City to find the woman he is betrothed to, India Beauty, and learn more about the wider world. As Singh sets out on his journey, his naive outlook is immediately noticed by beautiful, yet unscrupulous Tally (Ying) who is keen to upset the future happiness of her rival India Beauty. Tally takes Singh under her dubious wing and starts to change him from wide-eyed innocent to arrogant thug, all in an attempt to satisfy her jealousy. Meanwhile three visitors to India (Lau Ching Wan and Shine) encounter a variety of con-artists and opportunists who manage to turn the uncle into a semi-dazed wanderer and the nephews into complete amnesiacs. While the uncle has great difficulty distinguishing between reality and the strange hallucinations that plague him, the youngsters start to follow a fellow victim (Ng) of local conmen in the mistake belief that he is their father. These various strangers find their lives inter-woven when Indian Beauty holds a contest to find a husband, with all of the particpants eager to succeed.

It's astonishing when one considers just how vast the gulf in quality is between 'Himalaya Singh' and 'Fantasia'. Last year, audiences were wowed and critics mostly bowled over by 'Fantasia', a comic cornucopia that was brimming with wit and effective homage to the Hui brothers. 'Himalaya Singh' is, by contrast, a tirade of tiresome extended sketches and desperate humour that attempts to bludgeon the viewer into a state of dazed conformity. Eventually, after 90 minutes stagger past with the sophistication of a headbutting contest, the initial indifference turns to maddening frustration.

The luscious setting - easily the films greatest asset - is evidence that money was lavished on this production, but precious few cents seem to have splashed in the general direction of the screenplay. The story is slight, stretching the bumbling buffooneries of a cast of uninteresting characters into a full length feature, something that is a reminder of the very worst conventions that Hong Kong cinema can be guilty of. The forced brand of humour - filled, as it is, with hammy grimaces and gurning - is unrelenting in its banality, turning seasoned performers such as Lau Ching Wan and Francis Ng into unappealing puppets. For a supposed comedy, this latter flaw is especially hard to stomach.

In terms of characterisation (if that isn't too optimistic a word) 'Himalaya Singh' is peppered with the age old problems that lesser Hong Kong comedies have often been saddled with. Cherrie Ying plays the ubiquitous waif who, in films of this nature, spends the first 80 minutes treating the hero dreadfully only to fall in love at the last moment. As the viewer we are meant to forgive all of her selfish atrocities towards Singh and actually feel moved by her closing admissions of love towards him. Such a ridiculous plot device has scuppered more than a few similar such comedies. Lau Ching Wan and Francis Ng both overact to within an inch of ther lives, the former coming across like a poor Mr. Bean take-off while the latter just flails his arms around wildly. To turn two of Hong Kong's finest actors into the blubbering idiots they play here should be made a capital offense punishable by beheading.

If Wai Ka Fai's criminal misuse of his cast and location doesn't rile most viewers, the appaling CGI will. 'Fantasia' used a few moments of computer trickery which, while reasonably well integrated, still proved to be the weakest component of an otherwise superb film. 'Himalaya Singh' is never so sparing though and the actual quality of the effects are considerably worse than its predecessor; it seems as if every other scene has some incongruous use of poorly rendered CGI, turning an already floundering production into a near disaster. The advancements in computer effects have made Hollywood film-makers lazy, but the rest of the world is in no better position. At least Hollywood can mostly call on superior special effects rather than the bottom-of-the-barrel, ZX Spectrum variety we're faced with here.

Hong Kong appears to be awash with directors who can switch from grand achievements to miserable productions. James Yuen's excellent 'Crazy N' The City' was a stark contrast to the director's earlier abomination, 'My Wife Is 18', while Dante Lam also has a disturbing unpredictability that makes every new film a risk to potential viewers. Wai Ka Fai has now joined this debatable list of film-makers. 'Himalaya Singh' is a depressing fusion of noise and colour that Hong Kong cinema can ill-afford to keep churning out. With the local market still struggling, it can no longer tolerate such costly catastrophes.

In the year 2001, prisons have now become a business that are ruled over by corrupt wardens and their henchmen. However, from one such prison emerges Ricky - a wrongly convicted inmate who is extremely adept at fighting and very hacked off. When the tough guys on his cell block start causing trouble, it doesn't take Ricky long to take justice into his own hands and he begins dishing out punishment with his fists. As his activities begin to draw the attention of the people in charge, Ricky soon becomes top of quite a few hit lists and he is bombarded by numerous assassins. Will Ricky's unique approach help him bring down the crooked management or will he find himself on the fast track to death row?

Based on a popular manga comic strip, it's probably fair to say that 'Story Of Ricky' emerges as an adaptation that is centred around extravagant visuals rather than a decent storyline. Perhaps this is an easy trap to fall into when it comes to converting a comic book to the big screen as they often concentrate more on artwork than scripting but when done properly, it is still possible to come up with a strong concept (as we've seen with recent Hollywood successes such as 'Blade' or 'Spiderman'). However, 'Story Of Ricky' sets itself up for a fall instantly with an extremely simple "corrupt prison" plot that holds no depth or originality and leaves the viewer (particularly those of us unfamiliar with the source) completely devoid of emotional attachment to the characters. It must be said though that this is through no fault of the actors who are adequate and do their best to incorporate the interesting traits into their characters, but when they have so little to work with it is difficult to produce a noteworthy performance.

In a film that is so dependent on it's action sequences, its a disappointment that 'Story Of Ricky' fails to capatilise on it's many opportunities. Rather than utilise the obvious talent of it's star Fan Siu Wong (made all the more apparent by his demo in the HKL DVD), the film opts to make the fights very basic with an over-reliance on gore rather than Martial Arts ability. Obviously, this method is in keeping with the typical manga style and on the printed page it is quite captivating, but here it only leaves the fight fan frustrated by the lack of actual content. However, if it is low budget eye gouging, head crushing and limb ripping that you crave, then there is still a saving grace to 'Story Of Ricky'. Much like Romero's classic 'Dawn Of The Dead', the effects on display here are created using simple materials but are extremely effective and cause the viewer to cringe on queue.

Perhaps at one time, 'Story Of Ricky' was a curio for fans that was highly sought after due to it's censorship but now it just seems like an empty vessel that is an excuse to experiment with grotesque make-up. Definitely one for fans of shallow horror movies or late night post-pub viewing rather than reference material for the industry.

The 'hammer hitting a baking tray' sound effects and the flailing arms and legs dates this kung-fu drama back to the early to mid-70s. 'Tiger's Claw' also appears dated with the first sights of a very young-looking Cliff Lok taking the lead role. Immediately then, prospective viewers will get an initial indication of whether they'll enjoy this film or not. Lok was never the Jade Screen's most graceful fighter - indeed his raw energy and rough approach draws an obvious comparison to Wang Yu - but his lead role is watchable as is Shek Kien's more mature performance. The big annoyances with this film are based around its unimaginative choreography and poor direction. Firstly, even though this dates back to 1974, there's still a definite lack of spark in many of the fight scenes; the odd one or two confrontations do prove to be reasonably engaging, but as a whole this isn't the case. Also, Lok's character is so unpleasant and arrogant that it is quite a challenge to warm to him. Unfortunately he's the main star and so his irrational behaviour and dreadful treatment of others is meant to be accepted by a gullable viewer. There are moments of intrigue that help 'Tiger's Claw' to entertain and it's definitely not the worst the genre has to offer. However, any chance of a three star rating is undermined by some very dubious plot twists and a complete lack of development of them.

Reasonable kung-fu drama.

PICTURE: Presented in a double-bill with the rare 'Choy Li Fut' (which was practically unwatchable due to poor quality print/disc). This is naturally taken from a VHS master and presented in full screen. Quite a pale print that suffers in dark scenes. Colours lack definition or contrast. Watchable, but very average.

SOUND: Mono English dubbed soundtrack only.

After finding his long-lost daughter, Ling (Zhao), in a Chinese village, wealthy automobile tychoon Cheung (Ng) decides to take her to his palatial home and get re-aquainted with her. The years in relative poverty have taken their obvious toll, though, with Ling's eating habits and basic hygene creating major problems for her father. To solve this quandry, Cheung enlists the help of out-of-work Joe (Cheng) who claims to be a style consultant and promises to make Ling the socialite daughter that will wow upper-class Shanghai.The task proves to be particularly challenging and Joe's various attempts to change his project's demeanour initially fail. Nevertheless, Joe's efforts are at least making an impression on Ling's heart and he suddenly finds that his own feelings towards her are thrown into confusion.

I only have myself to blame. After my fingers have been burnt on more than one occassion by Raymond Yip's scattershot handling of material, I keep coming back for more. 'My Dream Girl' is a pitiful example of how poor a badly orchestrated romantic comedy can be; to have such a lack of both all-important elements takes directorial mismanagement of epic proportions. Even though the well-worn premise should give a production of this nature a head start, it isn't long before the sheer laziness of the work rises to the surface.

There are probably enough problems with this film to devote to a whole thesis, but thankfully for you I have to condense it down into a much shorter review. The first thing that struck me as the film progressed was just how bad a job Ekin Cheng's character was actually doing. Appearing like an hellish, exaggerated version of the 'before' segments on 'What Not To Wear', Vicki Zhao is taken from social degradation and given a bizarre Chinese-afro cut, a Monroe-esque blond wig and a whole Burberry outfit that makes its wearer look like a psychadelic Sherlock Holmes. If I was employing Cheng to re-style my daughter and this was what he came up with I'd probably have him horse-whipped. Obviously some of this ineptitude is intended to be comical, but it seems quite strange that thirty minutes of these design nightmares flashes by without any of the other characters noticing. One final question crops up in my mind: why do Mainland characters always seem to have these bubble perms that are intended to make them look backward (see Chow Yun-Fat in 'The Greatest Lover')? Is the 1970s incarnation of Kevin Keegan held with god-like esteem in China?

Ekin Cheng is an actor who I often find myself defending against public antipathy - he has improved immeasurably since those wretched 'Young And Dangerous' days and he does lend a modicum of charisma to most of his recent appearances. In 'My Dream Girl' neither he or Vicki Zhao have any hope of generating any chemistry; as the film drags on, it's obvious that you'd have more chance of seeing a graveyard burst into a spontaneous rendition of the hokey cokey then have these stars actually create a genuine feeling of love for one another. From the opening scenes where Richard Ng suddenly discovers his long-lost daughter to Zhao's remarkable attachment to Cheng, the characters and situations are deplorably underwritten. Even the most forgiving (read comatosed) audience cannot simply accept these situations without some kind of incidental scenes helping to show the various relationships grow.

'My Dream Girl' has an interesting Shanghai locale and an eager cast in its favour. Though I don't want to keep tearing apart Yip's various efforts quite so feverently, I simply despair of such an amateurish execution of good material, especially by a director who sporadically shows that he could do much better. I've lost 90 minutes of my life that could've been more productively spent on getting rid of those pesky nostril hairs. Make sure you don't make the same mistake.

Chiang Wu is desperate to learn kung fu, but cannot afford to pay for lessons at one of the many schools in town. Nevertheless, Wu tries to pick up what skills he can by observing others and spying on the secretive lessons of various clans. Such behaviour naturally brings him to the attention of the local ruffians and he has to endure a few beatings at their hands before he is saved by a superkicking stranger. Wu finds some allies in his quest when he befriends a quartet of beggars who help him raise money by demonstrating kung fu in the town. During a brawl that envelops the friends, the quartet come to the rescue of a cocky old man who decides to be Wu's adoptive grandfather after they escape. When the old man discovers Wu's desire to learn kung fu he persuades the young man to learn a few moves off him. However, these basic skills are still no match for the adversaries he faces and Chiang Wu must practice in earnest if he has any hope of beating a surprising foe.

The storyline is similar to the superior 'Daggers 8' and the inspiration of Jackie Chan's Seasonal hit films is always very obvious. 'Kung Fu On Sale' is padded out with the kind of cliches that have always worked against the sub-genre's credibility; the town thugs (why do they always travel around in threes?), the obligatory fight in a restaurant, the craggy master and the 'comic' interludes of the eccentric background characters are regurgitated yet again. The ever annoying Dean Shek makes his expected appearance to really kill off any chances this film has of being original and the tiresome direction that Su Chen Ping provides means that, even at 89 minutes, viewing is a chore. There is some solid action here - especially from Man Lee Pang ('My Life's On The Line') - but much of this is undercranked. 'Kung Fu On Sale' is strictly for fans who absolutely must see every film the genre has to offer. The majority of viewers would be best advised looking elsewhere for entertainment.

When an original style of film makes it big, it is pretty much expected that a thousand imitations will follow in an attempt to cash-in on the current trendsetter. The Asian film market is a particularly guilty party when it comes to this process and 'Shaolin Vs. Ninja' is a prime example. Displaying clear signs of a film rushed into production, it relies heavily on the influence of Jet Li's 'Shaolin Temple' and the whole Ninja mythos (which were in the ascendance at this time) to provide a quick and easy claim to fame. Sadly, it suffers from the same handful of flaws as the majority of films produced this way; the budget is low, the plot is poor (or non-existent) and it lacks decent direction. Lo Rei's presence could and should have raised it's pedigree but his part is limited to cameos during the action which causes the film to plod along without a clearly defined hero or main character/s. This leaves the fight sequences to provide a certain saving grace which they do thanks to a well choreographed tournament between the Shaolin and Ninja but even this did little to lift my general opinion on 'Shaolin Vs. Ninja'.

'Shaolin Vs. Ninja' is a very poorly made film that is so badly thought out that it is often completely unwatchable. The fight sequences allow for a few distracting moments but they are not enough to make it a worthwhile purchase.

When a Ming revolutionary stumbles upon the contest unaware of the prize, his resounding victory leaves him with a new responsibility. However, knowing that marriage would impede his political activities, the victor and his friend decide to flee, with the grandfather and granddaughter in hot pursuit. Wherever the two friends go and no matter how elaborate their disguise, their pursuers are never far behind and always eager to finally cement the wedding plans. Matters take a more serious twist when the revolutionaries meet their brotherhood and must face the might of the Ching armies. Thankfully though, the grandfather is familiar with the cause and decides to add his own helping hand in the finale.

Joseph Kuo has shown in some of his best features that he has the ability to develop excellent kung fu films. With a fascination for colourful characters and his own directorial touches, Kuo is one of the better independent directors of the 70s. 'The Smart Cavalier' though is a sloppily directed, poorly developed kung fu comedy with little to entertain. The actual concept of the chase between the revolutionaries and the grandfather/granddaughter along with the revolutionary overtones has definite potential; the mix of characters and situations could have spawned something akin to Kuo's better work. However, by the half-hour mark, 'The Smart Cavalier' has all the excitement and intrigue of a Scooby Doo cartoon. Indeed it is that the film seems to mimic the same format as a cartoon: the heroes escape; their pursuers appear out of nowhere; the heroes escape; their pursuers appear out of nowhere...and on and on. Whereas Scooby Doo is twenty minutes long though, this tired chain of events happens throughout a 90 minute duration. Things seem to improve at the film's ending, but even this fight finale - featuring the brief 10 minute appearance by Lo Lieh - is ruined by poor character development. Too often this production introduces characters with no history or persona and then expects the audience to believe in them. 'The Smart Cavalier' is a below par effort from Joseph Kuo, a director who should know better.

PICTURE: Very pale print that disappoints with its average colours and poor detail. The actual imaging is ok, but its far too washed out.

SOUND: Mandarin soundtrack with English, Traditional Chinese and Simplified Chinese subtitles (removable).

EXTRAS: The typically useless Data Bank.

Black Cougar (Tang) is a slick superthief with extraordinary talents. When a new client promises Black Cougar unimaginable riches for one seemingly straight-forward mission, he naturally accepts. He therefore builds a team of like-minded persons all with their own amazing skills: there's a gun-toting charmer who can fire bullets with incredible precision (Leung); a suave gambler who uses playing cards as his weapon (Yam); a beautiful, needle-throwing woman (Ng); an equally charming swordswoman (Lin); a bizarre computer genius (Cheung); and a newcomer who is a skilled fighter (Chan). The actually task - stealing a well-guarded box from a police station - goes without a hitch and all seems to be going well. However, Cougar finds himself betrayed by his employer and is consequently imprisoned by the enemy. These duplicitous employers prove to be working for Bloody Wolf (Wah), Cougar's supposedly dead brother. With a whole army facing them, the Black Panther Warriors need to rely on each other to defeat the villains.

Somewhere on earth, there might a exist a computer than can decipher the meaning of 'The Black Panther Warriors' - but that's doubtful. Everyone hears about how mind-numbing the film is and people attempt to be the one who will actually understand the 'comedy' etc, but no-one has ever succeeded. A very ordinary storyline is weighed down by some of the strangest (and most annoying) characters ever to have hit the screen and an avalanche of stupifying, often tasteless, comedy. What drives the final nails in the coffin of this is one of the worst subtitling jobs ever by Mega Star; it's hard to remember a sentence that makes any sense. The only slight redemption is the wildly imaginative and surreal action sequences that prop up the film. These show that Clarence Ford at least knows how to create a visually striking feature. Nonetheless, a potential viewer has to ask themselves if they're prepared to watch the following:

1. Tony Leung doing acrobatics and literally going insane everytime he hears Mandarin.
2. Dicky Cheung (aggghhhh!!!!) salivating like a baby if he doesn't have a dummy in his mouth.
3. Ludicrous melodrama that pops up every now and again.

PICTURE: With all the great films that have received poor DVD transfers, its disheartening to report that this is an excellent anamorphic print. There are a few white specks on the print, but overall its very good. Colour definition is strong as is the detailed flesh-tones. The major downside, as was said in the review, is the incomprehensible subtitling job that Mega Star have done.

SOUND: 5.1 Cantonese or Mandarin soundtracks with English, Traditional Chinese, Simplified Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Bahasa Malaysia, Bahasa Indonesia, Thai and Vietnamese subtitles (removable).

TRAILERS: Just one for the film itself.

EXTRAS: None.

When Jackie Chan and Liu Chia Liang clashed on the set of 'Drunken Master 2' Liang decided to take flight and make his own version of what he envisaged as a follow up to the Wong Fei Hung classic. The story for the film is a fairly clouded one which concentrates on the political battles of the time period and really fails to produce anything of any substance. It was obviously rushed into production to try to beat Jackie to the punch and this is apparent when you sit back and analyse the plot along with the minimal characterisation. The narrative begins to trail off, particularly in the middle, and it turns into something of a comedy/farce affair with little or nothing of any interest happening until the finale when we get to see some enjoyable kung fu from three great stars; Liu Chia Liang, Gordon Liu Chia Hui and Andy Lau.

The main problem with 'Drunken Master 3' is that with so much talent on board you would expect to see a much better film but everybody is so under-used. Couple this along with the fact that the supposed major star power, Andy Lau, is barely in the film (it amazed me that they managed to accumulate so much out-take footage of him for the final reel) and you have a seriously lacklustre movie. The only saving grace has to be some of the well choreographed action, especially the fight between Simon Yam and Willie Chi, but even this is fairly bland in comparison to most of 'the Pops' previous work. It's watchable but definitely not a true sequel to the 'Drunken Master' legacy...

When a young boy finds himself alone in the world when his adoptive father disappears after a fight, his first thought is to go to Shaolin. With the help of a kindly cook, this goal is achieved and soon the boy grows into a confident fighter. Meanwhile an ambitious kung-fu master has his sights on domination and knows he must own the manual of the Shaolin Fist to succeed. Therefore he creates a plot to frame someone with the theft and keep the valuable instruction book for himself. Soon turmoil is aroused in the martial world and the new Shaolin disciple finds himself in the middle of it.

It's hard to explain the plot of 'Fury In The Shaolin Temple' in a few lines, such is the hackneyed nature of the film. Needless to say this is an attempt to throw in everything that could be seen as popular in the genre when the film was made, with Shaolin, kung fu manuals and outrageous villains all making an appearance. This film, quite simply put, makes absolutely no sense. For example, Philip Ko is misleadingly down as one of the main stars, but appears in just one fight scene - one which has absolutely nothing to do with anything else in the film. Liu Chia Hui looks as if he's sleepwalking through the production with only a passing interest in what is happening around him. His apathy is shared by the viewer. The only real entertainment is watching the truly menacing villain over-act and cackle viciously while bearing a passing resemblence to Jimmy Saville (sorry to all non-UK readers). His frequent close-ups and stares add a creepy curiousity value to this. Finally, and vitally, the fight action is mediocre. With films like 'Prodigal Son', 'Knockabout' and 'The Young Master' (not to mention scores of other classics) around near the same time, the choreography here looks hopelessly out-dated and is a certain black mark in the career of the usually dependable Chien Yuet San. It says much for this exploitation flick when the 18 Shaolin warriors wear lycra bodystockings in one scene! Even fans of 'Fame' might want to look elsewhere for entertainment.

PICTURE:
Part of the 'Wu Tang Clan' collection. Picture quality is sadly better than most of the Shaw Brothers DVDs that have found their way onto disc, but still only average. The picture is dark and quite murky, but better than other films taken from VHS masters. Full screen with poor U.S. dubbing.

SOUND:
Mono English dub only.

TRAILERS:
18 trailers for other Ground Zero discs.

EXTRAS:
For a poor film, this is a very impressive disc. Full marks to Ground Zero for filling this disc with extras and trailers - next time they should use their time on a better film. Extras include Liu Chia Hui biography and clips from his films, interview with the Wu-Tang Clan about their music, Shaolin philosophy and much more.

As a moviegoer, I for one am after one thing... action! Thankfully in this department 'Blood' doesn’t let you down and the scenes are very well choreographed, which isn’t surprising considering the guy who is credited as the “action director” here is Corey Yuen Kwai. Three action/fight scenes particularly stand out; one involving Saya’s mentor (Yasuaki Kurata) battling a dozen guys in a forest, another being a sequence in an alley, and the last being the obligatory Final battle sequence.

Overall though, the film is a forgettable one. Much of the story could have been padded better, with the format really revolving around getting to the next action sequence when more depth to the characters would have been far more beneficial. It does have that manga feel (although maybe it's slightly more cartoonish) which I guess is the kind of film you're watching, but the over-use of wires really detracts. However, with a title like 'Blood' you would expect some, and at least in that department it doesn't disappoint.

So in the end, 'Blood: The Last Vampire' is a fair film. Like I said before, it's nothing that will stay with you but as a popcorn movie it'll just about quench your thirst. Maybe even enough for you to dust off those old Ninja videos for one last play.

An evil doctor, who works for an evil corporation, has created some kind of evil virus and infected everyone with it. Thus Japan (and possibly the world) is now populated with the undead. However, this being a zombie flick, there is a rag tag bunch of non-dead making their way across the land, fighting off hordes of mutant dead people, so the main characters can find the remaining (hopefully) alive members of their family. And kill the evil doctor. Or something. What’s definitely happens is: there is a sexy bikini wearing samurai cowgirl who hacks up a lot of zombies. If that is your thing, then, well, cool.

While it offers nothing new to the zombie and action genres or low budget Japanese cinema (except maybe a sexy bikini wearing samurai cowgirl), 'Chanbara Beauty' is mindless action stuffed junk that packs in the odd bit of creativity here and there. Director Yohei Fukada (cinematographer on Japanese sick flick, 'Grotesque') is obviously trying to make his own fun zombie/horror/action flick a la Raimi, Jackson or even Kitamura and while his film works with its own simple, silly premise and sexy leading lady, it is nothing genre fans haven’t seen a million times before. The sense of fun a flick like this needs never ignites enough and when it does gets extinguished in favour of making things go serious all of a sudden. Not something that really works when the main premise is a sexy bikini wearing samurai cowgirl fighting zombies. I mean, how do you make that dull?

The crappy CGI in the action scenes actually mars the film rather than adds to the silly fun and there are a couple of unnecessary and distastefully misogynistic scenes, which again, ruin the fun. Still, it’s not all that bad and if you need another zombie slaying flick to sate your appetite, then 'Chanbara Beauty' will do. Despite the ropey CGI, action guy Go Ohara ('Death Trance') does stage some cool feats of combat not least an epic showdown between the sexy bikini wearing samurai cowgirl and a bunch of hooded zombies in an abandoned warehouse.

Not quite having the right sense of gleeful fun a flick like this needs or reaching the crazy, stylized and action heights of similar fare such as 'Versus' or 'Machine Girl', 'Chanbara Beauty' is an uncomplicated, intermittently fun, undead actioner that will please fans of the genre and the videogames.

Beautifully shot and superbly acted by a committed cast, 'The President’s Last Bang' is ultimately an underwhelming affair. The laid back approach to proceedings will certainly be enjoyed by some but the film seems to take too long to get going anywhere, the suspense often diluted by a meandering pace. Things certainly pick up with the bloody attack on the President, startling in its violence after such a slow first start. But after this outburst the flick once again falls back into that meandering, never stirring up enough emotion or pace. As mentioned some will find this approach rewarding while others may be frustrated as nothing ever really happens outside of the assassination and Kim Jae Kyu’s somewhat humorous mental fallout.

That said the film is still an occasionally interesting slice of Korean cinema, thanks in part to Baek Yun-shik’s excellent portrayal of Kim. A man, who seems to have everything together, soon unravels as it becomes increasingly questionable about why he in fact decided to assassinate the President. The fine photography is also a delight to watch (including an impressive overhead tracking shot ala Brian De Palma) but ultimately Sang-soo’s film fails to find the right balance between black comedy, suspense and true life drama. Certainly recommended for those looking for something a little different but not quite the film it could have been.

It's perhaps ironic that I watched this film on 'Children In Need' day; after the insane opening credits we are informed that this film is dedicated to children. Indeed 'Demon Of The Lute' shares the same predilection towards making famous faces embarrass themselves for a cause as 'Children In Need' does. But whereas the annual charity event throws up weathermen doing routines from 'The Full Monty', 'Demon Of The Lute' gives us Lee Hoi San with a big red afro (that gives him special powers), a hero with a gigantic pair of golden scissors, a impish young star with one of the most shrill dubbed voice in history, a fight between a hero and an Alsatian drawn carriage (and I do mean the canine variety), dolls emitting fireworks that warn of danger, villains with extending beards and appendages... the list of madness goes on and on. It seems that only kids subjected to constant mental abuse by the array of loud, in-your-face shows of 'Cartoon Network' and 'Nickelodeon' are likely to escape a viewing of this unharmed.

Hidden deep within the bowels of this infernal locomotive is some half decent action. A few moments are wildly inventive, showing exactly the kind of imagination and vigour that put Hong Kong cinema firmly on the map. These scenes, though, are sunk beneath a barrage of quickly cut fantasmagoria that pulsates from the television like an atomic blast. Even the scenes of dialogue seem to take place at a hastened pace; words are spurted out, answers lashed back, then characters arise with an undercranked spring in their step. All of this amounts to a confusing, exhausting, overwhelming 100 minutes of mayhem.

Mainstream Hong Kong cinema has often embraced the bizarre and the baffling, but 'Demon Of The Lute' may be a step too far for many. An all star cast makes matters more bearable as do some colourful moments of inspiration, yet this is a film that very obviously came near the end of the great Shaw Brothers' period. If all that was needed for an entertaining production was a band of familiar faces overacting for the entertainment of children, this would be a near masterpiece. Most will want a bit more than that to be impressed.

Corpulent Hanna (Kim A-Jung complete with semi-convincing make-up) uses her velvety voice for her twin-fold professions as operator on a chat-line and vocal talent for perfectly formed, yet tone deaf K-Pop sensation Ammy. Aware that her looks keep her from getting the man of her dreams, Ammy's producer Sang-Jun, Hanna reluctantly hides in the shadows while others capitalise on her talents. One particularly harsh shaming at the hands of Ammy and the subsequent acceptance by Sang-Jun that he doesn't find Hanna remotely attractive sends the timid admirer into an abyss of depression. Just before she attempts to take her own life though, the idea of re-inventing herself at the hands of a renowned plastic surgeon she knows comes to her. Black-mailing the reluctant surgeon into performing extensive work on her entire body, Hanna is transformed over the course of a year into a beautiful Jun Ji-hyun look-a-like who she christens Jenny. Hanna decides to audition for Sang-Jun using her new guise and become the star she thinks she should always have been. With stunning looks and her ability to sing, Jenny is signed up as a future pop star though jealous diva Ammy resolves to find out exactly who this new star really is.

Anyone who, in a moment of unflinching self-flagellation, has watched more than a few seconds of 'E-Entertainment channel' will see what extensive plastic surgery by yet another celebrity trying to claw back a few years of 'youth' really looks like; as if two separate packs of feral dogs are pulling either side of the said celeb's face, each smile looks like a task that Hercules would have flinched at. Yet Kim Yong-Hwa turns his leading lady into the kind of vision of beauty that looks like it has never been near a surgeon's knife, all to prove the ultimate point that beauty is only skin-deep. As with other films that have tried the same tactic - 'Love On A Diet' comes to mind - the results are mixed and the message hypocritical at times.

From the opening scene of clumsy ineptitude by Hanna to the expected conclusion, '200 Pounds Beauty' is a typically operatic Korean rom-com where subtlety is elbowed aside in favour of 'My Sassy Girl' style emotional fireworks. Whereas that benchmark of the niche still occupies the very summit, '200 Pounds Beauty' is a glossy film that is ultimately as superficial as Ammy, one of its air-headed characters. It purports to show how shallow the world can be and how someone's physical appearance should not be the criterion on which they are judged, the trials of Hanna/Jenny supposedly showing how inner purity are far more important. Yet the awkward fact is that the female protagonists are just as obsessed with looks and outward appearance as anyone else, including our heroine; the love of her life is, coincidentally, very handsome yet isn't exactly shown to have too much happening upstairs other than the requisite furrowed brow.

'200 Pounds Beauty' is slickly shot with an attractive cast and a couple of moments of mirth that succeed, a combination of attributes that nearly scrapes it a third star. Nevertheless, anyone who has seen more than a few of its ilk will fail to see the reason to sit through another two-hour retread of the same information. Nothing refreshing is brought to the screen and the execution of the story is workmanlike to say the least. The genre is full of such beautiful failures and despite its pretensions to dig beneath the surface this is another to add to the pile.

Ultimately there is something uncomfortable about the portrayal of the male characters and what it says about the gender as a whole that sticks in the mind with '200 Pounds Beauty'. This coruscating film highlights the fact that all men are only devoted to outward beauty and all women are merely victims of that desire. Apparently all of the magazines targeted specifically at women, where what you wear, what you eat and how you can be like your new demi-god (celebrity) don't sell in their millions and influence countless people around the world. That such information comes from a medium as notably narcissistic as cinema is the final nail in the productions coffin.

Night (Paiaya) is a professional assassin who likes to get up close and personal with his targets in order for him to annihilate them with his preferred weapon - the sword. However, after a number of years in the job he has finally decided to call it quits but he is double crossed by his boss and left for dead. Luckily for Night, he is rescued by a mysterious crime fighting organisation who recognise his potential and send him to a fabled martial arts master for training. Once completed, Night is given a fresh assignment - to track down and deal with the vicious criminals who now seem to be filling up every street corner. Night accepts the mission because he knows this will be the perfect opportunity for him to track down the man who betrayed him and exact his bloody revenge.

Personally, I've never been a huge fan of independent martial arts flicks (with the odd exception) because I generally find they lack the finesse or style required to truly excite me. In the case of 'Death List', I'm sorry to say that this isn't the film to make me drastically alter my opinions. Admittedly, it has some half decent action scenes and sensibly chooses to keep the running time to a little over an hour but I still wouldn't class it as a smooth and solid slice of entertainment. As with most independent films, the first hurdle is attempting to see beyond the low budget and amateur camera work, and as far as 'Death List' is concerned this is initially quite a struggle. The main problem is the film's opening segment which is an amalgamation of tongue in cheek Zatoichi-style homages and a handful of celebrity cameos which weren't particularly interesting or well handled and had me hovering over the stop button on more than one occasion. The comedy routines are also somewhat tiresome as the dubbing "gag" wears thin extremely quickly (one wonders why Paiaya even bothered to include it here) and the majority of the slapstick jokes, although not disastrous, always seem overly familiar and you can't escape the feeling they have been done better elsewhere.

However, perseverance really is the key here and if you stick with it there are some flashes of fun still to be found within 'Death List'. The fights, when they finally edge away from the swordplay, come thick and fast with the camera angles showing off the movement and dexterity of the performer's competently. Paiaya himself looks particularly adept in the acrobatic department and even though some of his moves lack a significant flow, he does deserve a lot of credit for effort. The stuntwork is also impressive for a low budget film with all of the performers taking a number of genuine cuts and bruises although it is sometimes evident that the film has been edited to enhance the end product. Sadly, I do have one major criticism of this area and that is the fact that it's always apparent that Paiaya has a hankering to be the Scottish Jackie Chan. Now you may not consider this a bad thing as if you were going to emulate anyone then Jackie Chan is as good a person as any but Paiaya is some way from his standards and his low grade repetition of Chan's infamous routines only leaves the audience comparing rather than truly appreciating.

In summary, 'Death List' isn't a bad effort as it's an easy watch (once you wade your way through the first 10 minutes that is) and the fights definitely get points for effort but I would still say it's some distance from being what I would consider "quality" action cinema. It's probably more of an entertaining curio that you will watch once before confining it to your dusty pile of DVDs that you won't touch again for a good few years.