First of, for those who hasn’t seen this film and are wondering what the dragon missile is; it's a boomerang in which one side is bladed while the other side has carvings of a dragon. The Lo Lieh villain carries two of them. It's a little like the flying guillotine as the purposes of these two weapons are to lop off heads but under different methods. Is the dragon missile appealing? @#$% YEAH!!!!! But is it better than the flying guillotine? @#$% NO!!!! But it comes a close second.

The story is where this film truly shines. The film focuses primarily on Lo Lieh who is actually the villain in this film, though a kind of a different villain at that. He more or less does what it takes to get the job done right, only kills when he has no choice, does question his morals but the job does come first and that is to lick the majesty's ass. Let just say he’s a rational villain. The storytelling is very different from most kung fu films (no Shaolin or Ching vs. Ming bullshit) with some pleasant twists, complex characterization and so forth but, for some, the pacing can be a bit inconsistent or a bit rushed in certain aspects 'cause, after all, it's a Ho Meng Hua film.

The kung fu action is good but not great. I would of liked more intricate weapons like the metal blades that come out of a woman’s fingers, or that idiots ring whips or, of course, the dragon missile but, eh, can't have everything. Overall the fights were very fun and appealing.

Other things to consider, there are lots of head lopping goodness as well as an arm, the heroes in this film were so f@#$in’ annoying that I rooted for Lo Lieh to win, Shaw Brothers production and so on.

Conception: 4 1/2 (out of 5) – The dragon missile is very cool but not up to the standards of the flying guillotine (in which I believe they were capitalizing on with the success of the film Flying Guillotine).

Execution: 4 ½ (out of 5) – Though the film feels a bit rushed in certain aspects, overall the story was well told, the characters were a bit absurd but appealing especially Lo Lieh’s character and the fights were fun.

Fairness: I’ll admit that I’m over-rating this film a little ‘because it is rather absurd with the dragon missile weapon and the hokey characters. The blind kung fu old lady was funny as hell.

Conclusion: Logically, it’s a 3 ½ but personal loves comes first with this one. Fun as @#$% and worth it all, bitches!

Personally, it's a four because I'm not too thrilled with the concept and I find patriotic Chinese people to be annoying (sorry if that was offensive but I've seen enough whining and bitching about Chinese patriotism in Chinese film, in general. I get enough of that shit in the U.S. and its f#$%in' annoying. "Waaaaah, we love our country." Shut up, retard.). Okay, where was I? Well there you go.

The fights were freakin' amazing. As if you need me to tell you this so I'm going to skip it. And everything else......... OH ALL OF YOU SEEN THIS STUPID MOVIE SO SKIP IT ALL TOGETHER!!!!!! GOD!!!!

One final note: Lar Ka Leung got booted during the shooting of this film. Tell me if I am wrong here, but the reason for his leave was because he wanted the drunken boxing to come out at the very end, like the last second. Jackie wanted a longer display of drunken boxing at the final fight. If this is true then who is in the right? Anyone? I say Jackie was in the right. F#$% Lar Ka Leung. He a moron. The film is called DRUNKEN MASTER 2!!!! I THINK PEOPLE WANT TO SEE A FULL FLEDGED DRUNKEN BOXING SCENE YOU STUPID ASS!!!!!

Concept: 4 (out of 5) - Though the story didn't grab me, it still was fun and all that shit.

Execution: 5 (out of 5) - Oh, like you need my vomit. Speaking of which, I need to vomit. La La La. :)

Fairness: None. Up yours.

Conclusion: Nowhere near my favorite but it is indeed a film that deserves a highly pervading appraisal.

The reason I like this film is mainly the action, of course. There is plenty of it in this film with boat and car chases and street fighting which was a shitload of fun.

MY WIFE (I have lost all mental capabilities at this point) MAGGIE CHEUNG IS IN THIS FILM!!!!! I DON'T CARE IF SHE 800 YEARS OLD, I STILL MAKE HOT SWEATY MONKEY LOVE WITH HER!!!!!!! ARRRGGH!! :) And the other chick was hot too thus a sex sandwich is..... Oh crap, I forgot, this isn’t a porn site.

The comedy wasn't quite annoying except that piece of garbage Teddy Robin assface. GOD I HATED HIM!

Conception: 2 (out of five) - Twin movies are stupid but at least this one wasn't quite as annoying (except that troll f@#$er Teddy).

Execution: 4 (out of 5) - The action is where the film truly shines and Jackie’s chemistry with himself is perversely adequate.

Fairness: Depending on how truly annoyed you are with that impudent douche, Teddy, the film probably deserves a 2 1/2 at the least.

In conclusion: Not one of Jackie’s best, but it's lighthearted and violently fun (if that makes sense).

The number one reason why this film gave something concrete (I think its gall stones but I might be confused) is the story and how it was executed. This film is so filled with plot twists, revelations, and perfect characterizations that I euphorically shat for joy. Certainly the scenario is commonplace which deals with everyone’s hard-on for some treasure map but adding deception, mystique, cruelty and all sorts of crap and doing it consistently well just made this film epic. It was storytelling at its finest.

Characterization is another state of perfection. The film focuses on the 5 Venoms characters and the Chiang Sheng character and each character has a specific personality. Centipede is a flat-out villain lusting for greed, Snake is evil but does passionately question his malevolence, Scorpion is the manipulator and the deceiver which makes his character the most interesting, Gecko (or Lizard) is the nice guy with common sense and Toad is the bad-ass mofo. It just.... MAKES ME HORNY AND I'M NOT GAY! ARGGH! To add to this, the acting was excellent from Snakes questioning of his immorality when talking with the Scorpion to Phillip Kwok's mourning of Toad. It was excellent.

Though the film legitimately has 3 fight scenes (Toad vs. Centipede, Toad vs. Snake, and all Venoms minus Toad) they were all great for two reasons. One is the fighting styles. I love made-up kung fu styles. It makes the fights more interesting and appealing and for this particular film elevates the characterization. The other reason is obvious; it's @#$%in' Venoms, bitches.

Other things to consider are the typical Shaw Bros. cinematography but this time I'm paying compliments to the 5 Venoms lair. That was freakin' awesome, buttsuckaz.

Conception: 1,000,000, (out of 5) - Can orgasms exert heart attacks 'cause I think I may be having one.

Execution: 1,000,000,000 (out of 5) - Watching this film is like being raped by 500 super model women which is a good thing (not unless they have STDs or something equivalent: That would suck).

Fairness: For those who are one-tracked minded kung fu lovers seeking tons of kung fu action for this film, DON'T! It only has 3 of them. There is a scene where Ku Feng fights Snake and Centipede but it's not really a fight scene, it's a murder in progress. Plus the fights with Toad and the guards hardly qualify as fights scenes as well. The story is the primary focus on this film so @#$% your stupid kung fu action.

In conclusion: Ranks #4 in my all time favorite kung fu movies of all time. 5 stars is not only out of personal love but also out of logic so kiss my smooth, sweaty blubber.

AND I HATE WRITING LONG REVIEWS!!!!!!!! :)

Conception: 4 (out of 5 stars) – Love the characters and story was fine in a campy shitty way.

Execution: 4 (out of 5 stars) – As if I care about the kung fu choreography. This film has blood splashy goodness. ARRRGGGH!!

Fairness: But yes the fights don’t live up to the hype of the whole Venoms action stuff. It’s very factitious.

Conclusion: If one can overlook the poor kung fu action, this film does serve as a smorgasbord of campy, violence homo erotic palatability. If not then kiss my booty. SUCKAZZZZZ! :)

This is a typical Chang Cheh film with brotherly love (although they aren't really maturnal brothers so one would assume they are either best friends or they are gay), blood shed, vengeance and so forth. Just the way I like it. Who needs some stupid movie about sharing kung fu skills and sucking each others balls off when you got an angry heroic sucka prancing around and chopping people to bits. That's all I want. ARRRRGGGH!

This film is one of Chang Cheh's better films due to the fact that the story is really good and the fights were bloody and awsome especially the fight with Ti Lung and Lar Ka Wing, which was really chaotic and impressive. Ti Lung is now, to me, a legit bad-ass because of this when at one time I thought he was a salami smuggler. He has converted my thoughts.

Concept: Nothing too innovative but the story is good and fun and Shaw style production.

Execution: Great fight sequences, acting and la-de-da.

Fairness: None, beotich!

Conclusion: I really liked this film and it's odd 'cuz normally I'd berate these kind of films for their lack of originality but eh, kiss my fat!

Well, there are plenty of exceptions for me when it comes to gore films with prolongation because of consistent flow and pacing with the likes of movies like Dead Alive, Story of Ricky (perfect instantaneous shots of gore, hardly any prolongation)..... This film, Machine Girl, does fit this particular ilk of excellent gore cinema. From it's excellent unintentional humor (I think), hilarious characters, great conception, descent action, excellent pacing, high entertainment value, A HOT CHICK WITH A GATLING GUN FOR AN ARM IN A SCHOOL OUTFIT WHERE AT ONE POINT YOU SEE HER PANTIES AND BEAVER BUT IT SUCKS THAT IT'S NOT NAKED (ARRRRRGH, I HORNY SLAVE!!!!!!!!!!!), and a bunch of other crap makes this film a grindhouse film for the new era of cinema. It really is as good as I say, bitch.

The best scene ever is when the father was feeding his son gallons of blood for some ritualistic purposes. Oh, that was funny as hell.

Concept: 4 (out of 5) - A HOT CHICK WITH.... oh you get the idea.

Execution: 5 (out of 5) - Like I'm back in the 70's again with absurd yet thoroughly entertaining cinema.

Fairness: Perhaps the concept will not appeal to everyone because it's either absurd or uninspiring, some may hate the fact it's an indie gore film but I don't care.

Conclusion: BEST FILM EVER!!!! Well not really but it is a fun-ass film. ;p

This is by far my favorite Jackie Chan film ever. Although I think I liked the US cut version (New Line) a little better because they cut out some of that crappy slapstick comedy out the film. The scene where Jackie is at the Police Station talking to various people while being entangled in telephone cords; that part of the film kills the flow of the film due to the fact it was practically irrelevant other than Jackie's conversation with his moronic girlfriend. Overall, it really doesn't matter and it's easily ignorable. However some of the scenes that were cut; I felt they were important to the film like that one guy pissing himself due his apprehensiveness towards the gun fight with the gangsters. That sucked ass crack. Thankfully, if still in existence (I don't think it is), the DD version will fulfill your butt even though that fat f@#$in' moron Brett Ratner is in it. "Oh Jackie is wonderful, guyths, even though I ruined his US movie career with Rush Hour 3."

The films action is so good, I got a stiffy. From the excellent street brawling to the bizarre stunts that Jackie pulled were all stimulating. But not at stimulating as Maggie Cheung. Yes, I paused the movie at a certain point and dry humped her face. YES I HAD SEX WITH A TV!!! God, I'm so sexually frustrated, if not retarded. Brigitte Lin is hot too but she looked like a dyke in this film. "Urgh, my balls itch even though I'm a woman. Grrrr!"

Concept: 5 (out of 5) - Other than Hard Boiled, this is one of the best police dramas ever made.

Execution: 5 (out of 5) - Some of the comedy was good while others were stupid, the action is pure golden beyond stuff, and that's about it.

Fairness: N/A because I'm cynical.

Conclusion: BEST JACKIE FILM EVER!!! THE END!!! I WIN!!!! YOU LOSE!!!!! ARRRGGH!!! :)

First off is the flying guillotine weapon. This is such a rarely utilized weapon in kung fu cinema which makes it authentic but for this particular film, it is indeed an original concept and extremely appealing. Plus it's a little funny watching these people throw this weapon around and chopping people’s heads off. I love it. Makes me wet and yaddi-yadda.

The second reason is the story. The story is very well told as it's NOT about Ching vs. Ming or some stupid historical piece of garbage or a typical revenge thing but kind of has an equivalence toward The Fugitive movie only the main character, who was once a top assassin for the Ching government, is aware of his betrayal and tries to leave the ever-so corrupt Ching government so he can screw a hot chick but is constantly attacked by his old buddies who were a part of the flying guillotine club. The story has plot twists, shocking betrayals and all sorts of other stuff. It's very consistent and well told.

Other things to consider is Shaw style cinematography, bloody decapitations, excellent characterizations and so forth.

For kung fu fans who are in it for the kung fu and nothing more may not like this film. Most of the action in this film consists of guillotines flying about, colliding or ripping people’s heads off. There are fight scenes but most of them (if not at all) last no more than two minutes at the most (even the last fight scene) and it's not up to standards as far as a 1974 kung fu film is concerned. You won't even get a kung fu fight scene until 40 minutes into the film. The first 40 minutes of the film is training sequences, assassinations, Wang Yu's annoyance and so forth.

Concept: 5 (out of 5) - The flying guillotine concept is bitchin' and the story is better than most kung fu film stories (at least to me).

Execution: 4 (out of 5) - The fights weren't that great (doesn't bother me) but everything else is 99% consummate.

Fairness: Like I said not well choreographed fights.

Conclusion: Ranks #6 of my all time favorite kung fu films of all time. It is perfect in the eye of the Slave.

The first story, which lasts through to the end of the film, is about the descendents of the Ten Tigers who are trying to find out who is responsible for murdering their brothers. Of course the murderers turn out to be Manchurian assassins whose purpose is to lure out the original Ten Tigers by killing their descendents.

The second part of the story is from the nostalgia of the descendents who reminisce about the crap the original Ten Tigers had to go through trying to get some significant man of the Heaven and Earth whatever out of a town which is occupied by the Ching soldiers. Within this nostalgia we also learn about how the Ten Tigers came together.

I didn't think the story was confusing at all. It was just poorly told. However, the kung fu action will gratify your senses. Excellent fights and all that. So, unless you REALLY, REALLY hate bad storytelling, this film gets my recommendation.

Alright, time to get serious. :P

This film is so perfect in terms of logical perception of human insignificance. The thought that the zombies represent a reflection that people are incapable of excepting in which is simplicity is quite admirable. These simplistic aspects I am talking about are the ability to consume. Well, that is what I got out of it so kiss my fat, blubbery, walrus butt.

Concept: 8 billion (out of 5) - I hate zombies but the way they were explained in this film gave it a shitload of meaning.

Execution: 2 zillion (out of 5) - Excellent pacing and story and lots of blood splattery mayhem that would a quadriplegic an erection.

Fairness: Yes, it has cheesy acting and whatever but no one cares about you.

Conclusion: This is definitely a different horror film from any other. Perfect in every conceivable way.

First off, I am well aware of how abysmal this film is much like the Van Damme film Street Fighter; I am hopelessly obsessed with this film. I have seen this one 20 times and I can go for another 10 more times. 20 if I can get the shotgun out of my mouth to prevent myself from blowing my brains out.

The things you'll see in this film is completely incomprehensible. For one thing, I didn't even know the Riddler did impersonations. I thought he was just insane. Oh let us not forget the most laughable scene in the history of human events. The nice shot of Val Kilmer muscular and succulent bat butt. OH MY GOD! I almost died from laughter.

Other things to consider is the poor acting; example being: Tommy Lee Jones making the Two-Faced character like a moron, and the introduction of that fudgepacking, salami smuggling ninny Robin. I swear, I don't know what makes a moron want to utilize this worthless piece of shit in movies to begin with. He is so retarded. "Holy penetrable fissure Batman, that really hurt."

The scenes with Batman and Nicole Kidman’s character were funny as hell, too. I kept wonder if these idiots actually copulated, how would they do it? Would Batman hump Kidman with his body armor or does he have a contraption that whips out his Bat-dingaling? I don't know but it sounds peculiar.

Ok, now that I berated this film too death, now here comes Slaves retardation. The reason why I like watching this film aside from the unintentional comedy factor is the premise which is The Riddlers villainous plot. I love it. The fact that The Riddler creates a device that sucks the brain waves of human brains in order to assimilate their knowledge for complete intellect just humps my ass with euphoric exertions. OH MY GOD! WHY DOES THIS PREMISE HAVE TO EXIST IN THIS MOVIE?!!??!? Boo-hoo-hoo! :(

Concept: 1 (out of five) - Loved the premise but the cinematography and story was just vomitous just like looking your mama naked.

Execution: 0 (out of my butt) - Horrid acting (especially that fat security guard with a bald head and glasses in the beginning of the film: I wanted him to DIE!!!!!!!!!!!) the action is not too bad..... OH @#$% IT!

Fairness: Batman fans will.... phsssss.... like..... he he HA HA HA HA!!..... it.

Conclusion: Well, you can either look at this film as a "so bad its good" or "I rather have sex with a hippo than watch this piece of crap" film. I unfortunately favor the "so bad it's good" but I can understand your annoyances for this film.

This film would usually get a 3 for being a typical revenge film, but once again I can't because the revenge story is brilliant, it's well directed, well acted, LOTS AND LOTS OF BLOOD SPLASHY MAYHEM, aaaaaaaaaand so forth. This film is massively appealing beyond a hot naked woman’s butt.

Concept: 5 (out of 5) - Typical revenge plot under a 70's modern day attire AND I LOVE IT!!!

Execution: 5 (out of 5) - Great fights with blood. The story was very well told and gave me stimulations.

Fairness: Perhaps I'm being over enthusiastic on giving this film a 5 but personal love comes first, therefore, screw what you say, SUCKAZZZ!!!

Conclusion: Chang Cheh proves once again he's a better director than your precious and over-rated Lar Ka-leung. FACE!!!!! :)

Where the film ultimately fails is in its inconsistent tone, its ridiculously exasperating satire and useless story. The film begins well, I mean "Ha ha , stupid comedy and all that," but where the film completely loses all credibility is the scene when Hsiao Hou and his effeminate friends were serenading Kara Hui's character. God, what an annoying piece of turd this was. These morons couldn't even keep a steady beat when they were banging on their guitars. THIS SUCKED! I wanted to beat the crap out these obnoxious punks into oblivion. The film continues to lose credibility as the cast have their stupid little party where they dress up through their perception as foreigners. Then the police station ensues and afterwards the film picks up again but it's all so too late. This is where in one of those rare moments I would favor what is uncommonly called "The Fascist Severance of Chinese Authenticity". Yes, if they had cut this scene out of the film, maybe, it would have been better and more steady paced. And I know some of you cry over the notion of watching your precious little films being cut and nah nah nah nah nah nah, but I DON’T CARE! I HATE ALL THIS CRAP! UGH! :)

Another thing I hated, and this is my cynicism speaking, was the whole "Daddy-o" routine. I hate anything associated with the 50's (assuming this is in the '50s), other than the music, and I hate any and every lifestyle of the '50s. It's just consummately contrary to me. "Hey daddy-o, where are you at? You're a cool cat." SHUT UP!!

Where the film succeeds is, of course, the kung fu action. However the other thing I loved is Kara Hui. She is my alleviation from this cruel asperity. Watching her perform onscreen kept me from going insane with the '50s attire and stupid comedy. Kara is indeed one of most talented actresses in Chinese cinema. She's adorable, her on-screen martial arts are great, and her acting skills are really good.

This film is truly, sadistically torturous on a whole different level. It is a film I really wanted to like but just couldn't fully assimilate without cutting myself. Understand, I tried my best but failed miserably. The film is by no means abysmal, but it is indeed asphyxiating.

This film sucks. Sure it has some charming moments like Gordon Liu returning from Shaolin to his home town, not realizing he's acquired kung fu skills to deceive himself more than his friends but that's about it. The fighting was terrible in terms of concept. I HATE BENCH-CHAIR KUNG FU!!!!!! And scaffolding concept was horrible. Plus there are only two legit fight sequences which were both at the last 15 or so minutes of the film and, as I say, sucks in conception therefore I don't give a @#$%. The rest of the film is a bunch of Han folks whining about the oppressive Manchurians and Gordon's stupid antics trying to get into and learn Shaolin kung fu.

Concept: 1 (out of 5) - Scaffold my butt together. God!!!

Execution: 2 (out of 5) - Horrible execution in the fight department with scaffolding and bench-chair kung fu retardation.

Fairness: Well, it has humor....

Conclusion: Avoid like the plague unless you actually like the plague!

One thing I am thoroughly happy about is that no longer do I have to deal with the whole "two things go back, one to kill and one to protect John Conner and create a paradox to prevent Judgement Day" bullshit. Yes, the plot has completely changed. It is now about John Conner on a quest to find his father Kyle Reese while plotting something to destroy Skynet. Simple and direct which is fine by me. However there is another plot device pertaining to a hybrid who learns about himself and the deceptions brought upon him by Skynet. I didn't like it as much 'cause it felt a bit incoherent. I think it would of been better if this film was a cyberpunk/sci-fi/epic war film that would lead into the first Terminator. Probably would of been more wise but eh, I'm not a expert of this garbage.

The action is great even though it's CGI which is gay but overall it's nice enough. Plus this film has alot of action to make up for the simplistic story. Acting or whatever I don't have an option about. It works I guess.

Conception: 4 (out of 5) - Simple and direct story but the cyberpunk aspects as well as the machines killing stupid people is great.

Execution: 3 (out of 5) - Not great but not bad either. As typical as a Hollywood film can get.

Fairness: This film is Pg-13 which is f@#$in' horrible. I want graphic death goddamn it. On Blue-ray it's R but ..... oh f@#$ this crap. You figure it out.

Conclusion: Recommended for the Terminator Enthusiasts like myself. It's simple and fun, that all. Oh and McG IS THE GAYEST NAME IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!

This is just another completely over-rated Jackie Chan film as we embark on yet another adventure into the over-enthusiasms and perpetual misguided verbalized inquiries about how a film like this has evolutionalized the kung fu genre. It's just another form of simplicity here, folks. I know how one would qualify Jackie as a phenom in Chinese cinema but this is just plain retarded.

The flaws are specific if not evident. The characterization is utterly abysmal and completely annoying except on the part of Simon Yuen and the Hwang Lee whatever. Everyone else in the film I hated from that fat @#$% prodigal son, Shek Tien, to your hero, not mine, Jackie Chan. God, what a pussy.

Other things to consider are concept and story in which is uninspiring and completely lacking. Jackie cries 'cause Shek and his butt buddy beat him up. He meets an old snake master and they become friends and so on and so forth. Ugh.

The film does have great martial arts action. One thing that upsets me about this is when Yuen Wo-ping has his father doubled. I don't see why the hell it's important for his character to do flips. It's stupid.

Concept: 2 (out of 5) - Can't really say I was enthusiastic.

Execution: 3 (out of 5) - Nothing special is terms of story, the acting was horrid but at least kung fu action serves its purpose for kung fu fans.

Fairness: Kung fu action could make up for this films inadequacies.

Conclusion: I see this film as a complete equivalence to a Lo Wei film. Sorry but I didn't care for it.

1.) No matter what the Japanese do, they should still be considered bad people.

2.) High production value and a bunch of familiar faces do not signify a great film.

Evidently this is the reason why people love this film so much is because every MFin' big-ass actor in China is in this film. Oh let's not forget the martial arts action which I'll mention. Well, thank you for that. I mean it is a really articulate reason for liking this film. LOL!!! God.

First off, high production value and implementing into film big-time actors does not justify greatness. This is exactly why I hate epics because all the pretty shit you see masks the film mediocre aspects; namely the stupid plotline, horrendous pacing and so forth. The story is completely incoherent. The film wastes more of it's time trying to make us laugh with this ridiculous comedy or railing us with unwanted dramatization that completely hinders the film pacing rather than try to tell a descent story. This film ultimately fails at it. Under normal circumstances, I do actually like Sammo Hung's style of comedy like Magnificent Butcher or Prodigal Son but this is just sucks here.

The film does have some great martial arts action and I do use the term "some" literally as this film doesn't have much action at all. They exist in only certain parts of the film.

Concept: 2 (out of 5) - A spaghetti western-like town in China? RETARDED!

Execution: 2 (out of 5) - Some great fights but the tone of the film was too inconsistent.

Fairness: It has alot of recognizable actors but like I said doesn't help the film at all.

Conclusion: Horrible piece of donkey balls. It's annoying and stupid.

WARNING ALERT: I put this at the bottom because it could be considered politically incorrect or fabricated and maybe perhaps falsified but I tend to doubt that. DON'T READ THIS IF YOU OFFEND EASILY!!!!!

[Spoilers] One more thing to point out is the ending. This ending really pisses me off and shows why the philosophical term "those who don't remember the past are doomed to repeat it" is a flawed concept. Yes, the Japanese in this film has obtained a map to Chinese treasure but a far as I can remember, they obtained it legitimately. Now, they even helped out the townsfolk with the bandit problem. But are they thanked for that? No. They are spat upon by the Chinese and the Chinese want more than they bargained for and using the verbal methodical vomit "you own us alot you Japanese bastards" to justify the struggling garbage they keep whining about and look what happens, they get their way. I wish to God that one of those Japanese fellows would of kick Yuen Biao in his @#$%in' balls to shut his patriotic BS up. It is annoying. Guess these racist morons haven't seen or learned something from Heroes of the East or Ninja In the Dragons Den. They are perpetuating the hatred folks, proving themselves to be the dogs of society much like the white power yahoos of this country (USA). "Thoses who remember the past are doomed to be obsessed by it and the hatred will be a continuity). ;)

OVERRATED!!!!!!!!!

So this film evolutionalized kung fu cinema. And what has it given us: Comedy kung fu. Yes. After this film's release, many more comedy kung fu movies would spawn afterwards and perpetuate the astronomical exasperations upon me. Oh baby, how I love this futile logic. And what else has this film given us? Jackie Chan. Although I don't think Jackie has done anything grand until Police Story in which (in my mind) has given him the credibility he earned. All they did to this film, Drunken Master, was implement comedy in which doesn't evolutionalize anything, what-so-ever. It actually made it worst. But that's just me 'cuz I find farting and nagging to be extremely retarded.

The story sucks as it wastes most of it's time with Jackie Chan training sequences, developing his stupid drunken boxing so he beat up some guy who does this thing with his hands. Oooooo another turn in the evolution cycle of kung fu cinema. I'm impressed. :p. It has something to do with appeal 'cuz I liked 36th Chamber of Shaolin in which most of it's time is based on training sequences but the cinematography was outstandingfor that film. This is a wreck and uninspiring.

The fights were at least good and that's it.

Conception: Nothing original here. Oh except the fact that they quote "implemented comedy" unquote into kung fu movies. Jesus, get a life.

Execution: Shitty and unfunny humor only a five year would laugh at. The pacing is a bit weak but the kung fu action was good.

Fairness: N/A 'cuz I'zzz know what I'zzzz talkin' about. Englewood, suckaz.

Conclusion: Jackie Chan enthusiasts love it, but considering I'm not one, I don't give two shits about it. This film is overrated and annoying.

Why this film rules beyond all y'allz mamaz yo is because of the story. The story is so well told with excellent plot twists and revelations that would put that retarded Tiger Woods scandal to shame. I HATE TABLOIDS!! ARGGH! Well, it's not that great but still it's works and gives me no hope to achieve a greater life for myself pertaining to relationships and so forth. Imagine that your father wants you sexually. UGH! How cruel. I won't give away the plot but it is rather neat.

The fights are that of a 60's style sword fighting whatever. Slow and a bit shallow but I love it 'cause I have no good tastes for anything. It's bloody and vengeful and so forth. The weapons used are all swords with a few whips and that about it.

The lead young chick is HOT!!!!!!!!

My other reason for liking this film is that I absolutely love Ho Meng Hua films. I recommend Kiss Of Death and Flying Guillotine.

Recommended to those who like this 60's sword shit.

For the record, I'm trying to be normal. Does anyone want my insanity back? I can't live without it. :(

THIS MOVIE IS THE BOOM-DIGGITY!!!!!!!!!!!! It's my favorite among the Russell/Carpenter duo. I love the monster effects in which inspired my art 'cause I like drawing amorphous things with images of faces or body parts (yes the penis is one of them and don't ask why). It's just freakin' sweet, bizznithes!

Kurt Russell is one of my all time favorite actors EVER!!!!! In reality terms, I don't have gay thoughts about him, but if I were gay, I'd like to stick it to Kurt Russell. He is just so awesome. (Hope this wasn't disturbing.)

The film is paced like a John Carpenter film is paced. Some may think it's slow but I think it's perfect. It's all about building up the tension and that is why Carpenter is the MASTER OF TERROR.

My only complaint is the dog killing scenes. I'm well aware that it's fake and all that (???) but I almost cried hearing those dogs whimper in agony. It just royally @#$%s me up.

Concept: 5 (out of 5) - The creature designs are spectacular and story is coherent and well told.

Execution: 5 (out of 5) - The suspense building aspect is what makes Carpenter films the best.

Fairness: I had 10 orgasms and this isn't even a porno movie. GOD! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!????

Conclusion: Unfortunately I still favor They Live as being the best Carpenter film, but The Thing comes a close @#$%in' second!

My reasons for hating this film are pointed at two things. Firstly; the gore effects. If there is anything I HATE is CGI GORE!!!!!! IT IS STUPID AND GAY! Secondly was that douche bag actor (hope I got his name right) Simon Baker. It is more really about his crappy characterization than anything. I'm pretty sure he is a nice guy off screen (HA!) but my god I wanted to kill his @#$%in' annoying character. "I don't want to hear your story. Everyone has a story. WWAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!! My brother is dead. I don't have my car." God I wish the zombies would have chewed this guys head off.

That's all I want to vent 'cause anything else about the film I don't care about.

Concept: 2 (out of 5) - The story is poorly told and stupid and the characters are flat out annoying.

Execution: 1 (out of 5) - Only a teenaged, zit-faced, lisping, douche bag poser who wants the special effects (special is implied, by the way) could love CGI gore. But at least there is alot of it. Acting sucks and so forth.

Fairness: I praise those who can look past the CGI gore but I simply can't. It's just ruins the experience of a zombie film.

Conclusion: We waited nearly two decades and this is what we get? The inside of a hippo's @$$hole? KILL ME NOW!! :)

The film is typical Chang Cheh bloodshed happiness with a predictable plotline and plentiful bloodshed action. But with a film like this I pay more attention to characterization and I love the character in this film. I love the idea that some gives themselves a name that expresses a high level of infamy like Pestilence. Uh, I get orgasms everytime I witness this crap. I love character names over the commonplace crap. "It's Bill. He's gonna rape us." THAT SUCKS! "It's walrus Testicles. He's gonna slaughter us." PERFECT!!!!!!

[Spoilers] The film does fail in certain aspects if you do nit-pick at every detail of a film. The pacing is a bit slow and a few scenes just drag on tediously like the prolongation of the final scene where we see David Chiang trying to crawl away from the entropy and it's like 8 mintues. Also the pre-meditation scene before the final bout. It kills the pacing and the consistency of the film a little but not by much and could be considered incoherent depending on the viewer. But still this bloodshed at it's finest and I am just estatic when it comes to Chang Cheh bloodshed film.

Concept: 3 1/2 (out of 5) - Nothing you haven't seen before but still the story works well.

Execution: 4 (out of 5) - The fights were great but a few of the scenes drags and it kills the consistent flow.

Fairness: BLOODSHED!!!!!!

Conclusion: I'm gonna have an erection over any Chang Cheh bloodshed film no matter what so take that, SUCKAZZZZZ! :)

This film is about this place where men are the ninnies and the women are the dominant species. The leader of the women is some fat bitch who looks like an elephant. Then these pretty boy fruitcakes go on a quest to killed evil and Donnie Yen and Jackie Chan have a 10 minute fight. OH %@#$ THIS MOVIE!!!!

I can’t believe that there are people on this planet who actually liked this film. I mean it’s beyond incomprehensible. The story is utterly retarded as it tends to go nowhere. I --- urgh -- you know what, I hate you for liking this film. This is just… just…. GOD!!!!!!

Donnie Yen’s wet dreams have “come” true as he fulfills his fantasy of having his big-ass battle with Jackie Chan on screen and would you look at that, it was utterly disappointing. The worst fight scene ever. The fight these guys had in Shanghai Knights was a hell of a lot better that this donkey ass.

The final action scene was retarded. All they do is fly around like douches. I mean……. AARRRRGHHHHH! I HATE THIS MOVIE! YOU CAN’T CONTRADICT MY LOGIC, BEOTCHES! :)

Conception: negative 1000000 (out of 5) – I’m GOING NUTS BABY!

EXECUTION: negative 1000000000000000000000000000 (out of 5) – Like a malpractice circumcision.

Fairness: Really? You want fairness? Kiss my nut!

Conclusion: If not for rational thought, I would have killed a lot of people and this film would be to blame. By far the worst film to ever exist. I rather watch my parents have sex.

It is official: Ho Meng Hua is the Ed Wood of China. My goodness, is this film absurd. The special effects are simply god-awful. At one point, you'll see a close-up of Lo Lieh's head burning, and as the camera moves you'll see the burning effect move as well. The decomposition effects are typical, with the fade-in and fade-out camera trickery as the whole face decays. At least they deviated from the LASER effects which were used in "Black Magic". Overall, however, it is silly.

Another thing to consider is a deception, disguised as a titillation with an ambivalent matrix involved. Lily Li does do a sex scene in this film, BUT it is quite evident that when you see the naked ass and boobs, it is not hers and it PISSES ME OFF! Though the stunt ass for Lily Li is quite perfect, with a compelling complexion, plus it's firm, tight and yes I actually wanted to do things to myself--I even paused the movie to study the firmness of the stunt ass, but the fact that it was not hers was flat-out stupid. But knowing that Lily Li, from my understanding, is somewhat of a religious loony, it's quite obvious that the day I see a naked Lily Li is the day I get a sex change. Hope is a futility and I am perpetually depressed. It's the same with another actress whom I've seen before but am not quite familiar with. She's hot too!

Other things to expect are necrophilia, pubic hair liquids for consumption, black magic zombies, weak-ass yet funny as hell gore, some of the worst edited copulations scenes ever made, and so on.

It's pure exploitation at its finest. If you liked the first "Black Magic" then you will more than likely love this one as I did. Not recommended to serious film lovers.

First off, I hated this film. Not for its wuxia pian swordplay action, but for everything else.

The story has to be the most ridiculous piece of crap to ever exist in the history of Chinese cinema. The film is about a charater who remains Nameless (DUR, I'm SO FUNNY, DUH) who gets to meet the King for killing his most feared enemies. Then it goes on to where Nameless tells the tale of how he killed them. then the story converts when the candle lights flicker towards the King and Nameless is revealed to be an assassin and wants to kill the King. The story completely deviates and now Nameless tells the story TO THE KING of how he decieved him. OH MY GOD! THIS IS PURE RETARDATION!

Oh let us not forget the morality which this film teaches us: to unite a country you must kill those who are not like you, like women, children and calligraphers, and a blade of grass can be used as a weapon. God, if you're gonna use implications, at least make it more relevant.

The characterization was wretched. No one in this film was interesting, just stupid, apathetic, theoretically elusive morons crying about their detestation for the King. God, just tell the girl why you spared the King. IT'S THAT EASY. "OH no, I'm in sorrow and I understand him. I think he's a hot man." DON'T GET ME STARTED.

I didn't care about the cinematography and the flowy art in this film. I'm reluctant to opinionate on it because no matter how much the credulity contradicts, inconclusivity triumphs.

I didn't completely hate this film, only because of the fight scenes (which by the way weren't that great, but nice enough to enjoy), and I can comprehend why people can like a film like this; but this film is overrated and completely a self-indulged non-sensicality. Only recommended to the articulate crowd.

This is an original film, although over two decades later a film called "Willard" came out and subsequently ripped off some of the concepts in terms of the story of killer snakes and changed snakes into rats, but "The Killer Snakes" is a much better film by far. "The Killer Snakes" will cater more to the grindhouse horror lovers of filmlore, but this is indeed an original film. It's maniacal, sick, twisted, perverse and dramatic.

Yes, this film rules with a passion without question. Richard Dawson playing some malevolent game show host was probably the best thing in the history of movie events considering he was a real game show host for Family Feud in which he ruled in because he doesn't hide behind a facade of excepting mongoloid behavior. You can just tell through his facial expressions, he's calling them a bunch of fat, stupid MF'ers. Also he was in my favorite game show ever: The Match Game.

Ah-nold, of course, rules with his witty one-liners, his unintentional humorous dialog and his muscle-bound bad-ass exterior. "Hey, Christmas tree."

The film concept is awsome. I not quite sure about whether it's original or the innovative but indeed epic. The story is one dimensional but who gives a flying *@#$! The action is bloody and violent ...... URRRRGH! THERE IT GOES AGAIN! DAMN IT! I NEED MORE PORNOS SO I CAN BE NORMAL!!!!

Anyways, one of AH-nolds best films ever. :)

I liked this movie for 2 reasons. One is the settings. I like urban graffiti, rundown buildings and so forth that expresses dilapidation and poor urban aspects of cities or towns or neighborhoods. Of course the mountains kinda take us out of the realities of the Bronx but whatever. Gotta suspend you believes and just ENJOY THE MOVIE! GOD! Second is the action. Jackie Chan action, suicide attempts, BLAH BLAH BLAH!

The thorough flaw of this film is signficant but not enough to break my balls. The acting is just god awful. I mean I've seen alot of Chinese actors over-act in Chinese cinema but somehow it feels consistent and commonplace and it don't bother me but implement Chinese style over-acting with white or black actors or whatever, it's f@#$in' annoying as shit. I wish the film ended with a nuclear holocaust.

This other flaw is irrational but evidently most people are aware of it and would most liekly agree: The handicapped brat. OH MY GOD! What an annoying little f@#$ this punk-ass twat was. " Keon, you're number one." "Waaaaah, my cushion." SHUT UP YOU @#%$ER! There is, however, goodness to all this: the gangsters do beat the shit out of this punk and rip his cushion to make him cry. Although I would of liked better if they grabbed him by his legs and threw him into a wall and killed him. That would be epic.

Conception: 3 1/2 (out of 5) - The story was a bit weak but I liked the comic book style urban cinematography. It's a lot like The Warriors.

Execution: 3 1/2 (out of 5) - The action was tight but the acting was stupid.

Fairness: KILL THE KID!

Conclusion: Despite some of the most annoying acting in the history of human events, I liked this film for it's cinematography and action mainly. Anything else I don't care about.

The story is coherent but it was suck ass, lame and, in a more mature tone, unoriginal. I get sick of watching these dumb-ass movies that perpetuate the notion of good and evil. It does not exist. It is always about one point of view against another pertaining to politics, war, or a lust for power. But if you want to continue believing this crap of good and infamy, that's fine by me. Say hi to the Easter Bunny for me as well since I can't see him do to a sane thought process. Suck his Easter eggs too while your at it. Ugh!

Where the film does succeed is in the fight department. The fights were great. I think this is one of Ti Lungs best perfromances (at least for Chang Cheh). He can really swing that ax, guysth. Oooo, look at that, I just blushed. Everything else, Shaw production and yaddi-yadda, is there for your liking or hating, whatever it may be.

Conception: 3 (of 5) - Some intersting characters but everything else is pretty much the same.

Execution: 4 (of 5) - Story is coherent (but still uninteresting and commonplace) and the fights were great.

Fairness: Nothing original.

Overall: Though nothing in this film is original, it's still fun to watch. TOOTLES! :)

I HATE EROTIC! SLOW, TEDIOUS AND GAY! But the only reason why I like this film is that it has some really funny and entertaining stuff. The scene when the scholar grows three heads, rapes and kills a girl had to be the best scene ever in movie cinema. It was funnier than hell. And the beginning of the film, when guys thought they were copulating girls when in fact they were copulating corpses... They should have done more of this kind of stuff and then this film would be golden, but unfortunately this is an erotica film where 30 minutes (or less) into the film for at least 30 minutes is where the film loses all credibility with artfully dull sex scenes involving a lesbian scene and three involving the scholar and all three women.

Also where this film loses credibility is the fact this film is loosely a rip-off of "Witches Of Eastwick". The scenes that are relevent are the fruit eating scene, the voodoo doll scene, and the a demon meeting three girls to copulate.

Overall, I like this film mainly for some of the wicked, cheesy horror scenes and the fact that the girls are hot, but I hate erotica and that is the only reason why I don't care for this one.

For some reason I liked Marked For Death only due to the violence and action, but please tell, why the hell is Seagal an action star? He has no character, and he's fat and stupid. He does try at least to have some personality in this film but overall it's just "Wow, whoopie, Stevie." I have a better time expressing commiseration towards a piece of shit than him.

The story is lame as it should be in a Seagal film. It appears to be fateful for Seagal to be involed in films that have no structure in it's plot device. You are just simply awatining death and mayhem. But this sucked booty.

Recommended if you like Seagal films (yep, all 10 of you suckaz) and if your looking for something stupid.

Considering most people have seen this film, I'll make it brief...

Ah yes, "Hellraiser". No other movie I can think of that could combine sodomy and hell and make it look so creepy, gross, and credulous. This film is far beyond sick.

I liked "Hellraiser" for its sickening ambience, creative characters, twisted gore, and conception. The film did feel a wee bit made-for-TV-ish, but it's not enough to bring it down.

And Hollywood will be remaking this film and it will suck pickles. Goddamn it!