What a malicious, malignant movie this was! My word, someone is on the rag. To think Chow Yun-Fat needs to kill a shitload of animals to cure Maggie's berserker spell. And to think some Worm Tribe priest must kill a bunch of children (and succeeds) to create a stupid-looking monster called Little Ghost. I don't think happy people are going to like this, but eh, screw them.

This is one of Nam Nai Choi's best films ever. I loved it to death. Every corner you turn on this film, there is always something bizarre to see. For example, a Thai girl with the nicest ass in the world cuts a piece of her boob meat to feed it to Yuen Chen's character to hinder the 7th curse effect. Now that's epic. Urgh, not only is it sultry, it's funnier than hell. Plus the monster called Old Ancestor towards the end of the film was great. He looked like the H.R. Giger "Aliens" monster, only with wings and a stupid looking face. Oh I'm getting flustered.

The action is really great and at the same time hilarious. Man oh man, some of the greatest action scenes were watching the Yuen Chen character getting into a no-holds-barred fight with a skeleton which evidently was a puppet on a string. Another was the epic battle with Old Ancestor and Little Ghost. Come on, peoples, you know that was great. Among other things there are plentiful martial arts fights and some gun fights which were surprisingly well choreographed and intense. Even some of the stunts that were pulled off in this film were a bit frightening.

Other things to consider: the film was fast-paced, the story was unbelievably absurd, and the special effects were sometimes cheesy and sometimes good. The only flaw I found with "The Seventh Curse" (aside from everything else, depending on your point of view) is the Worm Tribe priest's voice. Yes, he sounds like a bitch.

Oh god, I loved "The Seventh Curse". Oh baby, I've seen this sucker legitimately 50 times and I can go for another 2,000,200 more times. Though I gave this film a 5-star rating, logically it's a 3 ½ star rating. Its absurdity levels the likes of "Mighty Peking Man" or "Ninja: The Final Duel", but eh, whatever. BEST FILM EVER!!!!!!

BEST NINJA MOVIE EVER!! Oh my goodness. The people who made this glorious epic must have been assimilating too much meth. This film is unbelievable. There is so much to tell.

First off, the action. With the action, you'll see ninjas riding on inflatable spiders. Oh man it was great seeing them paddling around trying to chop some monk's head off. You'll also experience a couple of fight scenes with "The Gypsy Monks From California", Mark and Moore. It's funny watching them utilizing tambourines as weapons to dispose of the foes. But the best fight scene of all time, where all my titillating fantasies come true, is the naked chick fight scene. It was epic seeing a naked chick kicking ass against ninjas while showing graphic depictions of her beaver. Unfortunately it's followed up by, guhuhuh, gross, Alexander Lou's fight scene with the same ninjas in which his underwear is riding up his ass. Damn it, way to kill Mr. Happy. :(

The overall action is really awesome, insane, and funny at the same time. It's plentiful, with lots of blood spitting, blood spurting, and decapitations. Beauteous.

Elevating the hilarity is the costuming, mostly on the part of the ninjas. Their clothes are black with white strips and they look ragged and retarded. Also there are those cat ninjas with poorly colored pattern designs with bright colored hair. But the comedy award goes to the antagonist with the white and red hooded robe with boxer shorts carrying a cane. So stupid it's great.

Now we get to the main event. "Ninja: The Final Duel" contains one of the best characters in kung fu movie lore: "The Famous Black Monk from Harlem." I f!@#in' nearly died from laughter when his presence was made, mainly because it's so out of place, much like everything else in this film. The scene he had with Alexander Lou was one of the best scenes in cinema history, with its uproarious dialog. It starts when the Black Monk cremates some headless woman and Alex sees it and gets all pissed off about it and the dialog ensues from this point.

Alex: "You black son of a bitch. You want to hide the evidence."

Black Monk: "You must be jivin'. Don't blame me. I just passing by and found her dead."

Alex: "You expect me to believe it's all a coincidence."

Black Monk: "Brotha, I'm a holy man. I don't kill."

Alex: "A black man travelling in China. SHAOLIN GHETTO FREAK!" [The Black Monk retardedly gasps at the insult.] "Let's see what you're made of, you holy joke." [Fight ensues.]

Black Monk: [Fight stops.] "Just take it easy, man."

Alex: "GHETTO IN THE SKY! That's where you're headed." [Fight continues.]

Black Monk: [Fight stops.] "Oh me ta fa. Don't force me to fight. I'm a peace-lovin' man." [Fight goes and stops.] "You mean to..." [Black Monk looks at the charred remains of the headless woman.] "But sheas ash, so donat give me this trash."

Alex: "Don't give me that rap."

BEST SCENE EVER!!!!!

Along with an incoherent story, crappy set designs and shitty English dubbing, "Ninja: The Final Duel" is a train wreck beyond recognition. The entertainment value is astronomically, insurmountably gargantuan. It's a brilliant masterpiece of absurd stupidity. Anyone who didn't like this film has no soul and likes to kill babies.

"Ah yeeeea, bitches", this is indeed an epic beyond comprehension. Why "We're Going To Eat You" is so great is because it's a kung fu film that tries something different in terms of conception instead of the usual boring, self-indulged kung fu films which, quite frankly, I'm getting thoroughly sick of. Yes, Tsui Hark the genius has hybridized Italian cannibal horror with kung fu with added suppliments of comedy and pure insanity, and my God it was phenomenal. And yes there is plenty of gore in this film if you're into that sort of thing. There is no other film like this one, at least not before it.

The kung fu action in this film is plentiful and, may I add, very entertaining. The most entertaining fight scenes were any that pertained to the masked men whose job was to capture people and turn them into human stew. It just felt right for me.

The comedy satire won't work for everyone but it did work for me because, considering that "We're Going To Eat You" is sheer lunacy at its finest, I felt the comedy was very consistent with the flow of this film. I should also point out that the giant man dressed as a woman was the funniest thing I have ever seen. I don't know the actor's name, but he is without doubt the most unique Chinese actor I have ever seen. You can see him in other films like "Ninja Wolves", "Fearless Dragon", and the ultimate classic film, "72 Desperate Rebels", where he plays a monk with silver caustic teeth that just growls and chases people around. It's freakin' awesome!

Much like "Five Deadly Venoms", "We're Going To Eat You" screams originality. Pure brilliance of comedy/cannibal/kung fu mayhem, and I pity those who hated it.

I will say this, "Pinocchio" does fall under the few Disney cartoons I liked, along with the classic "Alice in Wonderland". The reason why I loved "Pinocchio" was because it had an excellent story, original premise and is very creative. Sure it is a bit silly, but it is a Disney cartoon. The story is about a wooden boy who goes on excursions with an ignorant mindset who somehow easily gives in to his quizzicalities and learns the aspects of good and evil the hard way. Plus with excellent, well-drawn animation, creative settings and so forth makes this film unique and original.

The only thing I hated about this film was that exasperating MF'ing grasshopper Jimmy The Cricket or whatever. I found him to be stupid and retarded (ca-ca po-po) but I guess he does serve a purpose in this film as Pinocchio's conscience. Yeesh!

"Za" conclusion: Whether you're a 2 year old whiny little puke trying to learn how to wipe your ass or a 40 year old loser who is addicted to meth with 8 kids and an annoying wife who doesn't sleep with you, this film is recommended. A fun and family happy whatever the f@#$.

Also see an episode of "Family Guy" where Jepedo is bent over and tries to make Pinocchio tell a lie so Pinochia nose will grow long and go...... well you know. :(

Considered one of the most controversial slasher films ever made, "Silent Night, Deadly Night" will shock you with its gratuitous content pertaining to desecrating the spirit of Christmas. This film has caused an outcry by whiny, stupid, self-absorbed concerned parents, vituperating the significance of this film's offensive demeanor, manifesting paltry and idle-minded excuses that this film will damage the fragile egg-shell minds of the youth. And you know what? I think it's f!@#in' funny.

"Silent Night" is a brilliant film. Not only is it brilliant with its offensive content but also its perception on processed schizophrenia. The fact that this kid Billy was not taught the realities of life just goes to show that perpetuating idealistic euphoria in the mind of a fractured child will only exacerbate his mindset further into hell, but of course, as always, I'm being psychologically hypothetical.

Although I consider "Silent Night" to be brilliant, honesty must take its course and I've got to say, this film is cheesy and trashy. It is indeed the pinnacle of exploitation cinema with horrible acting, low budget effects and so forth. But this film does have a lot of death with some very sadistic death scenes plus some boobies to make your fat-ass face smile.

There are so many things I loved about "Silent Night, Deadly Night". My personal favorite aspect is watching the look of consternation on the faces of innocent, artifical, Bambi-eyed brats when they see Santa either being shot (twice it has happened and it was funny) or watching him act out in malevolence. It's awesome 'cause I hate children.

Recommended only to people who like offensive, sick, low-budgeted, gratuitous crap. I "lurved" this vile piece of brilliance.

First off, I loved "Master Of The Flying Guillotine" more than "One Armed Boxer", but my god this is by far one of the greatest films ever made. This film has a ton of fights and they were all intense and epic beyond recognition--better than any Bruce Lee movie ever made (except maybe "Enter The Dragon")!

The story is very inconsistent and basically sort of akin to "Chinese Boxer", only it's weirder. But who cares? This film has bad-ass action that far surpasses Sammo Hung and Jackie Chan films combined!

In conclusion: Jimmy Wang Yu once again proves he's better than everyone else, and he is the only man I will make love to (but I don't think that will ever happen 'cause it would be creepy for me).

Hands down one of the best kung fu films ever conceived. This film defines how great martial arts films are crafted, and I'm not talking about just the kung fu action in general. The film for me succeeds in its over-embellished acting--I mean everyone in this film was pissed off. Also the music was completely awesome and mingled in with the film just perfectly. The cinematography was, of course, beautiful. The story was straightforward but still completely over-the-top. And for your consideration, the kung fu choreography is dead-on perfect. Very well performed and beautiful and DEATHLY! :)

Of course, even with a film like this, there are a couple of absurdities, if not counting the over-acting and the vehemence. The background scenery for the first battle--my god, how factitious that was. Geez, talk about fake. It makes an Ed Wood movie seem like a $1,000,000,000 budget movie. Secondly, the final fight--I was laughing so damn hard at the teeth-pulling scene. I mean come on, what hell is up with that? I mean I understand the logic the monks were going at, driving the wolves away, but wouldn't it be more humane to just kill these people?

Lau Kar Leung should have done more movies like this instead of his dumb-ass comical garbage like "Cat Vs. Rat" or "My Young ASS"! This is kung fu filming perfection at its highest. AND NOT OVERRATED! Ba-zing!

I will say this as nicely as I can: THIS IS THE FILM THAT DEFINED KUNG FU FILMS AS WE SEE THEM TODAY! It's all about who got there first and it certainly WASN'T your precious Bruce Lee. No, no, no! It was Jimmy Wang Yu. Granted, I will admit that Bruce Lee was the one who implemented real martial arts in film, but he DID NOT start this. He did not convert Wuxin Pein into Kung Fu and I will fight to the death (literally) to prove that my superior logic overcomes weak and fragile stupidity. IN YOUR FACE! :)

Anyways, now that I'm over my male PMS (if that even exists), "The Chinese Boxer" is awesome. Lots of boxing and internal bleeding with a simple yet fun story. The fights were excellent. And yes, I know how you people want to justify your silly little comments over the idea that Jimmy doesn't know shit about kung fu, that he just swings his arms around like a tool. Plus comparing him to some un-credible director or actor. Well, you are consummately wrong. Jimmy is a brawler. He just beats people to death and I think it wonderful. His screen presence is bad-ass and you will cry knowing how wrong you truly are.

Not Jimmy's best film, but still it kicks ass and I'll say it again: CHINESE BOXER DEFINES ALL KUNG FU FILMS OF TODAY! Now if you'll excuse me, I must assimilate my retard pills!

This is the most consistent, well put together film I have ever assimilated. This film cries out perfection in every conceivable way, except John Connor's puberty voice. That was obnoxious. Everything from the story, concept, acting, action, the awesome music score (loved it in every way)...all of it was tight and dead on. One of my all time favorite scenes pertains to Sarah Connor's dreams of the end of civilization. This scene scares me more than any horror film ever conceived. Why? Because it pertains to reality. The mushroom cloud consuming human beings is in my mind, an inevitable logic.

Unfortunately, I still liked the first "Terminator" better. The reasons are that while "T2" is very tight and consistent, "Terminator" is darker and grittier and cheezier, and that's why I liked it better. BUT "T2" is half a millimeter below "Terminator". So "nah".

Great film. Recommended to anyone, unless you viscerally hate Hollywood films.

I hate Hollywood sex scenes. They are God awful. They don't copulate like normal people do. They tend to sensually rub each other's elbows, lick each other's foreheads, and drool in each other's ear drums. And not only that, it obstructs a film's pacing. But, I guess, and I stress this vehemently, it w-w-was l-l-ogi--ccc-al to put sex in this 'cause how else would John Conner exist? I don't know why they couldn't be instantaneous with this, much like sex in real life. One second and it's over.

Well other than the crappy sex scene, this film is great. Fantastic cheesy sci-fi film starring AH-Nold where he gives out his usual one-liners that are mostly unfunny in a funny way. The action is very well done. The acting is decent. I love the conception 'cause I have a thing for technological terror. Basically machines/technology destroying the flesh to become the next in the evolution cycle. To me it's very theoretical.

This is such an awesome film. It may look a bit silly with the 80's attire and FX, but overall the entertainment value is astronomically perpetuating.

The way the fights are choreographed was brilliant. I mean, a film like this can prove that special effects can work significantly well, primitively, rather than through CGI or any other lazy, factitious garbage that afflicts the thought-process of today's film culture (or at least mine). I loved it all, from the stealth and magic fights to the traditional kung fu. Beauteous.

I loved a lot of the characters in the film mainly based upon how they look. Gordon Liu obviously was the coolest, especially when he had his fight scene with Lau Kar Leung. It's that kind of appeal that turns me onto these kind of films in terms of costuming, character and personality, and not just with kung fu action in general.

The story and concept would be considered ordinary by some, depending on how long you've been exposed to kung fu films. The story is about the Ching Government sending some magician fighters to kill a deserter (Lau Kar Leung), fearing that he might expose the falsities of Chinese magic being utilized against foreign weapons to the Emperor. The story is really quite good.

In conclusion: aside from "8 Diagram Pole Fighter", this is the best film Lau Kar Leung has ever directed. Highest recommendations.

A decade or more later, ignorance continued to pervade my thoughts, always assuming "Robocop" was a film for snot-nosed brats because of all the comics and video games that followed after the film. Then one day I finally decided "screw this, I'll get the DVD. Let's see this prepubescent idiocy." The scene where a suit got blasted by the giant cyber as bloody chunks were flying threw me off. I thought, "what in the hell am I watching here?"

Shocking is not the word to describe this masterpiece of a film. It had such excellent dialogue, great action, great conception and great characterization. I cried like a sissy (preposterous, isn't it?). I can't believe I was deceived by the misrepresentation of "Robocop" due to its silly name and concept. Oh my GOD! Best scene ever was when Robocop stabbed the bald guy in the neck.

All in all this is one of the best 80's films ever!

The film itself is a cheesy exploitation film about some dingleberry called Fuah Ramses (I can never spell his name right) who is under the spell of some Egyptian Goddess of Entropy who is known to throw blood feasts made from human body parts. He goes around killing women and harvests their body parts and grinds them up to make a happy blood feast for some wedding banquet.

The gore effects are obviously silly and ridiculous, but that's what makes this film gratifying. You'll see tongues and hearts and brains being extracted from bodies with severity. Wheeee, what fun!

What I liked most about this film is the conversations (or scripted dialogue). This is what I like in 60's films: just people engaging in discussion. I don't know why. regardless as to whether they are logical, diatribal or mentally deficient, I just like verbalization in these films. It has some kind of interest value to it.

In conclusion: you are consummately wrong and you need to consider suicide if you thought this wasn't the first gore film ever! Don't bother arguing logic with your frivolous idealism, because in the end you are nothing. And yes, I love this film, but only horror, gore, or exploitation fans will like this movie. Happy happy joy joy joy! :)

This is the best Clint Eastwood film ever (except "The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly"). I'm one of those people who would follow the mentality of Dirty Harry's intent upon crime. As I always say, what do you do when you see a rabid dog? You put it to sleep. You know as well as I that if some malignant *%$# is going around killing people without hesitation, it is plausible to kill the bitch and ask questions later; but in todays society, we must cater to serial killers because even though they killed many people for self-gratification purposes, they must be coddled like Gods and their rights must be considered.

Watching Dirty Harry going into action and eradicating the parasites of this society through his own LOGIC of law without resorting to vigilantism brings a smile to my face. YOU BREAK THE LAW, SUFFER THE FATE WHICH YOU BROUGHT UPON YOURSELF AND STOP REWARDING BAD BEHAVIOR!

"Dirty Harry" is somewhat of a contraversial film of its time and could be (but highly unlikely) contemplated as one by today's standards. I love this film to death! DEATH TO SOCIALISM AND CORRUPTION!

Let me just say, this is my all time favorite kung fu film ever, and if you abhorred this film, you have no business in the kung fu genre. Stick with Hollywoods films; that's what you're good at (I apologize for the cynicism, but I'm just speaking through logic).

The characterization is what I loved the most. Each specific character has a unique look and personality with a unique style of kung fu, which brings greatness to this film.

The kung fu action may be no "Fist Of Legend", but still I think it's the most impressive stuff I've ever seen BECAUSE, as I said with charactization, each style represented in this film is unique and I love how these different styles of martial arts are pitted against one another in combat and the fact that some of the styles are artifical (like Yoga style) while others are traditional (like Hung Gar).

Other things to consider are excellent dialog, good acting, and good cinematography. The music is simply the best. I love the Flying Guillotine theme music, which has an industrial sound, while other styles of music sound reminiscent of Italian horror, victory cheer stuff, and happy musical sequences.

In conclusion: best film ever! Better than "Fist Of Legend", "Drunken Master 2", and whatever overhyped piece of garbage you coddle like a blanket! I hate you!!!!! :)

BEST FILM EVER! Yes, I'm deliberately implying that this film is better than "Lord Of The Rings", "Godfather", "Schindler's List", and "Pulp Fiction" combined. I've seen this film a million times and this film never gets old. Crappy dialouge, a simple and braindead story, the fact that one guy can kill an entire army (oh it thrills my thoughts), blood, a great final death scene involving a pipe and steam and great characterization make this film a must-have.

In conclusion, DIE IF YOU HATE THIS FILM! Best action film ever.

The reason why this is one of my all time favorite films is because it portrays what I like in cinema: a film that acts serious but doesn't take itself seriously at the same time--an example being that the film's story is very dramatic but the action is overdone in terms of sarcasm, asininity and over-the-top gore. The fact that someone can punch a hole in someone else's body is downright funny and entertaining. And the fact that some of the FX are evidently facecious give it its prime enjoyment. The gore level in this film is at "Dead Alive's" level. Nam Nai Choi, one of my all time favorite directors, could have been the next Herschell Gordon Lewis or Lucio Fulci, but unfortuantely his film carrer ended with the all so entertaining film THE CAT which was made after RICKY.

Gore film fans will like it, but people who are infatuated with anything relevant towards Hollywood and big budget films will hate it, as well as people who prefer films to be fast-paced, because this film sort of lacks pacing. But then again who cares? BEST FILM EVER!!

Yes, even with horrible acting, a somewhat reutilized concept (it takes place in L.A. this time, duuur), and an asinine story about Snake, who must recover some device that controls power and electricity over the world or whatever, THIS FILM RULES! Snake rules over your mom.

The other thing worth mentioning is that (in the words of George Takei, "believe it or not") this film to me is the most logical perception of the future of America. With the thought parasites or what you would call conformists controlling our very lives, little by little in the old U.S.A., this to me is becoming our future. No smoking, no meat, no sex, no everything. Remember, anarchy and entropy is never too late, and the politicians and thought parasites will get their just desserts

Yes, this film gets a lot of visceral reaction from the pathetic nature of humanity, but they wouldn't know shit if it came out their asses. Indeed, another Carpenter/Russell classic.

The premise of the film is much better as well, as it's a revenge flick throughout. Meiko is on a quest to avenge the death of her father and so forth. She meets the goofball Sonny Chiba (MY HERO!!!!!!) and some other losers to help on her quest. The theme of this movie is gambling, so expect lots of that as well. The satire is exceptionally well done--not to everyone's tastes but it isn't annoying either.

I'm going out on a limb and recommending this one 'cause it's simple, fun entertainment. However, since I felt the premise was much better, the violence is better, and there's more of it, and I want Meiko NOW even if she's an old crusty 800 million year old chick (and while I'm at it, I'll hump King Tut as well!!!!!), I liked this film.

Indeed one of the best Venoms films ever for the reasons that this film excels in conception, characterization, and story, with excellent intricate kung fu weapons action. This is why the Venoms films are the best, because they are imaginary and don't have the usual garbage in kung fu films--lion dances, yeeesh!

The best thing about "Flag Of Iron" is the characterization. I loved the 10 assassins in the film, from the guy who shoots abacus beads and utilizes the remains as a deformed nunchaku, to the fat butcher, along with the four killers who use metal connectors and mini scythes. The best was the Eagle Clan. They are like kung fu Indians with feathers in their heads wearing leopard attire.

The kung fu action of course is phenomenal--as I said, utilizing intricate weapons, but the main theme is the flag spears. This stuff has been done before this film but I think this film pulled it off the best.

Some people may find the pacing of the film a bit slow and perhaps feel that this film doesn't have enough action to make up for lost time, but it depends on your attention span. But then again who cares about you? :)

Along with excellent cinematography and blah blah blah, "Flag Of Iron" ranks at #5 for best Venoms film ever for me. Highly recommended unless you are devoid of good taste in film. Tee hee.

This is by no means a put down towards the gay community (and I'm amazed that this wasn't brought up), but what the hell was up with the towel scene?! The scene begins with these guys walking towards the spa room with their arms wrapped around each other, wearing only their towels around their waists. At one point as they were walking, Chiang Sheng grabs Kuo Chue's ass. As they were about to enter the spa room, they get freaked out because there's (naked) women inside the tub (nudity not seen so it's hypothetical). The servants tell them they are there to serve them and Kuo Chue precariously replies, "We'll do it ourselves". As the women leave in their towels (and MY GOD were they hot, WHAT WERE THEY THINKING!?), they gleefully disrobe, jump into the hot tub, and play splishy-splashy with each other. Something tells me I just experienced my first gay male soft-core porn. They should have called this movie "Hot And Sweaty Kung Fu Ruffians". One would wonder if when these guys are fighting, they are insinuating copulation. Ooooo, freaky!

Another scene which I found a bit out-of-place was when Kuo and Chiang dressed up as apparitions to scare this little twerp into confessing Lu Feng's deception pertaining to where Kuo was thought to be an asshole after he accidently killed Lo Meng with his stick which unbeknownst to him was loaded with dynamite. This scene takes you right out of the movie completely because it doesn't make any sense. Sure it may be funny but completely kills the consistency of the film. They should have tortured the twerp by cutting off his dingaling or something.

Other than these two dreadfully painful scenes, this is a great Venoms film with an excellent story, great cast of characters, and plentiful kung fu action. I love Lo Meng's angry expression as always, Lu Feng is the definitive villain as he always is, and the rest are spectacular. "Magnificent Ruffians" is highly recommended if you can get past the freakishly disturbing towel scene. UGH!

A nihilistic film about a 2 1/2 foot tall Filipino who practically kills everyone while macking hot-ass chicks. That is all you need to know 'cause--well, I couldn't quite follow the story.

I took it upon myself to trust the words of a couple of weirdoes on this site who were obliviously exuberant over this film (their names shall remain anonymous). After 87 minutes of watching a midget killing everyone, all I've got to say is: FILM OF THE MILLENNIUM! EPIC! ADRENALINE FUEL-PUMPING WHATEVER!!!!! ARRGGH!

Ever since I was around eight years old, one of my dire complacencies was to see a midget kill people. Weng Weng is one malicious, bad-ass MF; a consummate masochist and a (bow-chica-wow-wow) lover. Never have I seen a film that made me laugh vehemently (I've suffered a colic). It was just so great watching a 2 1/2 foot Weng Weng beating the living hell out of all these tall-ass punks plus blowing them away with machine guns and chopping them up into sushi with a blade, treating these punks like bitches. It was golden. Watching him pimp the ladies was also uproarious. Weng Weng's head is so small, when he kisses these women it likes a man putting his head in a lion's mouth. Also you'll see him getting jiggy wit' it as he's disco dancing with the ladies. It's sooooo adorable (not in a homo-erotic fashion, of course). A full on nude sex scene with Weng Weng would have consummated this film's entertainment value but it's non-existent.

Now it is quite obvious that this is an homage to James Bond films. I mean look at the title: "For Your Height Only". Switch "Height" with "Eyes" and you'll have "For Your Eyes Only" with is in truth a Bond film. Of course other things to consider in terms of comparison are the music, the complex gadgets, infatuations with women, and so forth. But, technically, calling this movie an homage or perhaps a parody of James Bonds is a bit of an insult, because this film is indeed unique in its own right. How many films do you know that feature a little person killing people? I can't think of one film pertaining to this concept.

There are flaws to consider if you are one of those nit-picky film assimilators who develops some kind of encephalitis whenever something terrible is festering with your (so-called) intellect. Yes this film is an absurdity and what is to expect is a very incoherent (if not nonsensical) story and crappy direction. It's hard to get a clear perception of where the movie and its story is going because I couldn't tell when a scene ends and when the next one begins. This occurrence happens frequently. Of course there are other absurdities which are commonplace in films of this nature, like bad acting and retarded effects. The only thing I didn't like about the film is that action was hardly bloody if not bloody at all. A lot of people die in this film for sure and there is a lot of action, but it needed blood effects. That would have escalated this film's entertainment value perfectly. But this flaw is still insignificant and doesn't depress me in anyway possible 'cause who cares.

In conclusion: Weng Weng can beat the shit out of James Bond any day. This film is a masterpiece of brutal and constant carnage and exploitation. Not recommended to serious film lovers (and I feel sorry for you).

Note: quite possibly my longest review ever written (the secret is I actually tried to make it good). 'GASP'

Let's get the obvious out of the way and just say the film had excellent martial arts action. I like the fact that we get to see different forms of martial arts, from Japanese style to Chinese style. The ninja stuff was a wee bit absurd, but it had to be put in somewhere and I loved it regardless. The story is actually quite good also, even with the comedy.

The best thing about this film is that they used actual Japanese martial arts actors. I sometimes get agitated when I see films like "Memoirs Of A Geisha", where they used Chinese actresses to play Japanese roles. It ruins the ethnicity of the film and, simply put, it's ignorant and bigoted. I'm glad to see a bit of unity in this film between the Japanese and Chinese because, as you are aware, there was a high level of hatred between these two countries. Not quite sure how it is now.

[SPOILERS] Also I loved how the film ended. Yes, I actually smiled and got all stimulated at the end seeing that Kendo master all happy when Gordon Liu's character accepted the sword when before he didn't because of his ignorance towards samurai ethics. I usually favor hatred and death, but because of the nature of this film, it is what I hoped for and that is a happy ending. [END SPOILERS]

One of the best Shaw films ever made, if not one of the best martial arts films ever made. For those who think this film is overrated, suck the sweat off my blubber! (Couldn't resist.)

Entertaining as hell, but there are two flaws to this film. One of the flaws completely kills the consistency of this film's pacing, and that is the wretched, stupid sex scene between Jubei and the princess. God awful! I have seen better sensual sex scenes in a Disney movie! This was bad... (I go on a 2 minute rant where my words are incoherent and I'm spewing nothing but nonsensical perverse garbage even Satan wouldn't post until...) It is what I call face sex, where all you see in copulative simulations is their ugly faces. Why can't these dumb-asses screw like the couple in "Super Ninja"? Now that's a sex scene. Noooooo, we must be titillated by their love and passion. No reason to see naked woman or a giant...well you get the idea!

Second flaw is the crappy, uneuphoneous music. The first time I saw this film, it was English-dubbed. At first I thought the stupid English vocalized music was implemented in this film as a means to decimate the ethnics of Japanese cinema by uncreative, fat, and stupid morons. But then I got the authentic release and behold, it was in the film all this time. The music flat-out sucks, and the man who wrote it should be strangled for his lack of musical genuineness. There are moments of musical decency, but all around it's akin to flatulence.

Despite this crap, this film was great, but it is indeed an absurd film mostly pertaining towards special effects, over acting, and story. This film is perceived to be similar to "Conan The Barbarian", but I'd say it's more like "Conan The Destroyer". The special effects are cheesy and weird. The acting is artificial and completely bad. The princess in some points of the film looks immensely constipated. The story is completely retarded--I mean come on, these people must unite their balls to obtain a bow and arrow! Are you insane or just inane? God, I could go all day on the absurdities this film contains, but I don't feel like it. But at least you'll be satisfied with some excellent samurai fights. And that's about it.

I loved this film! A completely asinine masterpiece filled with crap that will make you laugh! Not recommended to serious film lovers.