Yeah yeah yeah, it's the whole shaky cam style of film making yet again, but only in a few instances does that detract from the proceedings. For 95% of the film it absolutely adds to the ambiance and helps to draw you in to the immediacy of the horrors that befall those involved. The storyline is taught and dramatic (it takes only 10 minutes of set up before they're off on their ill-fated call) and the acting is surprisingly fluid. The action takes place at a believable pace, and the camera work is effective. We see just enough gore to shock us, yet it's not overblown to the point of hilarity, as it could have easily fallen prey to.

The "creatures", for want of a better term, are both startling and shocking. One in particular towards the end of the film (you'll know it when you see it) pretty much scared the pants off of me. Literally, I felt every hair on my body trying to leave me just at the sight of it.

the thing I absolutely loved about this film is that while it supplied plenty of shocks and startles which seems to be the standard of horror these days (much to my chagrin), the creep factor was in full force. Maybe I'm too old school, but nothing scares me to my core more than a good case of the creeps. Shocks are well and good, but leave no lasting impression. This film had both in spades, working exceedingly effectively off of each other culminating in a horrific experience the likes of which nightmares can only ever hope to achieve.

Could well earn my vote for favorite straight up horror movie I've seen this year.

It's a tale as old as the hills... Lady cop in some not-too-distant future, slightly off kilter Tokyo on a mission to avenge the death of her father. The gore starts pretty much right away and only lets up during the somewhat boring and drawn out segments which try to convey to us, the viewers, that this lady is deeply troubled. Well, duh.

It seems like it wants to be a biting social commentary what with the random commercials thrown in hawking things like designer wrist slicers and such. Really, to me anyway, it's just a gross out good time. A goofy spatterfest of a thrill ride. This seems like the kind of film that the folks at the Troma studios have been wanting to make for decades but never found the focus, or dare I say talent to pull off.

Earns bonus points for the weird quadruple amputee thing in a cyberpunk gas mask that eventually uses some of the coolest prosthetic limbs ever.

Overall? Not great, but it was fun. I hate comparing movies, but Machine Girl was way better.

This is going to drop my average rating score like a stone, but I can't let this one sit here without a review any longer.

MAN! The urge to compare really freaking bad horror movies of late to HATCHET is just overwhelming, but this one takes the cake.

Toolbox McDouche Supreme and his only slightly less annoyingly stereotypical compatriots find themselves lost in the middle of Mexico somewhere while scouting locations for their own little amateur porn shoot. As soon as their camera starts to roll, the girl without the horrific boob job runs six or seven hundred yards into a field to vomit and finds herself face to face with a diabolical dolly shot. Then the perpetually stoned surfer-tard gets attacked by a hand. It’s all just build up for the big reveal of the diabolical "El Masko" or some crap, and honestly, I laughed out loud.

The sad thing is that at least one of the performances (Jeremy Radin as "the fat guy who knows a lot about the subject at hand for no apparent reason") I thought was actually really good, and the woman (Margaret Scarborough) with the tragic breast enhancement that I referred to earlier? I’ve actually seen her in something else and thought she was the lone shining aspect of that film. (I feel as though I should point out here that my feelings towards breast enhancement are violently negative, and my attacking of the procedure is the stuff of legend. The "tragedy" of Ms. Scarborough’s enhancement lies not in her, but the procedure itself and the fact that perfectly lovely women like her find it necessary to mutilate their bodies in an attempt to gain popularity. I find it a sad commentary on our society. But more on that some other time.)

The plot holes in this pile of feces were so freaking huge it was all I could do to actually sit through the whole flick, but I’ve only ever walked out of one movie in my whole life, and feel that unless someone invests the time in seeing the whole picture, they have no right to say whether or not it’s worth seeing. Sometimes a film can pull itself together in the third act. Well, the third act in this one involves the sole female survivor, who was previously rather ham-fistedly referred to as a "contortionist", sitting underneath a table while hiding from "Maskadorkchop". But is she coiled up in a tight ball in a effort to be as out of sight as possible? Hells no! She’s, get this, slouching backwards, pulling her legs apart as far as she can in an effort to gog-knows-what (I’m thinking it’s to show the world her pancreas), with her skimpy little cut offs stopping just short of revealing to us whether or not she’s from Brazil, if you know what I mean. Oh, and of course she’s pointing her junk right at the camera. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the moment that the unthinkable happened...

I finally found a horror movie that was more lame, more annoying, and more frustratingly awful in execution than the abortion called "Hatchet". But I still have to give Hatchet lower honors because "Wrestlemaniac" never once claimed to be the savior of American horror.

She goes on to lose what little shorts she was wearing by getting them caught on a van somehow. Not in the door or on a loose bolt or something, oh no. She slides out of the driver’s seat and they get caught on... who knows? So she shimmies her butt a little and Hulk’s her way right out of her denim restraint. And honestly, I don’t think they could have put in any more shots of this girls ass for no reason than they did. If they had, that’s all of her you would have ever seen. Seriously, every other shot of her is of her stupid butt. Apparently as viewers we’re supposed to be thankful for this. Correct me if I’m wrong, but there are women out there who watch horror films too, right? You would never know it by watching this film or its retarded cousin (yeah, I’m talking about "Hatchet" again).

I really, really wanted to like this movie. Really, I did. But I simply cannot condone this kind of lackluster, unimaginative movie making. It’s films like these that give those who don’t appreciate the horror genre the ammunition they need to tear our beloved art form apart. Self-styled "auteurs" such as this sewage’s Jesse Baget and "Hatchet"s Adam Green owe it to the world of cinematic horror to either cease and desist what they are doing immediately, or really take a long and hard look at what they’re crapping out and ask themselves if it truly stands up to the films they are trying to emulate. I can totally appreciate the whole "labor of love" aspect of making your own films your own way and seeing something you created on your own come to life, but crap is crap and nothing can change that. FTG!

Okay, at its core it's a gore-soaked, high octane thrill ride.

The comic-booky action was a total blast, and the gore was top-notch and surprisingly creative. If you're looking for realism, however, we'd suggest you look somewhere other than a film about a pretty young woman with a machine gun for an arm out for bloody vengeance any way she can get it.

The characters, for the most part, are an absolute parody of themselves; but that plays perfectly well with the theme of the film as a whole. Sure, this is a revenge flick, but it's played with enough humor and over-the-top gory action that it all makes sense in and of itself. It never takes itself too seriously (if at all), yet never seems to intentionally relegate itself to pure schlockiness either. If you're looking to turn your brain completely off and just go with a film deep into its own weird world of gory, action-filled absurdity, then this is the flick for you.

But the best part is even though the visual spectacle of it all would be enough to carry this film, there is an actual storyline involved here that is not only believable (in its own reality) but draws you in to the film's world. Of course you can also just shut your brain off and go along on a chaotic ride of vengeance. Either, way you will be greatly rewarded.

If more films were like this, fewer films would suck.

This film was so much fun I nearly crapped myself. I figured I was in for an out of control thrill ride all the way through, but to my delight there was an actual storyline. You can read all about it in the product description if you're so inclined. I'm just here to let y'all know that this little flick gets my full support.

The comic-booky action was a total blast, and the gore was over-the-top-notch and surprisingly creative. If you're looking for realism however, I'd suggest you look somewhere else besides a film about a pretty young woman with a machine gun for an arm out for bloody vengeance any way she can get it. If you're looking to turn your brain completely off and just go with a film deep into its own weird world of gory, action-filled absurdity, then this is the flick for you. It never takes itself too seriously (if at all), yet never seems to intentionally relegate itself to pure schlockiness either. Plus, is it just me or is the sight of a blood-drenched woman kicking some serious ass just a thing of total beauty or what?

If more films were like this, fewer films would suck.

Cloverfield is not only the best monster movie I've seen since I was a kid, it's damn near the best movie I've seen in recent years, period. Sure there were some plot holes you could fly a blimp through, but if you're willing to calm your ego enough to not try to out-think a monster movie and simply let the film do what it wants to do and just go along for the ride, then I'd be willing to wager that you, like me, will have a whale of a time with this beast. Considering this is a first-person-recorder kind of flick, the imagery is simply freaking amazing. There was not a single scene where I said to myself, "that looks hell-of fake," or anything even remotely close to it. Given the shakiness of the camera work, it is a downright miracle that the CG effects blended so seamlessly with the live action.

But as I am always the first to say, special effects do not a good movie make. What makes a good movie is story and acting, and this thing had both in spades. For the most part, when these people were supposed to look confused or frightened or panicked, I totally bought into it. Totally. Even the characters I was hoping would meet an untimely demise wound up gaining my sympathies based solely on the idea that these people are going through something so much bigger than themselves (probably for the first time in their lives, 9/11 notwithstanding).

My single complaint is the love story aspect. They always have to throw one into these things and it is almost always a distraction. This is my thing though, and even in this instance I was willing to let it happen in the name of the greater picture. It's kind of like how they always have the dog survive against impossible odds in the natural disaster flicks. Not that I want the dog to bite it, but it just plays on the sympathies of the easily manipulated to the point of ridiculousness. But I digress...

Cloverfield rocks balls. If I had my way, the sequel would be a major motion picture-styled adaptation of the first film as though it really WERE found footage and they decided to make a movie based on it. Of course now that I've put that up here for y'all to read, Jerry Bruckheimer is gonna run with it and I'll get no credit whatsoever. But you'll know and I'll know that it was my idea and we can sleep comfortably in that knowledge.

What the hell was I talking about?

The color palettes used throughout were outstanding in bringing forth a sense of not only isolation but despair. The sound design in particular really struck me as being invsasive, but for the first time I can recall, in all the right ways.

Overall, INSIDE harkens back to the glory days of the Italian giallo films of Mario Bava and in particular Dario Argento, and I for one am excited that the new wave has finally made it to shore.

I don't have a problem with the overt homosexual overtones of the relationship of the men, and I certainly don't have a problem with the gore. My problems are with how these themes are supposed to be interpreted by us, the viewers. My first main problem is that the homosexuality of the men is treated and presented as shocking in and of itself. While I see that the homo-eroticism is a step in attaining their ultimate goal of "becoming one," while watching these scenes I felt more like I was supposed to be shocked by this, almost moreso than by the fact that one dude is about to eat the other. My second main problem is that the film as a whole seems to revel more in its own depravity than actually try to elicit any sort of emotional response out of its audience other than repulsion. The scenes of gore linger far past the point of shock value and go careening off into the realm of boredom. If they're trying to shock me, they've failed. Granted, my tolerance for gore and all things shocking may be somewhat higher than most people's, but I'd be willing to bet that even those with slightly lower constitutions for such things found themselves numbed to the grotesqueries that flashed on their screens while viewing this film.

I had some pretty high expectations going into this film. I've often said that it's just not entertainment unless someone's getting eaten. I guess that doesn't mean that just because someone's getting eaten it immediately qualifies as entertainment.

If you're trying to shock your audience, make sure you're not boring them in the process.