Everything I said then about Jaa rings even more true NOW with his latest release of Ong Bak 2. This is his directorial debut and you can see such a difference with his last films and this one. Specifically, the other films had an observant, tripod, watch-the-stunts-on-film feel to it. Much like all of Jackie Chan's films. In Ong Bak 2, Jaa shows style, visuals, flashbacks, themes, he shows it all. Everything you see on the screen has a purpose.

The story has a similar theme, young boy trained in the martial arts. But this film adds a Soap opera feel to it, keeping you involved in the story as it is revealed to you parts at a time. And involves the history and motivations of not just the main actor, but the supporting actors and villains as well. And it doesn't drag.

There is no one who can touch Jaa. The actions is SPECTACULAR! Of 90 minutes. There is 30 minutes story, 60 minutes action. He shows the martial arts on film in a way not seen since Chang Cheh and Shaw Brothers film of the 70s. There is even a 11-second one take fight scene. Over 10 different weapons, 8 different styles you can see he poured his heart into this one. Grouping a few scenes together, I'd even say it is borderline X-Rated violence. Definitely R.

If there were any debates that Jet or Jackie was the next Bruce Lee. Then you gotta give Jaa his props. He pays an homage to Jackie Chan's drunken master and crushes Chan's performance. One scene that impressed me was his Kung Fu Fist and Muy Thai fist vs 2 opponents. He switches styles back and forth throughout the fight.

Other elements, the music score is really fitting. Head banging right along with the action. Even the Koon dance, that I thought would be a drag, they scored it just right and was great to see. Cinematography, thankfully, the camera pulls back and doesn't chop up the acting or the fighting.

Proper martial art film - it's the hard, raw, kick ass ma film we have been waiting for since the days of Bruce Lee. - Kioko, cityonfire.com

One day, a lone gunslinger, who is also in search of the treasure, rides in the gang-infested town. His solid skills and quick reflexes are immediately challenged by both gangs. Impressed by his skills, the two gangs have a bidding war to recruit the stranger, with each leader promising him a larger share (or better deal) if the treasure is found...

Ennio Morricone took a big ass bite out of Akira Kurosawa's Yojimbo and made one of the most influential Italian western films ever. Now, Takashi Miike - one of Japan's most loved cult directors - takes that bite back, chews it up, gargles it down, then spits it out on an odd shaped canvas. The result: a fun-filled flick full of violence, humor and wackiness (not to mention weirdness!).

Sukiyaki Western Django is filled with nods to some of the most popular Italian Western flicks we've come to know and love. It even goes as far as having direct references to characters like Django and Yojimbo, as if they existed in the same parallel universe.

Essentially, Sukiyaki Western Django is to Italian Westerns what Quentin Tarantino's Kill Bill Vol. 1 was to Exploitation/Asian films. Both share the same execution... you know, a filmmaker's love for film, making a film for the fun of it, never taking it too serious, yet still packing that creative punch that will eventually make it a cult classic in its own right. And speaking of Quentin Tarantino, he does have a cameo in this film (and he does way better behind the camera).

With all the wisecracks, painted sets, neat perspective shots and quick animated sequences ("The Bloody Benton"), you still get some of Miike's trademark vulgar violence... don't ever expect this guy to pull a punch. I won't ruin any particular scene for you, but there's a moment where one of the "red" gang members says "My color looks good on you" after a traumatic killing. Classic.

The action scenes themselves are entertaining! And I say that again... they're entertaining! Let's just say that the scenes are well choreographed and there's hardly a dull second. Not all the action is gunslinging. There still enough slicing, dicing, explosions and beatings to go around for those who prefer something than just "John Woo" shit.

Sukiyaki Western Django is filmed entirely in English, but keep that subtitle button handy (unless you own the Malaysian DVD), because you can barely understand the cast members. The first time I watched it, I only understood 40% of what they were saying; the second time I watched it, the bad English grew on me, and I understood nearly everything. Go figure. And yes, subtitles weren't an option because I do have the Malaysian version. But in the end, with or without English subs, the movie is still an easy watch.

Sukiyaki Western Django is a great film. If you're a fan of both Asian and Italian Westerns, it's a must. As for the people who thought this film was crap (and I was surprised at how many people didn't like it), they were just taking it way too serious. It's not a remake, it's not a wannabe, it's not a rip-off, it's just a great director having fun while making a cool fucking movie.

Each encounter becomes a new lesson for Elizabeth. Not only is she influenced by who she meets, she also becomes a new person in the process.

My Blueberry Nights is notable for being Wong Kar Wai's first U.S. feature. As many know, WKW is one of Hong Kong's most respected art house filmmakers. Films like Chungking Express, In The Mood Mood For Love and Happy Together have brought him worldwide recognition and he is considered one of the best directors of our time...

So how's his first Hollywood outing?

Well, it ain't no Chungking Express. That's a given. It's definitely not In The Mood For Love. It's not even half of Fallen Angels.

The main problem with My Blueberry Nights is that it comes off more like a WKW-wannabe movie. You get the feeling - with each frame, with most of the characters and settings - that it was modeled after Chungking Express, his most loved and well known film in America. The guy is not dumb. If you're gonna emulate the essence of one of your films, why not go for the gold. The only problem is we all remember Chungking Express so vividly that it's easy to see he's applying the same ingredients to a weaker structure.

And all this philosophical object bullshit is just that... bullshit. Again, it worked with Chunking Express (stuffed animals, pineapple, rags, etc); but the whole key thing (you obviously won't know what I'm talking about until you see it) is so artificial and forced that it becomes what Bruce Li is to Bruce Lee: an imitation. And the whole film feels this way.

Most, if not all, of the performances are okay, but the majority of the characters are uninteresting and boring. The only one you can really feel for is David Strathairn's role. With very little said, you seem to know the whole guy's deal. The others just come and go...

I don't mean to sound blunt, but WKW should stick to Chinese films and import the shit to us like he usually does. He comes up with great stuff that way... but more importantly, stop making a Bruce Li out of yourself.

You'll probably like it a lot more if you're not familiar with WKW's past work.

Akira Kurosawa is what I refer to as a "sacred cow" director (others include Ingmar Bergman and Wong Kar Wai). To suggest that any of his films is anything less than perfect in every way is to be labeled a blasphemer by all sorts of people. People generally being untrustworthy and despicable creatures, this is of no consequence to one such as myself, and it is without apology that I consider this film to be........well, actually it's very good, but still overrated.

This three and a half hour tale of desperate farmers recruiting wandering samurai warriors to protect them from (a.k.a. "annihilate") a band of forty marauding bandits has a scope and sense of heart and soul that few modern films can hope to match in spite of (or perhaps because of) its fairly straightforward storyline. Though its length is staggering, it does not suffer from excessive pacing problems or any significant amount of sheer monotony. Still, it definitely FEELS like three and a half hours. The film is interesting enough to draw you in and make you feel like a part of the world in which it takes place (you may even believe that life really was black & white back then), but you may get a bit more anxious to leave than it would like you to as the conclusion inches ever closer.

Our dauntless heroes: Kambei, the wizened tactician (Takashi Shimura); Shichijori, his old right hand man (Daisuke Kato); Heihachi, the jesting vagabond (Minoru Chiaki); Kyuzo, the consummate swordsman (Seiji Miyaguchi); Gorobei, the impulsive well-wisher (Yoshio Inaba); Katsushiro, the idealistic youngster (Isao Kimura); and Kikuchiyo, the temperamental wild card (scene-stealing Toshiro Mifune). Their nefarious adversaries: ......uh......um.....a bunch of.....well....a bunch of, um, bad guys.

The best antagonists are always the ones with names, faces, and memorable lines and deeds. The bandits in The Seven Samurai have none of these things...well, OK, I guess they have faces on their skulls, but there's still nothing distinct about them (the bandits, not the faces). Rather than existing as a collection of individual characters, the bandits are a collective plot device. Aside from the film's very first scene, there are no segments that present their perspective or illustrate their reactions to the heroes' attempts to thwart them (except when the two factions are face to face). Of course, this is not a generic good guys vs. bad guys story, and, considering the length of the film, an argument could be made against more spotlight for the villains as this would only make the movie longer to the point of insufferability. But, considering how much time is spent recruiting the samurai and then getting them to the soon-to-be-besieged village, I think the film would have been better off if Kurosawa had cut back on the philosophy-laden dialogue and presented the additional point of view. On the other hand, philosophy-laden dialogue IS one of the things that makes a Kurosawa film a Kurosawa film. There's no easy answer. I'll just shut up about this whole issue.

Another related problem is character exposition for the samurai. For the most part, these guys aren't exactly bursting with personality. Kambei probably has the most screen time, Kikuchiyo is obviously Kurosawa's favorite, and Katsushiro is involved in one subplot too many. Gorobei, Heihachi, and Shichijori get somewhat shafted in the spotlight department while Kyuzo hovers between the two degrees of exhibition. This is not to say, however, that our septet of brave warriors don't have good chemistry together. They do. Kurosawa assembled a cast that seems to have a great sense of camaraderie, and that translates well to the screen.

The second half of the film is more involving than the first and is where the majority of the action takes place. By "action" I mean stuff happening, not just fighting, although there is a small amount of that, all of it brief and about as "un-flashy" as can be, for which it is all the more realistic. These scenes are largely devoid of the sound effects typically associated with scenes of swordplay.

Speaking of sound, the Criterion DVD only has a monaural track, which sounds like it's coming from inside a sealed cardboard box. Similarly, the picture is less than pristine and only comes full-frame. Perhaps these issues cannot be helped due to the age of the film, but there is precious little excuse for subtitle snafus like "Because somebody" instead of "Become somebody." I understand a restored version with new text is on the way.

If you have yet to see The Seven Samurai, don't watch the trailer first as it reveals things it shouldn't (and also promises "A FLAMING LOVE IN THE SHADOW OF DEATH!" Um...yeah). I stand by my belief that this film is not God's gift to cinema, but nevertheless it fully deserves much of the praise that has been heaped upon it and didn't spark a transcultural remake (The Magnificent Seven) by accident. It is a standard bearer, if nothing else. So be it.

TEN THINGS I WOULD ALMOST RATHER DO THAN WATCH "KILLER METEORS"

1. Parade through Harlem with a Nazi flag
2. Watch a porno movie with Roseann performing sordid sexual acts upon a helpless killer whale
3. Trade places with the guy who gets trapped in the room with the poison gas in the beginning of "THE ROCK"
4. Be buried chin-deep in bloody stool and then go for a swim in shark-infested waters
5. Implant my consciousness into the body of a hamster being presented to Richard Gere
6. Hire a blind acupuncture therapist to neutralize a pain in my scrotum
7. Sodomize a llama
8. Undergo two decades of martial arts training and then leave my career in the hands of Robert Clouse
9. Watch "FANTASY MISSION FARCE"
10. Get anally raped by Jimmy Wang Yu

P.S. Sodomy is funny (^_^)

The late Lo Lieh (who also co-wrote) plays Chao Chi-Hao, a martial artist of moderate but far from outstanding skill. He goes to hone his skills with a renowned instructor and hopes to compete in a prestigious tournament. Unfortunately there's this real asshole in town who uses hired thugs, Japanese swordsmen, and his eye-poking shithead of a son to make life difficult for any potential competition for his school in the tournament. Also, one of Chi-Hao's fellow students gets insanely jealous when Chi-Hao learns their master's secret iron fist technique and becomes the object of a female minstrel's affections. Ergo, Chi-Hao must overcome all sorts of difficulties to realize his full potential, win the tournament, and save the day all without making too much of a jackass of himself. After a handful of short, mostly one-sided fights, tournament day arrives and numerous asses are kicked.

The version I watched was the EPI DVD...dubbed only (as with many, MANY old school martial arts movies), but a far better presentation than the muddy pan and scan backwash flooding the shelves. A pretty decent treatment for a pretty decent film.

Footnote: Fu Sheng, better known to most as Alexander Fu Sheng, was killed in an auto accident while filming "Eight Diagram Pole Fighter". Prior to his death, he had just moved into the Hong Kong home of Bruce Lee, which was said to be cursed. Strange...

Sze-To (Louis Koo) is a former Judo champ has-been that operates an un-stable night club. He drinks, steals money from gangsters, gambles the money, loses it all, then drinks again...

Tony (Aaron Kwok) is a cocky drifter punk who likes to go around challanging Judo champs. He has a Van Damme smirk on his face. Think of his character as Ryu from "Street Fighter" -- he's just looking for a fight to test and better his skill...

Some girl (Cherrie Ying) plays a vagabond piece of ass hoping to go from Asian trash to Asian pop idol. She slurps noodles like a champ.

The three collide in a city filled with Judo masters, video gaming-gangsters and a bunch of other shit that you'd have to be real fucking high on drugs to understand.

From "All About Ah-Long" to "Fulltime Killer," Johnny To has proved that he's one of Asian Cinema's most talented and versatile filmmakers; even when he's pumping out 3 films a year, they look as if they were anything but rushed. Usually moderate in budget, his films seem rich in quality; their artistic camera angles (think crash course Chris Doyle) and wicked lighting techniques set the mood and hint that you're getting a feature packed with tender loving care and not some run of the mill cheapass Hong Kong flick.

I was excited when I heard about "Throw Down," a semi martial arts film that centers around "Judo," a fighting style that we rarely see on film - and now I know why; because this particular style is a bore when put in movies (lots of throw downs, hence, the title). But these Judo scenes, no matter how uninteresting they are, it's far from being a major problem. The real problem is the film itself. IT SUCKS, plain and simple. Sorry to sound vague, but seriously, this has got to be one of the worst films I have seen in the last few years. I mean, what kind of fucking Tsui Hark wet dream is this? And what's this "A salute to Akira Kurosawa" crap (as mentioned in the film's credits)? Well, thank God the late Akira Kurosawa isn't alive to see this movie. In fact, it probably would have been the cause of his death if screened during his final months!

Okay, there are a couple of situational scenes that are somewhat amusing and witty (one, involving bathroom stalls), but they come and go - then disappear for good - and there's no way they can hold this mess together. Of course, the leads (Louis Koo, Aaron Kwok and Cherrie Ying) give their all, but their performances are useless in a movie like this.

I do appreciate all the style and pizzazz that warrants "Throw Down" as a hip Johnny To film; if I said the film didn't look fantastic cinematically, I'd be lying. But overall, anyone who thinks "Throw Down" is a great film dug waaaaaay too fucking deep for a reason.

I've never been a big fan of heroine kung fu movies; in fact, I've tried to stay away from them every chance I got. Could you blame me for being a male chauvinist pig when it came to genuine ass kicking? Of course not. With Come Drink With Me, I'm forced to say that Cheng Pei Pei (who plays Golden Swallow, the film's protagonist) is the real deal; for the first time in kung fu movie history, I actually enjoyed seeing a woman beat the hell out of the bad guys. I'm not sure what it exactly is about her, but she pulls off a believable kung fu fighting babe and does a much better job portraying one than Angela Mao, Michelle Yeoh and Moon Lee COMBINED... and I'm not talking in a fight-choreography sense; I'm talking in terms of how she carries herself with her no-nonsense charisma. And who knows, maybe some of the credit could be given to director King Hu? Frankly, I haven't seen enough of his or Cheng Pei Pei's work to give a valid opinion.

As it stands, Come Drink With Me is one entertaining film. I've heard both good and bad things about it... it's "boring", there's "too much talk", it's a "classic", it's "influential"... I'm shooting for the more positive remarks. It has a plot that's solid and simple. It's probably not as graphic and action packed as your average Chang Cheh film, but you do get the occasional blood-in-the-face shots, dismembered body parts and even some mystical shit for you fantasy fucks (and the visual effects were done pretty damn well, especially for the time). Even the villains are colorful and have a lot more character than the majority of baddies in an average kung fu film. And you have to love Golden Swallow's semi-sidekick, Drunken Cat, played by Yueh Hua.

King Hu's direction is top notch. The cinematography is beautiful. The sets are visually lavish. For the most part, the fight choreography may seem bland when compared to today's standards; but to even up the odds, they bare less edits and camera tricks. To sum it all up, Come Drink With Me is a film that I appreciate and its innovation and influence reflects many popular martial arts movies of today. Sounds like a classic to me.

And now, my eyes are drooling over Golden Swallow (the Chang Cheh-directed sequel to Come Drink With Me) and the One Armed Swordsman series.

Here's our first exhibit: 36th Chamber of Shaolin, starring Gordon Liu, also known as Lau Ka Fai, and directed and choreographed by Liu Chia-Liang, whom many of you may know better as Lau Kar Leung, the man who directed most of Drunken Master 2 but got fired by Jackie Chan because he...meaning Liu...wanted the martial arts element to be more accurate than was customary for that film's illustrious star.

Is there a question back there? The restrooms? They're over there. Down the hall, on the left. You're welcome.

This film is one of many from the period...1978, to be exact...that has multiple titles. It also goes by the names of "Master Killer" and "Shaolin Master Killer." We believe that "36th Chamber of Shaolin" is the most appropriate title, however, since there comes a point when the lead character, San Te, proposes the institution of a 36th training chamber in the Shaolin Temple for the benefit of the general Chinese public. But I digress. To start things off...

I'm sorry? What's that? Oh. That way. Down the hall, on the left. You're welcome.

To start things off, there's a secret revolution of sorts against the tyranny of the Manchus, and our hero enlists after watching his family and friends get brutally slaughtered. Not the most imaginative impetus, perhaps, but it serves, and many similarly-themed martial arts films followed. San Te manages to con his way into a sort of unofficial Shaolin scholarship, and...excuse me, young man, but we don't permit museum patrons to touch the exhibits, especially patrons who have just finished jacking off to the Naked Killer display. Those ropes are there for a reason, you know.

San Te, for some reason, fails to mention his motivations to the temple elders until a whole year is passed, at which point he...

Yes? Oh. Down the hall, on the left. You're welcome.

At which point he begins a series of grueling training sequences which, in many other kung fu films, would be replaced by fight scenes. 36th Chamber of Shaolin has the distinction of being one of the most, if not THE most training-intensive martial arts films of all time. Mind you, not ALL of the temple's 35 chambers get their own sequence; that would make for an intolerably long movie.

Speaking of "long", it seems that some of our guests are really taking their time in the restrooms. Can I have a volunteer to go and make sure everything is all right? Woah! I only need ONE volunteer! You there, why don't you go? That's correct, down the hall, on the left. Hurry back.

Where was I? Oh yes, the training chambers. Well, eventually, San Te completes the gamut, and the elders offer him the chance to become the overseer of any one chamber of his choice. Instead, he suggests a 36th chamber be opened so that people other than monks can learn Shaolin self-defense techniques. This proposal outrages the elders, who cast San Te out. From there, the film's previously laborious pace accelerates drastically.

Huh? Oh, for...down the hall, on the left. Where all the others have gone.

So, San Te goes and starts fighting the Manchus, which is something the film has built up to for about an hour and a half. When all is said and done...

WHAT?!? Are you deaf?!? Down the fuckin' hall, on the fuckin' left. Yeah, you too, asshole.

After all I've done for this place, here's where I end up; alone in front of a kung fu movie that's almost all training sequences, behind glass, roped off, on a fuckin' pedestal it doesn't deserve, talking to myself. A tour guide without a tour group. A fine thing! Hey Mike, tell the boss I quit. I'm heading someplace where my skills will be appreciated!

There were some other too-contrived-to-be-taken-seriously parts that detract from enjoyment of the movie. In two scenes (Wang Yu eating from the rice bowl and the inmates doing road work), the prisoners act with ridiculous cooperation. Unless every other reference to prison in the history of entertainment is a flat-out lie, the only respect these guys grant each other is reflective of how accommodating their assholes are. And how about the buxom lass with the flat tire? A bunch of hardened criminals (oh, man...bad choice of words...) see a woman for the first time in years, wearing a wet blouse, and instead of gang-banging her they elect Sammo to change her tire while she seeks shelter from the rain. What the fu**!!! Plus, the damn music sucks. Hey Jeff, do you know what movie they ripped it off from? More importantly, do you know WHY the fu** anyone would want to use vacuum cleaner noise like this a SECOND time??? How about some simple harmonica tunes? Economical AND realistic. Besides those factors, there was another that made it impossible to just relax and enjoy the movie: the conditions under which it was made. Those of you who have read the JC Quiz (or the rest of this review, for that matter) have probably noticed my sneering contempt for Jimmy Wang Yu (a.k.a. The Anti-Christ), or at least his style of "business". For those who don't know, Jimmy Wang Yu is an actor and producer who has strong ties with the Triads (Chinese Mafia). After Lo Wei made Jackie a marked man, Wang Yu stepped in on Jackie's behalf and made it safe for him to return to Hong Kong (after starring in the suicide-inducing Robert Clouse film THE BIG BRAWL). To pay off the debt he owed Wang Yu, Jackie appeared in a film he produced and hired Chu Yin-ping to direct: the abysmal FANTASY MISSION FARCE. Now, my own opinion is that Wang Yu should have been made an indentured servant to Chan for the rest of his worthless life after coercing him to participate in such a colossal waste of time, but that's beside the point.

After FANTASY MISSION FARCE, Wang Yu got into the practice of getting major Hong Kong actors to appear in his films by informing them that if they did, he would see to it that certain other members of the Hong Kong Triads would NOT break every bone in their bodies. I'm paraphrasing, of course, but you get the idea..."You think it's a silly film? Well, you're entitled to your opinion, but you're also entitled to your health, and the Triads over at Happyfu** Films might not see it that way." fu** you, asshole! Even if Wang Yu's intentions are good and even though this sort of thing happens frequently in Hong Kong, who in the name of hell-bent fu** appointed this cocksucker Guardian Angel of the Hong Kong Superstars? For those of you who still aren't getting the point, I HATE JIMMY WANG YU! JIMMY WANG YU MUST DIE!! DAMN JIMMY WANG YU!!! fu** HIM, fu** HIM, fu** HIM!!!! Well, anyway, the plot of this movie appealed to me enough so that I would love to see a remake of it...hell, as a future screenwriter and (hopefully) director, maybe I'll do it myself. And, since I've already got my version all figured out from the rest of this review, all I need now is $30 million or so to make it with! Unfortunately, the only probable way to get that kind of money quickly is to give James Cameron a blow job, and unlike every producer in Hollywood right now, I'm not willing to do that.

Donnie Yen stars as So Chan, a member of the beggar clan (even though his dad is rich) who gets hooked on opium by a corrupt official and finds himself at odds with the heroic Wong Fei Hung (played, this time, by Wong Gok). The large supporting cast includes Sheila Chan, sporting a very fake-looking set of buck teeth, as Aunt Jean, a character so annoying that you'll want to skip every scene with her in it. Then there's Yiteh, So Chan's love interest and a sort of predecessor to Christy Chung's Tai Chi II character; far too big a deal is made of the fact that she has studied abroad and she tries to improve women's education in China while wearing an ugly hat. Far more interesting, as female characters go, are the women of The Red Lotus Cult, who casually start cutting people to ribbons whenever things don't go their way.

The whole thing resembles nothing so much as a combination martial arts/classroom drug scare film. So Chan's ignorance regarding the insidiousness of opium and the ease with which he succumbs to addiction result in him making a half-assed...no, ONE QUARTER-assed attempt to murder Wong Fei Hung ("Assassinator!", he yells), who is pushing a newfangled pill that eases the quitting process. Naturally, he sees the error of his ways after being sealed up in a drugless room (a la Trainspotting, but without the baby on the ceiling) and joins the anti-opium crusade soon enough. Straightforward battle is eschewed in favor of gimmick fights, like a seated duel involving an opium pipe (Wong Guk's hand catches fire, but he doesn't seem to mind) and a Red Lotus Cult member lashing out with her deadly ponytail (yet another Tai Chi II parallel).

Heroes Among Heroes is definitely one of Yuen Wo-Ping's lesser films, both as a director and a choreographer. The highlight is So Chan's dad indicating Aunt Jean and saying, "Look, she's just like a bitch." Little of the greatness displayed in Iron Monkey and The Tai-Chi Master (both of which were also 1993 productions...two out of three ain't bad, I guess) can be seen here. It's not as much of a bummer as the D.T.s, but still unworthy of high praise.