First of all, the plot sucks. Basically, a village chick named Bobo (Nora Miao) has just arrived in Shanghai. She comes across a gang fight and notices that one of the dudes involved is an old childhood friend of hers. She remembers him as Silly Boy, but he now has a new name: Jaguar.

Warning: Possible spoilers in the next paragraph.

Jaguar explains to her that he is now the right-hand man for some big wig gangster dude. Anyways, they do a little catching up together, f--k and fall in love. The rest of the movie... well... to make a long story short: Jaguar ends up getting set up by his own boss. Eventually, Jaguar ends up partnering up with his jumbo-bow-tied sharp shooter buddy; Jaguar punks him; then we find out the Bobo is actually the daughter of Jaguar’s old boss. Along the way, Jaguar turns into an asshole and then Bruce Lee’s co-star from The Big Boss (Liu Yung) shows up and screws things up for Jaguar even more.

I’m sure the above plot doesn’t sound so bad, but trust me, there are so many twists and turns, that, by the time you’re half way through, you start to not care about the characters, the plot, or the movie.

Even if you’re in it just for the action, there’s not much here to get a kick out of. The choreography is pretty tight for the most part, but nothing really stands out. If you want see some guys beat each other up, I can think of 50 other movies you could watch for that reason alone.

Personally, what attracted me to this movie was the presence of Nora Miao. She’s that Asian chick with white features who co-starred in most of Bruce Lee films. Not only does she get super-fiesty in this flick, but she also gets naked...A LOT! (Okay, obviously it’s a body double, but who cares. It’s still a nude female.)

Also in the mix is Liu Yung (aka Tony "Now You Know. So What? You're headed for the freezer!" Liu), another person who was pretty much in every Bruce Lee flick. So, in a way, "To Kill A Jaguar" is almost a Bruce Lee movie. The only difference is, there’s no Bruce Lee, the movie sucks, and you’re stuck with a guy who has big ass sideburns and a mustache instead.

"To Kill A Jaguar" is a dull feature folks. Even Wang Lung-Wei looks bored in this one. - Mighty Peking Man

The late Lo Lieh (who also co-wrote) plays Chao Chi-Hao, a martial artist of moderate but far from outstanding skill. He goes to hone his skills with a renowned instructor and hopes to compete in a prestigious tournament. Unfortunately there's this real asshole in town who uses hired thugs, Japanese swordsmen, and his eye-poking shithead of a son to make life difficult for any potential competition for his school in the tournament. Also, one of Chi-Hao's fellow students gets insanely jealous when Chi-Hao learns their master's secret iron fist technique and becomes the object of a female minstrel's affections. Ergo, Chi-Hao must overcome all sorts of difficulties to realize his full potential, win the tournament, and save the day all without making too much of a jackass of himself. After a handful of short, mostly one-sided fights, tournament day arrives and numerous asses are kicked.

The version I watched was the EPI DVD...dubbed only (as with many, MANY old school martial arts movies), but a far better presentation than the muddy pan and scan backwash flooding the shelves. A pretty decent treatment for a pretty decent film.

Footnote: Fu Sheng, better known to most as Alexander Fu Sheng, was killed in an auto accident while filming "Eight Diagram Pole Fighter". Prior to his death, he had just moved into the Hong Kong home of Bruce Lee, which was said to be cursed. Strange...

Everything I said then about Jaa rings even more true NOW with his latest release of Ong Bak 2. This is his directorial debut and you can see such a difference with his last films and this one. Specifically, the other films had an observant, tripod, watch-the-stunts-on-film feel to it. Much like all of Jackie Chan's films. In Ong Bak 2, Jaa shows style, visuals, flashbacks, themes, he shows it all. Everything you see on the screen has a purpose.

The story has a similar theme, young boy trained in the martial arts. But this film adds a Soap opera feel to it, keeping you involved in the story as it is revealed to you parts at a time. And involves the history and motivations of not just the main actor, but the supporting actors and villains as well. And it doesn't drag.

There is no one who can touch Jaa. The actions is SPECTACULAR! Of 90 minutes. There is 30 minutes story, 60 minutes action. He shows the martial arts on film in a way not seen since Chang Cheh and Shaw Brothers film of the 70s. There is even a 11-second one take fight scene. Over 10 different weapons, 8 different styles you can see he poured his heart into this one. Grouping a few scenes together, I'd even say it is borderline X-Rated violence. Definitely R.

If there were any debates that Jet or Jackie was the next Bruce Lee. Then you gotta give Jaa his props. He pays an homage to Jackie Chan's drunken master and crushes Chan's performance. One scene that impressed me was his Kung Fu Fist and Muy Thai fist vs 2 opponents. He switches styles back and forth throughout the fight.

Other elements, the music score is really fitting. Head banging right along with the action. Even the Koon dance, that I thought would be a drag, they scored it just right and was great to see. Cinematography, thankfully, the camera pulls back and doesn't chop up the acting or the fighting.

Proper martial art film - it's the hard, raw, kick ass ma film we have been waiting for since the days of Bruce Lee. - Kioko, cityonfire.com

Actually, this is a little better than its predecessor, I think, but that's not saying much. It's full of silly-ass moments that severely undermine the bleak, harsh atmosphere that it tries (perhaps too hard) to sustain. There's Mr. Kim (Anthony Wong, in a totally different role than in the first movie), a disfigured guy who dresses like it's still the 1700s and controls the world's (or at least Hong Kong's) only known source of clean, drinkable water. All other water has been contaminated by radiation from a big blast a while back which has reduced many people to living in the streets, even though plenty of buildings remain standing. (This blast has also, apparently, done away with color television, as the movie keeps showing us crappy old black and white TV in a feeble attempt to cement a post-apocalyptic setting. And, speaking of limited color palettes, this is one of those Hong Kong movies where every other scene is black and blue...just like all the bruises that people DON'T get from the fight scenes where they dance around without actually hitting each other. They're not all like that, but enough of them are to piss me off.) The government keeps sending people to look for a fresh water source, and they keep getting killed. In one early scene, the widow of one of these unlucky souls barges into the office of the police commissioner (Wonder Woman's husband), undeterred by dozens of armed guards, opens fire with her assault rifle, and then unleashes about 20 rounds directly into her own face. The final result of this is that she dies with a little splash of blood on her forehead. The government is also concerned about Chong Hon (Takeshi Kaneshiro), a charismatic "spiritual leader" (he wears white robes, but never talks about anything spiritual) in Mr. Kim's employ.

So, what have the three titular ladies been doing these past few years? Well, Wonder Woman (Anita Mui) is quietly playing homemaker with a young daughter who spends half the film shrieking "Mommy! Mommy!", Thief Catcher (Maggie Cheung) is still nabbing outlaws for cash while whistling about the never-ending fall of London Bridge, and Ching (Michelle Yeoh, formerly Invisible Girl, but now you can see her) is delivering medical supplies ("I have to get these supplies to those in need safe and sound," she says to herself, as she calmly drives her truck through a big stack of barrels packed with explosives instead of going around them). Ching has a masked, hunchbacked ally named Kau who communicates through crude body language and grunts, and gleefully helps her beat up bad guys. He's really the only likable character in the film. So, of course, he dies. But at least he's not alone. Executioners has one of the highest body counts (percentage wise) I've ever seen in a Hong Kong film. By the end of the movie, almost everyone is dead, yet I still felt unfulfilled.

Directors Ching Siu-Tung and Johnnie To use the film's dystopian setting and high production value to cover up all sorts of nonsense. People keep dying on their mission to locate "the fresh water source" because the surrounding terrain is heavily booby-trapped. Apparently, the radiation that tainted the rest of the water also wiped out all knowledge of how to build things like aircraft and mine detectors. Nevertheless, Thief Catcher and a guy named Tak (Lau Ching Wan) locate this holy grail after just one night of walking, and they're not even going at full speed because they've got Wonder Woman's brat with them. Wonder Woman makes herself a new mask with a piece of scrap metal, pounding out the eye holes with a bolt taken out of a prison floor, and when she puts it on, lo and behold, it's a perfect fit, just as pretty and streamlined as her old one. When the President informs the populace that it is once again safe to drink "normal" water (no real explanation is given), people joyfully turn on their taps and begin to slake their collective thirst; never mind that the pipes and the water passing through them would have an enormous rust content after such an extended period of disuse. And...(skip the rest of this paragraph to avoid an even bigger spoiler than the ones I've already thrown at you)...when Mr. Kim rips one of Ching's arms off and holds her over his head, she yanks an exploding crossbow bolt out of her body and blows them both to Kingdom Come (thus making the Heroic Trio a Heroic Duo)...or so one would think. She dies a messy death, but he just loses an arm. I sense a pattern here. Admittedly, this does lead to the coolest moment in the film, when an enraged Thief Catcher repeatedly punches Kim's burnt, bleeding stump. Still, it's silly as hell when he dies by hand grenade a few moments later. If that killed him, why didn't the first explosion do it? And don't say "super powers".

Bah.

If you can look past its multitudinous absurdities, you may find some amusement in Executioners. The plot is a bit more complex than that of Heroic Trio, and the overall presentation is a bit more solid. But it's still not something I'd recommend to anyone with a distaste for cheese.

The first movie I ever bought, with my own money, was "Godzilla Vs. Megalon." I was seven years old. I worked my ass off for that movie. I picked up dog doo, I pulled weeds, I cleaned toilets. I even washed dishes. To this day, I NEVER wash dishes. After much laboring, I had enough to run over to the Cerritos Mall, go to the "One Dollar and Up" store, and buy "Godzilla Vs. Megalon." Popping it in, I was beyond jovial. "Godzilla Vs. Megalon", and it's mine. All mine! For about six months, "Godzilla Vs. Megalon" was the only thing in my parent's VCR.

Within time, I found new things to obsess over. First it was horror movies, which got me interested in punk with The Misfits, and then hip-hop with The Gravediggaz. The Gravediggaz turned me onto the Wu Tang Clan, which then in turn got me into John Woo movies and kung fu. My Woo/ Kung Fu obsession soon turned into an obsession with all things Hong Kong, and within time that spread to a love for Asian movies in general, and, when my DVD recently broke, I decided to dust off my old VHS collection, and lo and behold, what do I see? "Godzilla Vs. Megalon", among other kaiju eiga (Japanese monster movies). Ahh, the circular nature of things.

I threw "Godzilla Vs. Megalon" into my player and sat back. It was like visiting with an old friend.

"Godzilla Vs. Megalon" has some funnily costumed people living under the Pacific Ocean called Seatopians. Rampant pollution is working wonders on the environment, destroying their habitat. What are a bunch of underwater-dwelling weirdoes to do? Well, we could organize in front of the Diet and protest. We can request assistance from the EPA. Naw, screw that, let's just send up a giant cockroach and chicken to level some buildings and raise some hell. I like their reasoning.

On the surface, a couple of (I think) gay scientists and a little boy in short shorts (the horror! the horror....) are working on Jet Jaguar, a robot with just enough modifications so that the Ultraman producers couldn't sue. Anyways, Jet Jaguar is a pretty cool robot. He can fly, he can fight, and he can even grow to Godzilla-esque proportions. Or wander onto sets with miniature buildings. Anyways, bad guys hired by the Seatopians cause problems for our life-partner heroes, monsters reek havoc in the countryside, and any pedophiles that happen across the movie are finding themselves in bonerville as that little annoying kid's shorts get smaller and smaller. Oh, and Godzilla bounces on his tail.

And Jet Jaguar has his own theme song at the movie's end.

What I'm saying with all this is, it's hard to be objective when it comes to Godzilla movies. They were my escape from racial violence. This movie, in particular, was the first I ever bought. I LOVE these movies. Perhaps you are too adult and mature to enjoy them. I am not. I will never be too old or mature to enjoy monsters stompin' on Japanese cities. I'll never be too old for little boys in short-shorts. I'll take an early-70's Godzilla movie over a French art film any day. And if you don't like it...what's the opposite of growing up? Growing down? Yeah...grow down, man!

Dynamo's plot is very similar to that of "Chinese Stuntman." In fact, in some ways it seems that Bruce Li (aka Ho Chun Tao) realized that Dynamo had some problems, and attempted to rectify them in "Chinese Stuntman," which he wrote and directed. It's a shame, because Dynamo could've been a great flick on its own. I laughed throughout the first half of the movie, and don't think I was laughing out of derision; it was out of pure enjoyment.

Like "Chinese Stuntman," the best thing about Dynamo is Bruce's interaction with his only friend in the flick, his grizzled, hard-drinking teacher. The teacher might be washed up, but his kung-fu skills are still excellent. "Attack me whenever you want," he instructs Bruce, "because I'll do the same." This leads to lots of surprise moments in the film, as Bruce will just be jogging around, or going about his business, but will suddenly launch an attack against the teacher, who is, of course, always prepared. The teacher pushes Bruce relentlessly, making him a better martial artist.

This wouldn't be a Bruce Li movie if there wasn't some weird stuff going on. Twice in the film, we get these extended fight scenes of some Bruce Lee-looking guy taking on opponents. First he fights some Japanese guys in a scene very much like that in "Fist of Fury," and then fighting some opponents in the desert. Only then do we realize that this guy is supposed to be the "real" Bruce Lee, and Bruce Li is just thinking about him! Yes, it's just as weird as it sounds.

Things go swimmingly until sixty minutes into the movie. Bruce goes across the world for various films, and is attacked everywhere. He goes skiing in Korea, gets attacked. He goes to America, gets attacked a bunch of times, even by a bellhop who pretends to be a fan. The scenes in "America" are really funny. This movie obviously didn't have the budget to fly to the US, so they had to do a little improvising. When Bruce fights a black opponent in an underground parking lot, you can see on the door behind them a sign that reads "exit." However, this sign is obviously handwritten, and taped to the door. Yep, just like in America.

Bruce's girlfriend gets abducted, and he must fight an overweight monster of an opponent in a tournament. This fight is underwhelming and possibly the least interesting in the flick, even though it's supposed to be the climactic, final battle. However, Bruce does wear a variation on the Game of Death tracksuit; it's orange and white. He also wears the Game of Death tracksuit itself, earlier in the film, except the black stripes seem to be blue on his version.

Bruce Li is the best thing about the movie, as usual. His moves are genuinely fast, and he's a capable martial artist through and through. I know I'm in the minority, but this is really how I feel: you can keep your Jackie Chan. I'd rather watch Bruce Li any day.

One of the few movies to feature all six of the Venoms, Kid gets started with an action scene and doesn't stop until the end. Even the opening credits feature some action, as the four bosses of the evil Chi Sah gang show off their styles. The story concerns Sun Chien's escort service, which must transport a large shipment of gold. With them comes virtuous swordsman Li Chin-Ming (Wei Pai) and his woman, the equally-skilled Ms. Ling (Chi Pan-Ping). The service also employs the services of Short Axe (Chiang Sheng) and Long Axe (Sun Shao-Pei, the annoying prick who killed Lo Meng in Five Venoms), two fighters who compete to see who can kill the most villains. Continuously bumping into them is the drunken government agent Hai To (Kuo Choi).

The Chi Sah gang is headed by Lo Meng, as the titular character. As usual, he only fights with his hands, but he has an iron skin technique, plus he can shatter swords bare-handed. Their second chief is Lu Feng as Silver Spear; Wang Lung-Wei is the third chief, Iron Robe, and Brass Head (Yang Shung) rounds out the principal villains as the fourth and final chief. Sun Chien knows these guys are out for the gold, and even after the Chi Sah gang attacks the escort service at their base, they still carry on with the journey.

Kid with the Golden Arm is not a movie with layer upon layer of subplots. Instead, things pan out in about as narrow-minded a manner as you could imagine. The escort service gets attacked by the Chi Sah gang, someone dies, the escort service moves on, they get attacked again. The movie features more action than The Five Venoms, sure, but it's nowhere near as good because the story is lacking.

Kuo Choi's drunken character Hai To provides the only unexpected bits; for example, at one point Li Chin-Ming is hit with the "sand palm," which is an assured, but slow, death. Hai To steals him away from his girl and bars him in an iron forge, despite her pleas. Turns out almost being roasted alive is the only cure for the sand palm, yet Wei Pai's character holds a grudge against Hai To throughout the movie. On top of that, Kuo engages in all manner of Jackie Chan-type goofery, obviously attempting to tap into the success Drunken Master.

The film opens bloodily with an escort service member crawling into their headquarters, "Chi Sah gang" etched onto his bare back by a sword. He dies in his tracks, serving as warning that the gang is out for the gold. Everyone reacts to this, and then Sun Chien gives everyone a history of the gang. What's great is that after a while no one even pays any attention to the guy's corpse. After warding off a surprise attack (in which Brass Head gets killed), the escort service heads out.

On the road they're attacked a few times, though each time Hai To saves the day, appearing literally out of the woodwork. One unique aspect of the film is that main villains are killed throughout. Those expecting the requisite Venoms finale of Kuo Choi, Lu Feng, and Chiang Sheng going at it will be surprised. Instead, the movie is comprised of several running battles in which main heroes and villains buy it, regardless of how late we are into the film.

Finally it comes down to a face-off between Hai To and Golden Arms. This is a nice fight, as Kuo Choi uses his acrobatic skills and swordplay against Lo's bare hands. The fight is also enjoyable because it's one of the few times we get to see Lo Meng. Although he's the title character, Lo is absent for the majority of the film. He also doesn't get a chance to display his comedic skills, instead playing the kind of character typically portrayed by Lu Feng.

Speaking of which, Lu Feng is also underused in the film, though he does get to camp it up early in the movie, disguising himself as an old man. The climax features an unexpected twist, but I find it hard to buy. Regardless of how many times I see the movie, the sudden appearance of a major character's twin always surprises and confuses me.

Chang and the Venoms inject some dark comedy into the film. Other than Kuo Choi's hijinks, the two Axes have a running gag on the number of villains killed. Kuo Choi also gets some laughs by continuously rejecting Silver Spear's offers to join the Chi Sah gang. I've also always loved the last moments with Golden Arms. At the end of the film, he makes a few serious, life-changing decisions; something rare for main villains, who usually stay bad until they meet their doom. But after he announces his plans, well, you'll just have to see for yourself. Let's just say what happens to him is shocking with each viewing.

The violence level is pleasantly high. Blood erupts from sword gashes, people get hacked apart, and those beaten by fists bleed profusely from the mouth. At one point, an assailant who hides behind a panel is stabbed, and blood shoots across the screen. One of the main chiefs suffers a grisly fate, landing on an upturned spear. This is certainly one of the more violent Venoms movies.

The sets however are minimal, mostly fake-looking reconstructions of forests and hills. It might appear fake, but it's the same look that gives these movies their otherworldly allure. The soundtrack deserves special mention, ranging from eerie synthesizer to acid-fried guitar to totally-inappropriate medieval-sounding tunes. Choreography is the usual Venoms great, though here most of them fight separately, and rely more on weapons than they do in some of their other movies.

Kid with the Golden Arm is a good Venoms film, but it's not their best. I'd rank Five Venoms, Crippled Avengers, and Invincible Shaolin higher. But for all Venoms fans, it's required viewing. For those who want to see the complete film, however, things aren't so easy. The movie was released uncut in Holland, and bootlegs exist of this print, which is full-screen and English dubbed, with Dutch subtitles. I'd advise all to just wait for the Celestial remastered release, though. There are few things as unappealing as the Dutch language. - Joe909, cityonfire.com

Yeah, you're right.... I'm gushing.

Now, whether or not "Inside Kung-Fu" magazine called Benny's final showdown with Jackie in this movie "The greatest onscreen fight ever" is moot, because I don't read Inside Kung-Fu, and neither do the majority of you who're reading this. I know that if you heard that it's because you saw that anthology "The Deadliest Art", and not because you read it in the magazine. But if they did print that, then I would have to back that statement up, because I don't think I've yet witnessed a more perfect one-on-one battle scene. Sammo may make the silliest fuckin' movies in the world, which he does (if you're doubting that, watch the "Lucky Stars" movies, and then watch "Mr. Nice Guy", and then we'll chat), but goddamn if he doesn't direct a good fight scene.

Well, so far, this ain't no kinda movie review; it's just me running off at the mouth about isolated aspects of the movie.

Ok, the movie, as a whole, is patchy (which is typical of a Sammo Hung film). Sammo ain't no Steven Spielberg when it comes to pacing or characters. However, he IS the Spielberg/Cameron of the fight scene. His fight scenes are always kinetic, intuitive, dynamic, ingenious, and so on and so on, and the fight scenes in 'Meals' have all of those qualities, but they're spaced out a bit too far, save for the end. Specifically, I found the fight with the dork bikers waaaay too damn short, although it was spectacular in that slo-mo crane shot, but I ain't tellin' what happens, for those still virgins to this film.

The cornball stuff is cute, but gets a little "too cute" in spots. The female lead here is, as always, a friggin' knockout, as any less just wouldn't do in a HK movie. The story, well, I've forgotten it already. That's how involved I was with it. Like I've said before, if you want a good story, watch Akira Kurosawa's "Seven Samurai", or the original "Jaws". This movie is for fans to get their fight fix, maybe a couple of yukyuks, and that's it.

There's one thing that confuses the crap outta me...

How the hell did Yeun Biao keep his spine from flying out of his body like a cork in that stunt where, well, if you've seen the movie you know what the frak I'm talking about. - Dan-O

But truthfully, I’d rather watch "Masked Avengers" over this any day.

I haven’t seen all of Chang Cheh’s “let’s seriously base this on an historic event” movies, but let me tell you, the guy shines a lot more when he’s making brainless ultra-violent action flicks like "Five Element Ninjas" and "One-Armed Swordsman".

I personally don’t think Chang Cheh and factual scenarios mix. At some instances, "Boxer Rebellion" is a serious piece of historic drama. Other times, it’s a badass kung fu flick that we love to watch. In the end, we end up with a half-assed true story (with many inaccuracies) smothered with Saturday afternoon Black Belt Theater action. I mean, imagine if Kubrick’s "Full Metal Jacket" had ninjas in it or something? Where I’m getting at is there aren’t enough gray areas, just a sloppy mix of black and white. Make either a no-nonsense, high budget period movie or or a straight up kung fu tale. Don’t try to cram both into one package.

"Boxer Rebellion" is a very Americanized production. They definitely didn’t skimp out when it came to extras (of all races), set designs and locations. Even the soundtrack (which I’ll assume is the original) sounds like some kind of American TV show from the 70’s. Richard Harrison - an Italian film star who made dozens of films in the 60’s and 70’s, including Chang Cheh’s "Marco Polo"; as well as unintentionally starring in a string of goofy Ninja movies for Godfrey Ho and Joseph Lai - has a chunky cameo as an American officer who tries to take on Alexander Fu Sheng and Chi Kuan Chun (take a guess who wins?).

All bullshit aside, "Boxer Rebellion" isn’t bad, but it does take a while to build up into something we’d expect from a Chang Cheh film with a cast like this. The final third of the movie is what packs the most punch (mind you, this is a very LONG movie). The action is brutal, entertaining and bloody remarkable (no pun intended). As with most Chang Cheh films, don’t expect a 100% happy ending. Heck, a lot of the movie has kung fu guys vs. men with rifles, so use your imagination.

Now, excuse me while I pop in "Crippled Avengers". - Mighty Peking Man

"Masked Avengers" concerns a cult of masked killers who work as mercenaries, though the film never once addresses who exactly hires and pays them. None of them know each other behind their masks, which also raises more logistical questions: if no one knows who is who, then how in the world did the cult get started in the first place? Regardless, we discover that these guys are Satanic in everything but name: they thrive on debauchery, drink the blood of their victims, worship and frolic in pagan rituals, and rape and murder as they please.

Chiang Sheng, the Venom who normally played the goofy one, here plays the straight role of Chi San Yun, the reserved leader of a government-appointed party that's seeking out this cult. His group is made up of assorted fighters, some of whom have lost family members and loved ones at the hands of the killers. Two figures stand out in the group: Cheng Chung (Chien Hsao-Hao, in the type of role normally played by Toad Venom Lo Meng), a good-natured but naïve guy, and hotheaded Liang Yung (played by Chu Ko, who happens to be a dead ringer for Scorpion Venom Sun Chien).

Chi San Yun's group heads to a small town where the masked killers are apparently headquartered. They figure the leader of the cult must be a wealthy, powerful individual, and so their chief suspect is Lin Yung Chi (Lu Feng, the constantly-evil Venom). Lin claims he's never heard of a group of masked killers in his town, but does implicate another wealthy individual, Fong Su Kwong (Wang Li), whom he's heard employs a personal army of kung-fu fighters at his estate. Chi's men hole up in an inn to sort things out, where Cheng Chung strikes up a friendship with mysterious cook Kao (Kuo Choi).

Over the next several days, the cultists murder the members of Chi San Yun's group, sometimes in broad daylight. These murders continue unabated, until about an hour in it all comes to a head, as Kao finally reveals his story to Cheng. Turns out Kao was a member of the cult, in fact he was the second chief, but quit when he realized the cult was killing for fun, not profit. Now disguised as a cook, he keeps an eye on the two men he suspects of being the chiefs: Fong Su Kwon and Lin Yung Chi. However, Cheng is murdered by the three chiefs before he can impart this information to his superior, Chi San Yun.

Kao finds Chi San Yun and his remaining men and manages to convince them of his innocence. He's also able to unveil the second chief by devising a ruse that's brilliant in its stupidity. Discovering the cult will be gathering that night, Kao, Chi, and Chi's remaining men unleash an assault on their headquarters, which happens to be in an abandoned temple.

This final battle is one of the most amazing the Venoms ever did, complete with booby traps, countless cult members, shooting darts, moving walls, and streams of acid. If the heroes had just tried to make their way through this trap-fest of a temple, it would have made for an entertaining finale, but on top of that they're engaged in acrobatic, jaw-dropping kung-fu throughout. Those expecting the usually-bizarre weaponry seen in Venoms movies will be let down, though. Tridents predominate; be prepared for the excessive "clang, CLANG, clang, CLANG," sound effects in the final battle. Other than tridents, the occasional sword is used, and Chiang Sheng uses his fan to waste people, before unleashing a pair of metal hoops.

There are two problems that keep this film from being perfect. One, the fact that only three Venoms are present. Lo Meng would have been perfect in the role of Cheng Chung, in fact the part seems to have been written for him. But Lo left the Venoms crew around this time; who knows, maybe even shortly before production of this movie, which would explain why screenwriter I Kuang created a character so suited to him. Sun Chien was still a Venom, though, so his absence doesn't make any sense. But like I said above, Chu Ko looks so much like Sun Chien anyway, you could probably fool yourself into believing it IS him.

As for the second problem, it's related to the first. Much like the original Venoms movie, "Five Venoms", the main actors don't see much action until the very end. Kuo Choi tries to avoid fighting for the first hour or so. Chiang Sheng doesn't do anything until the final battle, other than wave his fan around and look uncomfortable in a role totally not suited to him. Lu Feng sees more action than any of them, although most of the time it's from behind a mask.

Now let's move on to the violence. "Five Element Ninja" was a violent movie for sure, but it was cartoonish violence. "Masked Avengers" is equally gory, but the violence is more disturbing. In this movie you will see masked cultists drinking human blood, you'll see intestines draping from a bloody trident, you'll see so many guys impaled you'll lose count (in one case, a cult member actually pulls his trident all the way THROUGH his victim), you'll see a dude bite off his own tongue, and you'll see torture sequences that should make the most jaded Shaw Brothers fan squirm.

On top of that, the production values are high. The cult headquarters is a sight to behold, topping even the fantastic dungeons Chor Yuen gave us in his 1976 Shaws film "Web of Death". The costumes are the usual Venoms cool, with the cult members getting the best. The foot soldiers wear identical outfits of black pants and red vests, with demon-like, horned masks. The three chiefs wear more regal clothing, and have masks that look more like dwarf faces, or something. These masks don't have horns, but they do have beards, and each chief wears a different color. All told, these cult members make for an appealing visual spectacle.

"Masked Avengers" is one of the top movies I'm waiting for Celestial to remaster, because the DVD currently out there isn't so great. The DVD release from NS is only marginally better than the nth-generation video dub I've had for the past ten years. The picture on the NS disc is too dark, and panned-and-scanned out of whack. The final battle begs to be seen in widescreen, but for now, this bungled DVD will have to do. - Joe909

One day, a lone gunslinger, who is also in search of the treasure, rides in the gang-infested town. His solid skills and quick reflexes are immediately challenged by both gangs. Impressed by his skills, the two gangs have a bidding war to recruit the stranger, with each leader promising him a larger share (or better deal) if the treasure is found...

Ennio Morricone took a big ass bite out of Akira Kurosawa's Yojimbo and made one of the most influential Italian western films ever. Now, Takashi Miike - one of Japan's most loved cult directors - takes that bite back, chews it up, gargles it down, then spits it out on an odd shaped canvas. The result: a fun-filled flick full of violence, humor and wackiness (not to mention weirdness!).

Sukiyaki Western Django is filled with nods to some of the most popular Italian Western flicks we've come to know and love. It even goes as far as having direct references to characters like Django and Yojimbo, as if they existed in the same parallel universe.

Essentially, Sukiyaki Western Django is to Italian Westerns what Quentin Tarantino's Kill Bill Vol. 1 was to Exploitation/Asian films. Both share the same execution... you know, a filmmaker's love for film, making a film for the fun of it, never taking it too serious, yet still packing that creative punch that will eventually make it a cult classic in its own right. And speaking of Quentin Tarantino, he does have a cameo in this film (and he does way better behind the camera).

With all the wisecracks, painted sets, neat perspective shots and quick animated sequences ("The Bloody Benton"), you still get some of Miike's trademark vulgar violence... don't ever expect this guy to pull a punch. I won't ruin any particular scene for you, but there's a moment where one of the "red" gang members says "My color looks good on you" after a traumatic killing. Classic.

The action scenes themselves are entertaining! And I say that again... they're entertaining! Let's just say that the scenes are well choreographed and there's hardly a dull second. Not all the action is gunslinging. There still enough slicing, dicing, explosions and beatings to go around for those who prefer something than just "John Woo" shit.

Sukiyaki Western Django is filmed entirely in English, but keep that subtitle button handy (unless you own the Malaysian DVD), because you can barely understand the cast members. The first time I watched it, I only understood 40% of what they were saying; the second time I watched it, the bad English grew on me, and I understood nearly everything. Go figure. And yes, subtitles weren't an option because I do have the Malaysian version. But in the end, with or without English subs, the movie is still an easy watch.

Sukiyaki Western Django is a great film. If you're a fan of both Asian and Italian Westerns, it's a must. As for the people who thought this film was crap (and I was surprised at how many people didn't like it), they were just taking it way too serious. It's not a remake, it's not a wannabe, it's not a rip-off, it's just a great director having fun while making a cool fucking movie.

The actors in Silmido were all top notch. You'll see many familiar faces among the main and supporting members of the 31 soldiers in Unit 684. Ahn Sung-ki, The general in charge of Silmido, Sol Kyung-gu (of Oasis and Public Enemy fame) and Jeong Jae-yeong (of Guns & Talks and No Blood No Tears fame) are really the three main characters and who the entire movie focuses on, with the latter two being the heads of the two of the three teams of trainees. They all do a bang up job, especially showing their early mistrust and dislike for each other growing to their mutual respect and admiration.

The movie was stark and lacked much color, but this is due to the fact that they were on a deserted island, dressed in military garb and didn't have anything as far as decorations. But this added to the terrific tension that builds in the movie. There is no stimulus whatsoever, except the difficult training the men must endure. The dramatic score adds to this as well.

If you enjoyed the brief training scene at the beginning of Shiri, you'll probably like the movie Silmido. The majority of the movie focuses on the training and building of a brotherhood, and it's fairly brutal. All in all a terrific film, it's no wonder it is South Korea's biggest blockbuster thus far.

No, it's difficult to review solely because of the fact that any little bit that's revealed about the movie kind of spoils the fun of it.

The only thing that you need to know about the film's plot is that Oh Dae-Su gets locked up somewhere for 15 years. Upon completion of said incarceration, he is released and left to his own devices to determine who did it and why.

The movie has cemented my adoration of Park Chan-Wook and his output to date. From Joint Security Area, to Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance, through to Oldboy, he never ceases to amaze me with his films - simply because after viewing each film, I can't stop thinking about them.

Case in point - I watched Oldboy about a month ago and still find myself thinking about all the intricate twists and turns that befall the protagonist of Oh Dae-Su. I lent the movie to a co-worker of mine who watched it with his girlfriend one weekend - he, too, couldn't stop thinking about the movie afterwards. My father also watched it with my mother - again, the same result.

I'm beginning to sound like a raving idiot but I'm being completely serious here. I really felt that viewing Oldboy was quite an experience, resulting in this movie landing firmly in any list of my all-time favourite films. However, you should be fairly warned - the movie was very disturbing. If news about an American remake of the film really do bear fruit, I can only imagine how watered-down it will turn out to be.

I conclude this half-assed review of Oldboy by telling you that my mother now thinks that I'm a fucking nutter for lending my dad the movie. With praise like that, you can't go wrong with this film. - Owlman

I first saw this movie on a local channel when I was a kid. It blew my mind and I knew I was witnessing something special. I saw it again years and years later; in fact, I know exactly when it was: Summer of 1992. It was on the USA Network on a Saturday afternoon, and I remember my Mom came into the living room, right at the part when Shao Tien-Hao's about to take care of a little "Nuisance," and my Mom said, "What in the hell are you watching?" She said it more in horror than annoyance, because it's a pretty shocking scene: something you won't see the normal Hollywood hero do, that's for sure.

The movie already had great importance to me, but it rocketed into the mythic stratosphere just a few months later, when I entered college and met a guy who loved the movie as much as I did. But the important fact was that he had a copy of the original US video release, which was, cue fanfare, UNCUT. In fact this movie was partly responsible for the friendship between me and this guy, Ken, a friendship which continues to this day. So that's just one of the many reasons I'm such an admirer of this cinematic tour de force of violence, heroic sacrifice, and "forced prostitution."

I'll usually complain if a movie has too much action and too little story, and it's true that Five Element Ninja (or as I'll probably always call it, Super Ninjas) is mostly action. But when it's done this well, when the movie's this cool, who really cares? If you want crackerjack kung-fu choreography, bizarre yet deadly weaponry, cool characters in cool costumes, sexy ninja chicks in fishnet stockings, and warriors tripping over their own intestines, then boy do I have the movie for you.

Cheng Tien-Chi stars as Shao Tien-Hao, a cocky young kung-fu whiz kid. We really don't get to meet him for a while, though; instead, the opening half of the movie concerns a sparring match between Shao's school and a rival school. Things don't go so well for the rival school; even their guest fighter, a samurai, is defeated. The samurai calls in his ninja pals right before slicing open his own stomach. Eventually the ninjas issue a challenge to Shao's school. Their teacher, who's lost his kung-fu due to a poisoned dart the samurai threw at him right before committing suicide, sends off several of his best students, but keeps Shao and Chi Shang (portrayed by Venom Lo Meng) by his side.

Shao's schoolmates are slaughtered by the ninjas. There's no other word for it. Representing each of the five elements, there's the water ninjas, who come out of the water, the fire ninjas, who use fire and smoke tactics, the earth ninjas, who erupt out of the ground, the gold ninjas, who blind their opponents with their golden shields, and the wood ninjas, who hide inside of trees. During this long battle sequence the movie offers many grisly moments, with the aforementioned intestine-tripping, multiple hackings and dismemberings, and even (in the uncut version) a quick glimpse of a female fire ninja's breasts.

The ninja leader then sends in female ninja Senshi to gather information on Shao's school. Cozying up with the gullible Chi Shang, she successfully gathers enough details for the ninjas to mount a nighttime assault. This leads to the destruction of the school, the murder of the teacher and Chi Shang, and the capture of Shao. He's able to escape, due to a lesson he once received from an elderly Chinese ninja master. Shao finds this old man and learns the ninja arts. Eventually he's able to issue his own challenge to the ninjas, he and his three new brothers meeting each group and kicking ass. Along the way he settles his score with Senshi ("I was right. WAS I right?"), wastes tons of ninjas, and gains his vengeance.

The fighting in this movie is great across the board. It's one of the few kung-fu movies you could watch over and over, and never get bored. The Venoms movies can be seen as the peak of the Shaw Brothers kung-fu flicks, but sometimes their choreography was a bit too "hey, look at me!" sort of stuff. Five Element Ninja has acrobatic leaps and kicks and punches, just like the Venoms, but it's all certainly more hard-hitting. Weapons fighting takes predominance over kung-fu, but this isn't your typical swordplay movie at all. The choreography is flawless and shows off the obvious skill of the performers.

I have a feeling that if the Shaw Brothers had continued making films, the actors in this movie would have gone on to become Chang Cheh's "New Venoms." Most of them had already appeared in the final Venoms movie, House of Traps, but here they get a chance to shine on their own. In particular I've always liked lead actor Cheng Tien-Chi, who seems to me like the "Voltron Venom." If all the other Venoms combined, he would be the result: he's got the lead-actor qualities of Kuo Choi, the on-screen charisma of Lo Meng, the comedic talents of Chiang Sheng, the weapons mastery of Lu Feng, and the kicking ability of Sun Chien. I wish he'd made more movies, but he faded along with the Shaw Brothers moviemaking empire. A footnote to the Cheng Tien-Chi story is that he was good friends with Venom Chiang Sheng; it was Cheng Tien-Chi who discovered Chiang's body, dead from a heart attack, in 1991.

The other actors who stand out for me are the mustached Tien Hsiang-Lung as Brother Li, who makes a lone stand against the fire ninjas, the evil ninja leader Chin Tien-Chun, played by Chan Wai-Man (who'd been appearing in Shaws movies for at least a decade), and the three brothers who join Shao's cause. Then of course there's Lo Meng, who'd quit the Venoms crew years before, but stayed with the Shaws until the very end. He's always been one of my favorites. According to his biography on the new Celestial DVD release of Five Venoms, Lo's a TV star in Hong Kong these days, and lately he's been attempting to refashion his image as a comedic performer!

The pacing of the narrative is perfect. You might think this is just a schlocky fight-fest, but there's emotional content here. In fact, the ending gets me every time. Seeing the punishment the ninja leader puts his three new brothers through, Shao realizes what he must do. His final mad dash toward the leader, as various clips from the film flash before his eyes, is to me one of the many highlights of the movie.

This film is one of Chang Cheh's best, even if the sets are a bit cheap-looking (at one point you can see paint bubbles in the sky), and the costumes at times are too outrageous. (I don't know too many ninjas who would wear bright gold costumes, and believe you me, I know lots of ninjas.) In some ways, Five Element Ninja can be seen as an ultraviolent combination of Chang's earlier, more artsy (but bloody) movies and his later kung-fu fests. It's unfortunate that this was his last movie to make any impact, but at the same time, it's fitting.

I could go on and on, make this review epic length, but I'm trying to hold myself back. Hopefully I've managed to convey my enthusiasm. You know how sometimes you'll be watching a movie, and you'll wonder, "wouldn't it be cool if?" Like, "Wouldn't it be cool if ninjas erupted out of the ground?" Or, "Wouldn't it be cool if that dude killed himself with an axe?" Or, "Wouldn't it be cool if they fucking ripped the main villain in half?" Well, Five Element Ninja meets and exceeds your every "wouldn't it be cool if" wish.

As a final word, I advise all to out the Panmedia-released, uncut DVD of this film, which is generally listed as "Chinese Super Ninjas uncut." It's just a bootleg dub of a video, much like the NS DVD version you can find in stores is a bootleg dub of a video, but whereas the NS release is sourced from an edited version, the Panmedia disc is truly uncut, as it's taken from the original US video release. The same version my pal Ken showed me, all those years ago. And then when Celestial finally gets with it and releases the remastered version on DVD, buy that one, too. You'll want both. I'm dreaming of the day when Celestial releases this movie, but dreading it, too. Because I'm so familiar with the English dub (I could quote lines from it all day and not get bored), it's going to be hard getting used to everyone speaking in Mandarin. But, just to see this movie in widescreen, I can deal with that, no problem.

If I had to make a list of my top five favorite Shaw Brothers movies, Five Element Ninja would rank in the number one position. That's about the highest praise I can give it. I'm patiently awaiting the Celestial release. (By "patiently," I mean I'm kicking puppies every chance I get.)

Okay, I'll limit myself to just one more of my favorite lines in the English dub: "Look at this one! His GUTS are all over!" - Joe909

As expected, the cinematography and music are absolutely outstanding, and the entire film is, without a doubt, a technical marvel. However, the pace is at times, a little slow, and admittedly, Tony Leung's Chow Mo Wan is one of Mr. Wong's least likable lead characters (very different from the Chow Mo Wan of In the Mood For Love, although the differing characterization makes sense from a story standpoint).

For me, it's probably one of my least favorite Wong Kar Wai movies, but that really doesn't mean anything, considering I've loved every single one I've seen up to this point. There's really nothing particularly better or worse about 2046, and I'm sure someone will find this to be their favorite, depending on what they take from the experience. In any case, it's not to be missed. - Iuxion

In The Mood For Love: Exquisite. From the lush hues of the set design, to Maggie Cheung's seemingly infinite supply of cheongsams, to Shigeru Umegayashi's haunting music, to Tony Leung's performance, to Wong Kar Wai's direction--everything about "In the Mood For Love" is exquisite. And while I've praised the beauty of a film's cinematography ("House of Flying Daggers"); the beauty of its performers ("Hero"); the beauty of its performances ("Oasis"); and the beauty of its story ("Il Mare"); I've yet to see a film that was completely beautiful, from the costuming to the acting to the direction to the story to the score. Simply, "In the Mood For Love" is the most beautiful movie I have ever seen. - Alexander

Each encounter becomes a new lesson for Elizabeth. Not only is she influenced by who she meets, she also becomes a new person in the process.

My Blueberry Nights is notable for being Wong Kar Wai's first U.S. feature. As many know, WKW is one of Hong Kong's most respected art house filmmakers. Films like Chungking Express, In The Mood Mood For Love and Happy Together have brought him worldwide recognition and he is considered one of the best directors of our time...

So how's his first Hollywood outing?

Well, it ain't no Chungking Express. That's a given. It's definitely not In The Mood For Love. It's not even half of Fallen Angels.

The main problem with My Blueberry Nights is that it comes off more like a WKW-wannabe movie. You get the feeling - with each frame, with most of the characters and settings - that it was modeled after Chungking Express, his most loved and well known film in America. The guy is not dumb. If you're gonna emulate the essence of one of your films, why not go for the gold. The only problem is we all remember Chungking Express so vividly that it's easy to see he's applying the same ingredients to a weaker structure.

And all this philosophical object bullshit is just that... bullshit. Again, it worked with Chunking Express (stuffed animals, pineapple, rags, etc); but the whole key thing (you obviously won't know what I'm talking about until you see it) is so artificial and forced that it becomes what Bruce Li is to Bruce Lee: an imitation. And the whole film feels this way.

Most, if not all, of the performances are okay, but the majority of the characters are uninteresting and boring. The only one you can really feel for is David Strathairn's role. With very little said, you seem to know the whole guy's deal. The others just come and go...

I don't mean to sound blunt, but WKW should stick to Chinese films and import the shit to us like he usually does. He comes up with great stuff that way... but more importantly, stop making a Bruce Li out of yourself.

You'll probably like it a lot more if you're not familiar with WKW's past work.

I've never been a big fan of heroine kung fu movies; in fact, I've tried to stay away from them every chance I got. Could you blame me for being a male chauvinist pig when it came to genuine ass kicking? Of course not. With Come Drink With Me, I'm forced to say that Cheng Pei Pei (who plays Golden Swallow, the film's protagonist) is the real deal; for the first time in kung fu movie history, I actually enjoyed seeing a woman beat the hell out of the bad guys. I'm not sure what it exactly is about her, but she pulls off a believable kung fu fighting babe and does a much better job portraying one than Angela Mao, Michelle Yeoh and Moon Lee COMBINED... and I'm not talking in a fight-choreography sense; I'm talking in terms of how she carries herself with her no-nonsense charisma. And who knows, maybe some of the credit could be given to director King Hu? Frankly, I haven't seen enough of his or Cheng Pei Pei's work to give a valid opinion.

As it stands, Come Drink With Me is one entertaining film. I've heard both good and bad things about it... it's "boring", there's "too much talk", it's a "classic", it's "influential"... I'm shooting for the more positive remarks. It has a plot that's solid and simple. It's probably not as graphic and action packed as your average Chang Cheh film, but you do get the occasional blood-in-the-face shots, dismembered body parts and even some mystical shit for you fantasy fucks (and the visual effects were done pretty damn well, especially for the time). Even the villains are colorful and have a lot more character than the majority of baddies in an average kung fu film. And you have to love Golden Swallow's semi-sidekick, Drunken Cat, played by Yueh Hua.

King Hu's direction is top notch. The cinematography is beautiful. The sets are visually lavish. For the most part, the fight choreography may seem bland when compared to today's standards; but to even up the odds, they bare less edits and camera tricks. To sum it all up, Come Drink With Me is a film that I appreciate and its innovation and influence reflects many popular martial arts movies of today. Sounds like a classic to me.

And now, my eyes are drooling over Golden Swallow (the Chang Cheh-directed sequel to Come Drink With Me) and the One Armed Swordsman series.

TEN THINGS I WOULD ALMOST RATHER DO THAN WATCH "KILLER METEORS"

1. Parade through Harlem with a Nazi flag
2. Watch a porno movie with Roseann performing sordid sexual acts upon a helpless killer whale
3. Trade places with the guy who gets trapped in the room with the poison gas in the beginning of "THE ROCK"
4. Be buried chin-deep in bloody stool and then go for a swim in shark-infested waters
5. Implant my consciousness into the body of a hamster being presented to Richard Gere
6. Hire a blind acupuncture therapist to neutralize a pain in my scrotum
7. Sodomize a llama
8. Undergo two decades of martial arts training and then leave my career in the hands of Robert Clouse
9. Watch "FANTASY MISSION FARCE"
10. Get anally raped by Jimmy Wang Yu

P.S. Sodomy is funny (^_^)

Here's our first exhibit: 36th Chamber of Shaolin, starring Gordon Liu, also known as Lau Ka Fai, and directed and choreographed by Liu Chia-Liang, whom many of you may know better as Lau Kar Leung, the man who directed most of Drunken Master 2 but got fired by Jackie Chan because he...meaning Liu...wanted the martial arts element to be more accurate than was customary for that film's illustrious star.

Is there a question back there? The restrooms? They're over there. Down the hall, on the left. You're welcome.

This film is one of many from the period...1978, to be exact...that has multiple titles. It also goes by the names of "Master Killer" and "Shaolin Master Killer." We believe that "36th Chamber of Shaolin" is the most appropriate title, however, since there comes a point when the lead character, San Te, proposes the institution of a 36th training chamber in the Shaolin Temple for the benefit of the general Chinese public. But I digress. To start things off...

I'm sorry? What's that? Oh. That way. Down the hall, on the left. You're welcome.

To start things off, there's a secret revolution of sorts against the tyranny of the Manchus, and our hero enlists after watching his family and friends get brutally slaughtered. Not the most imaginative impetus, perhaps, but it serves, and many similarly-themed martial arts films followed. San Te manages to con his way into a sort of unofficial Shaolin scholarship, and...excuse me, young man, but we don't permit museum patrons to touch the exhibits, especially patrons who have just finished jacking off to the Naked Killer display. Those ropes are there for a reason, you know.

San Te, for some reason, fails to mention his motivations to the temple elders until a whole year is passed, at which point he...

Yes? Oh. Down the hall, on the left. You're welcome.

At which point he begins a series of grueling training sequences which, in many other kung fu films, would be replaced by fight scenes. 36th Chamber of Shaolin has the distinction of being one of the most, if not THE most training-intensive martial arts films of all time. Mind you, not ALL of the temple's 35 chambers get their own sequence; that would make for an intolerably long movie.

Speaking of "long", it seems that some of our guests are really taking their time in the restrooms. Can I have a volunteer to go and make sure everything is all right? Woah! I only need ONE volunteer! You there, why don't you go? That's correct, down the hall, on the left. Hurry back.

Where was I? Oh yes, the training chambers. Well, eventually, San Te completes the gamut, and the elders offer him the chance to become the overseer of any one chamber of his choice. Instead, he suggests a 36th chamber be opened so that people other than monks can learn Shaolin self-defense techniques. This proposal outrages the elders, who cast San Te out. From there, the film's previously laborious pace accelerates drastically.

Huh? Oh, for...down the hall, on the left. Where all the others have gone.

So, San Te goes and starts fighting the Manchus, which is something the film has built up to for about an hour and a half. When all is said and done...

WHAT?!? Are you deaf?!? Down the fuckin' hall, on the fuckin' left. Yeah, you too, asshole.

After all I've done for this place, here's where I end up; alone in front of a kung fu movie that's almost all training sequences, behind glass, roped off, on a fuckin' pedestal it doesn't deserve, talking to myself. A tour guide without a tour group. A fine thing! Hey Mike, tell the boss I quit. I'm heading someplace where my skills will be appreciated!

Sze-To (Louis Koo) is a former Judo champ has-been that operates an un-stable night club. He drinks, steals money from gangsters, gambles the money, loses it all, then drinks again...

Tony (Aaron Kwok) is a cocky drifter punk who likes to go around challanging Judo champs. He has a Van Damme smirk on his face. Think of his character as Ryu from "Street Fighter" -- he's just looking for a fight to test and better his skill...

Some girl (Cherrie Ying) plays a vagabond piece of ass hoping to go from Asian trash to Asian pop idol. She slurps noodles like a champ.

The three collide in a city filled with Judo masters, video gaming-gangsters and a bunch of other shit that you'd have to be real fucking high on drugs to understand.

From "All About Ah-Long" to "Fulltime Killer," Johnny To has proved that he's one of Asian Cinema's most talented and versatile filmmakers; even when he's pumping out 3 films a year, they look as if they were anything but rushed. Usually moderate in budget, his films seem rich in quality; their artistic camera angles (think crash course Chris Doyle) and wicked lighting techniques set the mood and hint that you're getting a feature packed with tender loving care and not some run of the mill cheapass Hong Kong flick.

I was excited when I heard about "Throw Down," a semi martial arts film that centers around "Judo," a fighting style that we rarely see on film - and now I know why; because this particular style is a bore when put in movies (lots of throw downs, hence, the title). But these Judo scenes, no matter how uninteresting they are, it's far from being a major problem. The real problem is the film itself. IT SUCKS, plain and simple. Sorry to sound vague, but seriously, this has got to be one of the worst films I have seen in the last few years. I mean, what kind of fucking Tsui Hark wet dream is this? And what's this "A salute to Akira Kurosawa" crap (as mentioned in the film's credits)? Well, thank God the late Akira Kurosawa isn't alive to see this movie. In fact, it probably would have been the cause of his death if screened during his final months!

Okay, there are a couple of situational scenes that are somewhat amusing and witty (one, involving bathroom stalls), but they come and go - then disappear for good - and there's no way they can hold this mess together. Of course, the leads (Louis Koo, Aaron Kwok and Cherrie Ying) give their all, but their performances are useless in a movie like this.

I do appreciate all the style and pizzazz that warrants "Throw Down" as a hip Johnny To film; if I said the film didn't look fantastic cinematically, I'd be lying. But overall, anyone who thinks "Throw Down" is a great film dug waaaaaay too fucking deep for a reason.

A Poison Clan sifu feels death fast approaching, and begins to worry that five of his former pupils may be using their lethal skills for all the wrong reasons, so he sends Yang Tieh, a green but very loyal student, to investigate their activities. The problem is, the names and faces of these pupils remain secret. The teacher knew them only by the fighting styles in which he schooled them, each related to a poisonous (or at least "icky") animal of some kind, and during their training, they wore Chinese opera-style masks. The five students are as follows:

CENTIPEDE (Lu Feng): adept at overwhelming the enemy with raw, blinding speed
SNAKE (Wei Pai): a flexible fighter who lashes out at vital areas with his fingertips with plenty of power and precision
SCORPION (Sun Chien): mimics the strength and crushing power of the animal's pincers
LIZARD (Kuo Choi/Philip Kwok): highly agile, with the unique ability to cling to sheer surfaces and thus attack from advantageous positions
TOAD (Lo Meng): packed with brute force and immune to many attacks thanks to rock-hard skin

In the hands of a lesser director, this premise probably would have led to little more than a series of battles in which Yang Tieh finds some clever way to eliminate the other Poison Clan students one by one, then walks off into the sunset with some bimbo on his arm. Happily, that's not even close to how it works out. Although it is established in the early going which one(s) has/have turned bad and which one(s) has/have not, Yang Tieh's quest to unveil the identities of his master's former disciples before a cache of treasure can be claimed by the villainous one(s) makes for a very enjoyable film despite the slightly restrained action content. The last fight is well done, but don't expect a whole lot aside from that.

No women in this movie. Stag kung fu, I guess. The role of Snake was supposedly intended for a woman, but for one reason or another it went to Wei Pai instead.

Subsequent "Venoms" movies used the same stars in different stories and roles with varying degrees of success, and the bunch of them eventually moved on to other things. Probably the most well known is Philip Kwok, who, besides appearing on camera in a number of films, directed "Ninja in the Deadly Trap" and choreographed stunts and fight scenes for films as diverse as Hard Boiled, Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky, Tomorrow Never Dies, and Brotherhood of the Wolf (God bless that man). Director/co-writer Chang Cheh, as you probably know, passed away in June of 2002, leaving a large and impressive kung fu filmography behind him.

"Poison Clan rocks the world!"

Ok enough about bashing the film - despite some minor flaws, this was actually a pretty good movie for the most part. The two main characters: Ekin Cheng and the almost always flawless, Lau Ching Wan, were superb in their kind of "reversal of power" roles they established throughout the film. I was really surprised by Ekin's acting - it was pretty good, almost better than his Young and Dangerous roles. Chingmay Yau's part in the film was also fairly good, but kind of left us wanting her to go away towards the latter half of the movie, as she turned into a drug addict. The cute little girl ,who was the daughter, had some very memorable and shocking scenes in the movie.

What got me was how everything molded together : story, characters, setting, action and "triad themes", to make for an above average HK production. This movie won't be on many top ten lists or become a movie to watch over and over but it is a pretty fun ride the first time through. If you want to watch this movie, ignore the title and don't' expect much then you may find it entertaining - otherwise, you may just think of it as a bunch of Wong Jing crap! Good but not great.

Akira Kurosawa is what I refer to as a "sacred cow" director (others include Ingmar Bergman and Wong Kar Wai). To suggest that any of his films is anything less than perfect in every way is to be labeled a blasphemer by all sorts of people. People generally being untrustworthy and despicable creatures, this is of no consequence to one such as myself, and it is without apology that I consider this film to be........well, actually it's very good, but still overrated.

This three and a half hour tale of desperate farmers recruiting wandering samurai warriors to protect them from (a.k.a. "annihilate") a band of forty marauding bandits has a scope and sense of heart and soul that few modern films can hope to match in spite of (or perhaps because of) its fairly straightforward storyline. Though its length is staggering, it does not suffer from excessive pacing problems or any significant amount of sheer monotony. Still, it definitely FEELS like three and a half hours. The film is interesting enough to draw you in and make you feel like a part of the world in which it takes place (you may even believe that life really was black & white back then), but you may get a bit more anxious to leave than it would like you to as the conclusion inches ever closer.

Our dauntless heroes: Kambei, the wizened tactician (Takashi Shimura); Shichijori, his old right hand man (Daisuke Kato); Heihachi, the jesting vagabond (Minoru Chiaki); Kyuzo, the consummate swordsman (Seiji Miyaguchi); Gorobei, the impulsive well-wisher (Yoshio Inaba); Katsushiro, the idealistic youngster (Isao Kimura); and Kikuchiyo, the temperamental wild card (scene-stealing Toshiro Mifune). Their nefarious adversaries: ......uh......um.....a bunch of.....well....a bunch of, um, bad guys.

The best antagonists are always the ones with names, faces, and memorable lines and deeds. The bandits in The Seven Samurai have none of these things...well, OK, I guess they have faces on their skulls, but there's still nothing distinct about them (the bandits, not the faces). Rather than existing as a collection of individual characters, the bandits are a collective plot device. Aside from the film's very first scene, there are no segments that present their perspective or illustrate their reactions to the heroes' attempts to thwart them (except when the two factions are face to face). Of course, this is not a generic good guys vs. bad guys story, and, considering the length of the film, an argument could be made against more spotlight for the villains as this would only make the movie longer to the point of insufferability. But, considering how much time is spent recruiting the samurai and then getting them to the soon-to-be-besieged village, I think the film would have been better off if Kurosawa had cut back on the philosophy-laden dialogue and presented the additional point of view. On the other hand, philosophy-laden dialogue IS one of the things that makes a Kurosawa film a Kurosawa film. There's no easy answer. I'll just shut up about this whole issue.

Another related problem is character exposition for the samurai. For the most part, these guys aren't exactly bursting with personality. Kambei probably has the most screen time, Kikuchiyo is obviously Kurosawa's favorite, and Katsushiro is involved in one subplot too many. Gorobei, Heihachi, and Shichijori get somewhat shafted in the spotlight department while Kyuzo hovers between the two degrees of exhibition. This is not to say, however, that our septet of brave warriors don't have good chemistry together. They do. Kurosawa assembled a cast that seems to have a great sense of camaraderie, and that translates well to the screen.

The second half of the film is more involving than the first and is where the majority of the action takes place. By "action" I mean stuff happening, not just fighting, although there is a small amount of that, all of it brief and about as "un-flashy" as can be, for which it is all the more realistic. These scenes are largely devoid of the sound effects typically associated with scenes of swordplay.

Speaking of sound, the Criterion DVD only has a monaural track, which sounds like it's coming from inside a sealed cardboard box. Similarly, the picture is less than pristine and only comes full-frame. Perhaps these issues cannot be helped due to the age of the film, but there is precious little excuse for subtitle snafus like "Because somebody" instead of "Become somebody." I understand a restored version with new text is on the way.

If you have yet to see The Seven Samurai, don't watch the trailer first as it reveals things it shouldn't (and also promises "A FLAMING LOVE IN THE SHADOW OF DEATH!" Um...yeah). I stand by my belief that this film is not God's gift to cinema, but nevertheless it fully deserves much of the praise that has been heaped upon it and didn't spark a transcultural remake (The Magnificent Seven) by accident. It is a standard bearer, if nothing else. So be it.

Donnie Yen stars as So Chan, a member of the beggar clan (even though his dad is rich) who gets hooked on opium by a corrupt official and finds himself at odds with the heroic Wong Fei Hung (played, this time, by Wong Gok). The large supporting cast includes Sheila Chan, sporting a very fake-looking set of buck teeth, as Aunt Jean, a character so annoying that you'll want to skip every scene with her in it. Then there's Yiteh, So Chan's love interest and a sort of predecessor to Christy Chung's Tai Chi II character; far too big a deal is made of the fact that she has studied abroad and she tries to improve women's education in China while wearing an ugly hat. Far more interesting, as female characters go, are the women of The Red Lotus Cult, who casually start cutting people to ribbons whenever things don't go their way.

The whole thing resembles nothing so much as a combination martial arts/classroom drug scare film. So Chan's ignorance regarding the insidiousness of opium and the ease with which he succumbs to addiction result in him making a half-assed...no, ONE QUARTER-assed attempt to murder Wong Fei Hung ("Assassinator!", he yells), who is pushing a newfangled pill that eases the quitting process. Naturally, he sees the error of his ways after being sealed up in a drugless room (a la Trainspotting, but without the baby on the ceiling) and joins the anti-opium crusade soon enough. Straightforward battle is eschewed in favor of gimmick fights, like a seated duel involving an opium pipe (Wong Guk's hand catches fire, but he doesn't seem to mind) and a Red Lotus Cult member lashing out with her deadly ponytail (yet another Tai Chi II parallel).

Heroes Among Heroes is definitely one of Yuen Wo-Ping's lesser films, both as a director and a choreographer. The highlight is So Chan's dad indicating Aunt Jean and saying, "Look, she's just like a bitch." Little of the greatness displayed in Iron Monkey and The Tai-Chi Master (both of which were also 1993 productions...two out of three ain't bad, I guess) can be seen here. It's not as much of a bummer as the D.T.s, but still unworthy of high praise.

There were some other too-contrived-to-be-taken-seriously parts that detract from enjoyment of the movie. In two scenes (Wang Yu eating from the rice bowl and the inmates doing road work), the prisoners act with ridiculous cooperation. Unless every other reference to prison in the history of entertainment is a flat-out lie, the only respect these guys grant each other is reflective of how accommodating their assholes are. And how about the buxom lass with the flat tire? A bunch of hardened criminals (oh, man...bad choice of words...) see a woman for the first time in years, wearing a wet blouse, and instead of gang-banging her they elect Sammo to change her tire while she seeks shelter from the rain. What the fu**!!! Plus, the damn music sucks. Hey Jeff, do you know what movie they ripped it off from? More importantly, do you know WHY the fu** anyone would want to use vacuum cleaner noise like this a SECOND time??? How about some simple harmonica tunes? Economical AND realistic. Besides those factors, there was another that made it impossible to just relax and enjoy the movie: the conditions under which it was made. Those of you who have read the JC Quiz (or the rest of this review, for that matter) have probably noticed my sneering contempt for Jimmy Wang Yu (a.k.a. The Anti-Christ), or at least his style of "business". For those who don't know, Jimmy Wang Yu is an actor and producer who has strong ties with the Triads (Chinese Mafia). After Lo Wei made Jackie a marked man, Wang Yu stepped in on Jackie's behalf and made it safe for him to return to Hong Kong (after starring in the suicide-inducing Robert Clouse film THE BIG BRAWL). To pay off the debt he owed Wang Yu, Jackie appeared in a film he produced and hired Chu Yin-ping to direct: the abysmal FANTASY MISSION FARCE. Now, my own opinion is that Wang Yu should have been made an indentured servant to Chan for the rest of his worthless life after coercing him to participate in such a colossal waste of time, but that's beside the point.

After FANTASY MISSION FARCE, Wang Yu got into the practice of getting major Hong Kong actors to appear in his films by informing them that if they did, he would see to it that certain other members of the Hong Kong Triads would NOT break every bone in their bodies. I'm paraphrasing, of course, but you get the idea..."You think it's a silly film? Well, you're entitled to your opinion, but you're also entitled to your health, and the Triads over at Happyfu** Films might not see it that way." fu** you, asshole! Even if Wang Yu's intentions are good and even though this sort of thing happens frequently in Hong Kong, who in the name of hell-bent fu** appointed this cocksucker Guardian Angel of the Hong Kong Superstars? For those of you who still aren't getting the point, I HATE JIMMY WANG YU! JIMMY WANG YU MUST DIE!! DAMN JIMMY WANG YU!!! fu** HIM, fu** HIM, fu** HIM!!!! Well, anyway, the plot of this movie appealed to me enough so that I would love to see a remake of it...hell, as a future screenwriter and (hopefully) director, maybe I'll do it myself. And, since I've already got my version all figured out from the rest of this review, all I need now is $30 million or so to make it with! Unfortunately, the only probable way to get that kind of money quickly is to give James Cameron a blow job, and unlike every producer in Hollywood right now, I'm not willing to do that.

The Venoms star in this one, and though all of their previous films together had featured some comedy, none of them had it to this level. Unfortunately though, Chiang Sheng, usually the most humorous Venom, has a rather straight-laced part, and doesn't even show up until the last half hour. Lo Meng shines as a bean curd seller who learned Mantis Fist from a teacher whose name he never learned. Kuo Choi shows off his own comedic talents and acrobatic skills as a smart-ass waiter who doesn't mind stealing food from customers' plates. Kuo's kung-fu skills were taught to him by his dad, who showed Kuo how to fight with a bowl and chopsticks. Lo and Kuo are best friends, and spar with each other constantly, much to their respective bosses' dismay.

When injured Shaolin student Hung Sze-Kuan, the only escapee from Pai Mei's attack, shows up in Lo and Kuo's town, they take it upon themselves to heal him. Sun Chien joins them, as the expelled student of a local Shaolin school whose evil master rejected Hung Sze-Kuan's request for aid. The three drum up cash to buy the exotic potion required to heal Hung, stirring up the curiosity of Lu Feng and his henchmen.

Lu Feng plays his usual role, of course: cruel, evil, and deadly. He's Pai Mei's right-hand man, and he's been sent out to find and kill all Shaolin rebels. Joining him is a muscle head who wields a humorously-large hammer, a guy who fights with wooden shield and sword, a punk who wears metal hoops, and a couple other stooges. Lu himself wields a spear and carries a pair of miniature claws that come in handy for tossing at his victims. In one memorable scene, Lu and his companions take on a Shaolin rebel who refuses to give up.

The laughs come on consistently with Kuo, Sun Chien, and Lo Meng's parts, with Lu Feng giving the film it's moments of brutality. As the film continues, it takes on a more serious approach, with the final battle being the usual life-or-death Shaw Brothers climax. And it should be noted that this final battle is one of their best. It features the usual breath-taking acrobatics, combined with more weapons than I could keep track of. Spears, swords, chairs, tables, chopsticks, weird-looking blades, the works; just about everything's used.

Avenging Warriors of Shaolin is lighthearted through most of its running time, and provides a different look at the Venoms actors. I wouldn't say it's one of their best, as it quickly becomes apparent that most of the plot is just an excuse to set up the next fight sequence. This movie has more fights than any other Shaw Brothers movie I've seen. But it does feature two of the best fight sequences I've seen: the final battle, and the fight between the lone Shaolin warrior and Lu Feng's men.

In a final note, there are currently two releases of this movie available. There's the Ground Zero version, which goes by the name "Shaolin Rescuers," and has shots from the movie on the cover, and the Venom Mob version, which is called "Avenging Warriors of Shaolin," and for some reason has a photo of Gordon Liu on the cover. Both are the same length, and uncut. Opinion varies over which is better quality, but neither are pristine, and both were obviously dubbed off of a second or third-generation video. I bought the GZ version, as it's cheaper. However, this movie is so rare that I'd recommend purchasing either of the releases, as it's worth tracking down for the Venoms fan.

Fact #1: "The Chinese Boxer" was the first martial arts movie to embrace the "I must avenge my teacher" theme.

Fact #2: "The Chinese Boxer" was the first martial arts movie to feature bare-handed kung fu choreography. Before this, they were all [i]wushu[/i] style action sequences.

Fact #3: "The Chinese Boxer" was the first martial arts movie to feature a scene where one Chinese guy walks into a room full of Jap bastards and wipes their asses all over the floor.

These are some pretty crucial evolutions in kung fu cinema, folks. Yet, it's Bruce Lee who usually gets the credit for them.

But really, you can't blame anyone for wrongly giving Bruce the credit for this stuff. The thing with Wang Yu is, no matter how many one-armed films he makes; no matter how many eyeball sockets he pokes out; and no matter how many times he co-stars with George Lazenby, he'll never, ever match Bruce Lee's striking presence and intense skill.

It gets worse for Wang Yu. Even though he created highly influential kung fu films, he's still often called a "has-been" and is usually put in the same category as Bruce Le or Bolo; especially by those who are unaware of his important role in the industry. Even his "Master of the Flying Guillotine" (which he also wrote and directed) is one of the first martial arts "death tournament" films. Yet, few people connect his name to it.

Interestingly, Wang Yu went on to be a bad ass in his own right. While Bruce Lee swallowed a poisonous aspirin (planted in Betty Ting Pei's one-night-stand-purse by ninjas), Wang Yu went on to become a real life, high ranked triad member. There are even stories of how he single-handedly defeated a pack of rival gangsters during a bloody knife fight. He also supposedly saved Jackie from getting killed by Lo Wei's people (but that's another story).

Anyway, "The Chinese Boxer" (also known as Hammer of God) is pure entertainment, especially if you're in it just just for the action. It's colorful, corny (for example, Wang Yu kicking ass while wearing a surgical mask and rice-sack mittens on his fists) and filled with more quick cuts and extreme zooms than any chopsocky I've ever seen.

The brutality is all over the place. It's hard hitting and very bloody. The fight choreography by Tang Chia is of early 1970s quality, but nonetheless, it's interesting and doesn't bore.

The production is solid. Some of the wide angle shots were obviously influenced by Japanese samurai films and are stunning to look at.

The villains are cartoonish, charismatic and have Mortal Kombat-like abilities. At one point, a Japanese baddie (Lo Wei) jumps up and breaks through a ceiling-- then lands--for no apparant reason. The main villain's right hand man (Wang Chung) sports a sinister white-powdered face and his kung fu technique is plucking out people's eyeballs.

8/10