I honestly don't get where all this animosity for this film comes from. People diss it because the girl is small so many basically sign right here off as weak. Size is a factor in power. That I can't deny, but also so is proper technique. With good technique any sized individual can manifest amazing power beyond their stature. I'd love for you folks to question the power of the small man who taught me Muay Thai. I'm a good sport so I would totally call an ambulance for you after I finished laughing my ass off at what he did to you.

Allow me to be equal parts sexist and scientific. There is a greater need for suspension of disbelief in any movie were a small or average sized chick physically takes out grown men. Because that doesn't happen. Men are bigger, stronger and have higher endurance to physical trauma than women. Don't give me that damn look. I didn't make up physics. Look dat shit up. So basically if you hold any film where a woman is a complete badass in high regard, then on some level you too have disregarded reason in favor of entertainment. Good for you, that is what it's there for.

The martial arts choreography and delivery in this film are exemplary as well as extraordinary. Many critics have touted Jeeji Yanin as the female Tony Jaa, which isn't really fair to her as she does have her own distinct style and flair, though many of the large and daring moves do have that trademark Thai seal of approval like Tony's stuff.

Honestly, folks, why are you dissing the plot of this movie? Yeah, the story is kind of lame, but is that really why you are watching? It is disgraceful for any action junkie to disregard or blast on this movie. Top class fights and stunts keep this in a league of its own, but the yummy violence doesn't stop there. There's some rough and tumble gunplay in full effect. The shootouts don't have the dramatic flair of say a John Woo film, so you won't see any slow-mo, two-gun, dive through the air, exchange fire for five minutes type of jazz. No, the gunplay is more Quentin Tarantino styled--abrupt, gritty, and in your face. No stand-offs. Usually when you see a piece in this flick, cats are in the process of getting shot the fuck up.

Also toward the end there is a balls out, slash 'em up sword battle that gets the blood flowing. That sword battle is raw and intense. If I had it my way, every flick would have to incorporate at least one swordfight or end with a swordplay duel. Hell, I would have actually watched "The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants" if I knew at the end they all kill each other with swords. That I would pay to see. Again, don't give me that damn look.

Some folks also say that the heroine doesn't get to take on a decent challange in the flick. You folks are forgetting about Mr. Adidas: four eyes, short bus, break dancing heavy twitcher. He was wild and very enjoyable to watch with his break dancing Capoiera-fu. How was he not a worthy challenge?

I tried my best not to give up the coveted five star grand prize, but this bad little ass kicker earned it. Is the story groundbreaking and Oscar worthy? Nope. Is it perfect? Not really. But excellence in the desired arena can trump all that garbage. When a movie excels in certain areas to such a phenomenal degree, and it achieves the intended type of entertainment that it was striving for with utmost quality, then all our pretensions and over-analyses become meaningless, because we know we were entertained and that chances are we are going back for second and third helpings. You don't do that with bad or mediocre flicks. You do that with great movies.

In my opinion, this is the best bad ass chick flick, trumping the reigning champs, "Yes, Madam" and "Book Of Heroes". I defy any reviewer here to find or name a better ass kicking chick movie. If you disagree with this review I'm going to expect you to name-drop a better bad-ass chick flick. If you can't think of one and are of the collection of reviewers that clocked on this movie, then I'm going to ask you to reevaluate your feelings on this film and watch it again. You may have missed something. Something great. You know the name and the game's still the same. Keep it real, folks. Peace.

Let me begin by saying that I am not the biggest fan of MMA. I am very particular about the fights that I watch. I like Elite XC (Kimbo Slice rocks the house), WCL and those Hawaiian Super Brawls. My favorites are Shidokan, K1, WCL, and of course good old boxing.

For the most part I got beef with MMA in general but especially UFC. While it did start on some pretty real and 'bout it type shit, it degenerated into a a bunch of plumbers, truck drivers, red-necks and attention-starved jocks. Most mixed martial artists are not really martial artists at all, they're just jocks. If you spend three to five hours in the gym lifting weights and half an hour working on techniques and your entire arsenal is under 25 techniques (or at least that is all of the techniques that you understand well enough to apply), then you are just not a martial artist in my eyes. You ain't no warrior, son, you're a sportsman. Most of the martial artists that I know (myself included) have to spend several hours practicing just to maintain the multitude of techniques they/we know. Most MMA fighters' "combat system" is a hybrid style of heavily abridged Brazilian Jujitsu combined with the sorriest excuse for Muay Thai in existence. These fools don't know how to roll their hips, oompah, box lock and I've actually seen people let their opponets get out of rear naked chokes. Pathetic. However, on the flipside, if you manage to catch a match with two disciplined and devoted fighters you can see some of the best and most creative fights around. That being said, I think you're starting to get my whole love/hate thing with MMA. I guess I should get to the actual review.

Normally, I don't like to give any spoilers or plot summaries because I think only tools do that, but in cases like these I like to paraphrase the plots for the sake of insight, humor and sport. A young Tom Cruise has anger management issues and is forced to change schools after delivering an atomic wedgie to a rival football player. Maybe it was a haymaker cross, my memory is failing with age. Anyways, then young Tom Cruise relocates to a new school from a WB teen drama that is run by young Tyler Durdin. Girls are thrown in as plot devices and eye candy but none appear as characters. At a party young Tyler Durdin decides to check young Tom's nuts and then serves him an ass-whooping, securing his place as the antagonist. Ashamed and suffering from possible shrinkage, young Mr. Cruise is befriended by the token fanboy who takes him to the only one who can help him: the only established thespian in the film. The accomplished actor shows Tom the dangerous and barbaric ways of scientology so he can take on people who are as crazy as himself.

It was something like that. Look I had to clown on what we all wanted to clown on, but in all honesty this film is done quite well. Yeah, it is obvious to everyone that this is just a new-school, 21st century remake of "The Karate Kid", but it is handled in a proficient manner and features a protagonist that was a little more self-reliant and fearless than say a piss-ant Daniel-san who got everything dropped into his lap and still repeatedly got played throughout the series. The story and writing were straightforward, and while being nothing exceptional they proved to be fairly high quality and able to keep the attention. The performances were all actually quite good, and the story is filled with excellent messages about trust, friendship, perseverance, honor, discipline, pride, growing up and self discovery. Cinematography-wise this movie is very fun to watch and included some interesting and effective choices of shots especially during the fight sequences.

What about the fight sequences you ask? Not bad. Yes the kickboxing was half-assed, but the depiction of Brazilian Jujitsu was damn good, and I especially liked the freeze-frame shots of some of those throws and takedowns. The fights are very realistic and perhaps lack the flamboyance and aeshetics of Asian choreographed films, but for the sake of the story told I think it stands on its own well enough. I should also mention that I found the antagonist character to be pretty fascinating. He was really like a young and more damaged and malicious Tyler Durdin. Though he brutalizes, taunts, bullies and menaces the hero character, there feels like there is this underlying sliver of himself that seems to subconsciencely want to actually help the hero to become stronger and more of a warrior. It's some deep shit. I'm not being facetious right here, I mean it, the story and performances made this movie worth watching. The flashiest move in the movie (that makes contact) is a nicely permormed tornado roundhouse kick by "Tyler" and it's really sweet and ill when it happens. Beyond that it's just round kicks, push kicks, and generic boxing, but there is somewhat of a variety and it is fused well so it does manage to entertain.

Overall I was very impressed and enjoyed the movie quite a bit though I will admit this movie is not for everyone. "Never Back Down" is for a very specific audience. It is basically for teenage boys (which I am not) and certain types of martial arts practicioners (which I am) and action/combat junkies as well as anyone who doesn't have too much pride to give a decent movie a fair chance. Even if it is filled with a bunch of rich, pretty, spoiled, young and damaged crackers. No scenario is perfect.

I was cheated. I was robbed. Just about any amount of money you paid to see this movie that exceeds four U.S. dollars is a vicious ripoff. Was the fight sequence with the ladder phenomenal? Absolutely. Was that pretty much the only thing worthwhile in this flick? Absolutely. This movie brings shame to the immensely entertaining "Police Story" series by skimping on the fu and fight scenes. Of course there is an underwater fight at the end--meaning slow and lacking the type of dynamic aesthetics we have come to expect from a Jackie film. "First Strike" basically is a meandering, through-the-motions, on auto-pilot Jackie film. Perhaps I was mildly entertained at random throughout, but for the most part I just can't justify giving a movie that I only appreciated for one fight scene more than one and a half stars. Sorry but this is only for strict Jackie completists. I love Jackie just like you folks. That's why this film doesn't do it for me. He's better than that.

Do me a favor: at the next wedding you attend slap a bridesmaid on the ass during the ceremony. If you are questioned on this just tell them you got the idea from a bastard. Enjoy your movies, kids.

Of course we all realize that a film needs to have a well developed plot and characters as well as a diligent director to be of any true value, but, let's face it, some well placed and relevant sex and violence can always add a little more fun. Sue me for keeping it real. If you are about your crime-caper movies you need to check this out. This is an excellent film and is keeping in the tradition of highly entertaining crime/noir/caper flicks coming from the Brits.

RECOMMENDED VIEWING: If you dig this flick check out "Lock Stock And 2 Smoking Barrels","Snatch" and of course the truly bad-ass "Layer Cake". Gangster, bitches.

So let me get this straight. We the viewers never get to see the actual reality of this mythology, we only get to view various layers of "The Matrix". The story in its entirety takes place in a computer program that runs through "Neo's" mind. This destroys all of the grandeur of the movie and its overall significance by the simple fact that none of anything we see really happens and we don't know if any of the characters we see actually exist or if they are part of the program. Basically the film's meaning and credibility are now shot, so let's look at the "story" that played out in some dude's head. In the future a war breaks out between the last city of humans (who live near the center of the earth) and the machines that took over earth. How is this epic war for humanity concluded? Do the humans take the fight to the machines' territory and sabotage some vital junk to turn the tide (a la "Star Wars")? No. Is some brilliant plan established to gain the upper hand and thereby prove the resourcefulness and imagination of the human mind? Again, no. Perhaps the last city of Zion unites and against extraordinary odds defeats the overwelming adversary presenting the triumph of the human will and spirit? Afraid not. Or could it be that Neo steps his bitch ass up to the front lines in all his super powered glory and lays the smackdown on the machine invaders? Not even fucking close. Basically this war and movie are "concluded" with a peace treaty with cold, calculating, unfeeling, immoral machines. Doesn't that make perfect sense? Unfortunately they left out the complete ending of the movie that takes place five minutes later when the machines decide to just lie and attack the city of Zion when their defenses are completely down, thereby killing every last human.

What a great trilogy. Not only did they get us from behind storywise, they also left out that nice concentration of fu throwdowns that the previous two incorporated. Sure there were fights. Like three. The previous one had nine or so. The big end fight of Neo vs. Agent Smith always leaves me kind of on the fence. I wanted a little more fu but I did really enjoy all of the special effects and mid-flight Superman-style battling. Always good to see stuff getting broken. The man vs. machines battle was really good too, and it is because of these two big action sequences, the special effects and Collin Chou as Seraph that I don't just brand this punk ass flick with 0 star rating. The end result is a compost heap of overhyped Hollywood bullshit. As a movie, but especially as the end of a trilogy, it is the most incomprehensive crap that I have ever seen or heard of. It could have been the defining science fiction trilogy of this younger generation. But no, the ending killed it all and morphed the overall essence of the project into the ugly truth: we just watched a bunch of Keanu Reeves' flicks. Damn.

"The Matrix: Reloaded" delivered the goods in full. More dimension was added to the story when we find out that none of the characters or the story actually take place outside of the Matrix. Though this fact does devalue the reality and gravity of the entire series, this was the second film of the trilogy so that makes room for a more conclusive denouement in the third and final film...

You know I have actually heard some people say that there was not enough action in it. Wow, do those fools have some short attention spans or what?!? The movie is about 2 hours and 18 minutes. Roughly 18 minutes accounts for the credits and trailer at the end of the film, meaning the movie itself is about 2 hours. Approximately 1 hour of the movie is kung fu fights, shoot-outs and car chases. So about half of the movie is all-out action, while the other half focused on the plot and the many characters involved. As an added bonus, this one included something the first film didn't have. Actual martial artists!!! Collin Chou as Seraph (my favorite Matrix character), Daniel Bernhardt as an agent and all of the Merovengien's monkey boys were the real deal. There was some excellent choreography from Yuen Wo Ping that totally trumped the previous film and showcased a good variety from unarmed to weapon-based combat (Keanu handled those sai pretty damn well). The CGI stuff didn't bother me one bit because Keanu is not like us. He has not dedicated his life to advancing his martial capabilities, agilty and strength, so even with intense short training he can't pull off the junk that we have been working on for years. That being the case it was actually cool to see some really amazing kung fu in the form of well done CGI animation, and I also think that it was done in a fluid enough manner that it didn't disrupt the flow of those sequences. Besides you folks had no problems when Spiderman did it, so you should be fine with that stuff going down in the Matrix. This movie was great entertainment and contained all of the hallmarks of an engrossing and thought-provoking sci-fi classic. The actors were on point and the curvature of the path of the story was nicely done.

There is only one problem here. One major problem. This movie was almost perfect, but I had to deduct a half star for the fact that this film suffers from middle kid syndrome due to its status as the second film in the trilogy. The kid that came after this one fucked it up for everybody and ruined what could have been one of the greatest sci-fi tales ever told.

IN SUMMATION: Yeah, this film has caught a lot of flak because many "critics" feel it solidifies their own credibility if they bash a trilogy film that does well in the box office. Just like when everyone bashed the new "Star Wars" films. But guess what: they weren't that damn bad either. People are just jaded and prejudiced. Please, folks, don't take a perspective because you are lead to believe that you should, because then you are in someone else's control. If fools can tell you what to believe, what does that make you? But screw the soapbox, this movie is great and only marred by the sorry ass pile of crap that followed it. Worth adding to the collection.

Now let us evaluate the film as a "Yojimbo" movie. "Zatoichi Meets Yojimbo" is the final chapter in the path of Yojimbo. In his first appearance in the original "Yojimbo" he scams, outmaneuvers and out duels a whole damn town, so when you end a legendary tale like that with this garbage you are going to offend somebody. He is flat out played out in this flick. It is always offensive when they make an established knight a pawn.

If everything felt off, where could this lead? THE FINAL SHOWDOWN: $#!*motherf*&%$#@@#$@@$$!!!! So short, so weak, so not worth the damn wait. It is also necessary to mention that these two individuals that have previously been depicted as masters of their own destiny are transformed into mere victims of circumstance. This was also the case in "Zatoichi Meets The One-Armed Swordsman", but that was at least a better movie than this crap. This movie does have a few redeeming traits, such as decent performances, some alright fights and basic production values; but none of that fixes talent being completely wasted and stiffing the fans of what should have obvoiusly been an all time classic. If you are a "Zatoichi" or a "Yojimbo" completist then you might feel the need to own this movie just to complete the collection, but as I've stated I am a fan of both series and I sold my copy of this awhile ago because it just pissed me off too much. View at your own risk, but I would just move on to the other "Yojimbo" and many other "Zatoichi" films that are really worth your time.

Before I bail I'd like to remind you that if you shake it more than twice you're playing with it. Scream and yell obscenities when necessary. Later.

This was originally supposed to be a live action adaption of the video game "Tekken". What sense does it make to attempt to recreate the most realistic and technically accurate fighting video game (yeah, yeah, I know "Soul Calibur" is up there too) by abusing lines, CGI and trick photography?!? Why would you gather a cast with such promise to short-change us with minimal actual martial arts? These methods are all utilities of corporate bastardization. This is why the book is always better. Or the comic. In this case the video game. When will movie executives learn not to attempt to fix things that function at top levels without their interference? No one really adapts anything. They twist, distort, then recreate. This was also the case with the movie "I Am Legend", which is based on my favorite book of the same title. Nothing was the same except the title. It winds up feeling like these pretentious, arrogant assholes have enough cash powering them that they can somehow live with themselves after they go and piss on a true artist's masterwork. The movie industry can be quite shameless and "The Avenging Fist" is a good example of such. All flash, no substance. I was being nice with my rating, but to be fair the special effects (here and there, not all) are quite good and pretty unique, and some of the cinematography together with a few okay cast efforts pull it away from being absolutely worthless. Don't get it twisted, though, this movie is definitely ass. It was loosely based on "Tekken" and had Sammo Hung, Yuen Biao and Ekin Cheng--this shit should have been legendary but instead we got something that isn't even worth the first viewing. Don't bother, you'll kind of regret it. Oh, yeah, thinking of that movie reminds me, do me a favor: if you see someone with a mullet, punch them. Just for sucking. It's like doing a public service. If you have a mullet, cut that shit, you're embarrassing the rest of us who walk upright. I'll catch ya'.

This was one of those movies that wound up being a pain in the ass for me to acquire so everyone got to see it before me. It was worth the wait though. Thanks to one of my cats on this site I found out that the American title of this flick is "The Challenge" and that information alone made it easier to obtain. The plot, setting and fight frequency of this film are kind of like a combination of "Fist of the North Star" and "Fist of Legend". Very comic book like, in fact the US version is released by Dark Horse. The martial arts choreography was very enjoyable. German fu, I had to see it to believe it. Very sweet. Hell, I think it's cool any time that one of the main characters' trademark moves is a 720. The post-apocalyptic setting was a nice touch for the atmosphere of the film and, combined with the excellent kung fu (with some decent stick and staff combat included), a central message that is based in honor and duty, and a couple very beautiful women to behold this movie is quite the treat for the senses. I would recommend it to the very few of you left who haven't seen it yet and the even fewer of you folks who still trust my judgment.

Well that about does it, campers. 81 reviews, over 150 comments and I got to talk all the shit that I wanted to. It's been real. Thank you to many of you that have read and followed my stuff. F*** you to those of you who didn't or just didn't get it. I hope that all of you find what you are searching for in life. To Jay Lee, JV, Choco and others that I failed to mention--thanks a lot. You guys were awesome. Keep your blades sharp, players. Well, I said my piece. I'm out. BASTARD RONIN HAS LEFT THE BUILDING.

This is possibly the Grandmaster and reigning champ of all bad ass chick flicks. Michelle Yoeh is mesmerizing and exibits the traditional fearless nature of a stunt performer at their peak. Her stunts and fights throughout this movie are second to no man.

We also get to see Cynthia Rothrock at arguably her finest. Everthing about her was so much better in her Hong Kong movies. Her kicks were sharper, her movements were more fluid, and then she came back home to unleash an endless string of B movies that would never even come close to capturing her amazing ability like her efforts that were "made in China". (Lead free.)

Then we got the man himself, Tsui Hark, who delivers a good performance as one of the main hoods who are clearly in over their heads.

This movie brings it all together and entertains on more than one level. The humor is pretty good and the action and fight/stunt choreography are all completely Hong Kong A-game stuff. This movie makes "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" look like playground antics. If you are about the tough chick flicks, this movie is a must-own.

Now I must be off to help old ladies in their eternal struggle to cross the street. They are usually so thankful that they don't notice that their purses are missing...

Well, I think I may have stumbled onto something that is one of the more enjoyable recent offerings that is not made in Asia or by the Stunt People, though it does star stunt people. See what I did there? Now I'm just fuckin' with ya'. "Underground" wound up being quite a treat. It is basically a bunch of fight scenes that are strung together and divided by a passable yet standard tournament theme and some pretty decent narration. I was surprised that some of the dramatic scenes were done as well as they were considering that most of the cast mainly had experience doing stunts and not really any big starring roles. The fights were sharp and engaging though at some times inconsistant. Man, that is the biggest dude that I have ever seen perform a butterfly twist!

You will get everthing the box promises: no camera tricks, no wires, just REAL BRUTAL ACTION. And it feels great. They actually manage to hit you with a few curve balls and of course the stuff that you were expecting. I think the end fight could have had a few more goodies, but all in all it was a very fun and violent piece of entertainment and I would recommend it to anyone who's into that sort of thing. Very nutritious. Goes well with strawberries or beer.

"Cloverfield" is packed with high energy thrills and unyielding momentum. The story told is very simplistic, but that may add to the classic qualities of this feature. This is the best monster movie that I have seen in years. It even trumps "The Host", which is no small feat. You got a little something for everybody: action, excitement, drama, and humor. I know the whole shaky-cam thing did bother a lot of folks, but honestly I thought it was a very good device for the whole movie as it added to the frantic nature of the film while grounding it in a gritty and realistic manor that almost seems to give the monster that much more credibility.

FINAL SUMMATION: This flick is more fun than you can have with a German shepherd, a hooker, and a whole jar of peanut butter. Go check this one out. Highly entertaining, you won't be let down. Now, I got to bolt. I have to fly a 747 to England in 20 minutes and this whiskey isn't going to drink itself.

"China Strike Force" is an oddball throwback to the glory days of Hong Kong cop actioners with a new school twist and a touch of Americanized compost. In fact the movie is in English even though that is not the native dialect of over half the cast. And it shows. The acting was, let's say, slightly less than serviceable. Oddly enough, Coolio wound up delivering his lines pretty well and was funny more intentionally than not, unlike some of his co-stars. And of course there's Mark.

Mark Dacascos is always a pleasure to watch--his acting is halfway decent and his martial arts skills are A-list quality. It's kind of a bitch that he never really blew up the way he should have. But isn't that always the way? JCVD gets famous and he bites. Pop stars and Hollywood megastars get highly funded kung fu vehicles and they are all undeserving. But what of Mark Dacascos, Ernie Reyes Jr., Scott Adkins, and Brad Allen (and many others)? Where are their big contracts for major action movies? Someone or something out there controlling the cosmic balance has the most twisted sense of humor. I mean, think about it. John Lennon: shot and killed; Martin Luther King, Jr.: shot and killed; Ronald Reagan: shot and wounded, survived. What kind of shit is that?!? People, we must protect the balance if God won't. Live your lives with some degree of honor and stay vigilant. Hopefully we can protect what is sacred.

Whoa, sorry about that folks, I'm starting to wear this soapbox out. Before I shot out into left field I think we were dicussing a movie of some kind. Right? So, "China Strike Force" is inconsistant in the acting department and plain and standard on the whole plot thing, but how is the action? Pretty good, actually. Stanley Tong always seems to craft some kinetic fights with high energy, and this movie is no exception as we are given some very functional choreography. The previously mentioned Mark Dacascos gets to shine in this arena. While he only really gets two fights and is basically gypped out of the end fight, he still gets to show off his goods with style, grace, and power. The stunts are well done, but despite the enjoyable action there are still lags here and there due in part to poor direction and choppy acting. The end fight was kind of disappointing as well. Though it had a definite element of danger, it did not have the pace or quality of the rest of the fights.

Overall I did enjoy it and I would say it is worth checking out, but it won't necessarily become one of your favorites. Thanks for the time. Stay up on the down. I got stuff to do but we'll catch up.

If you don't have it, I would give it my highest recommendation; and if you do have it, you should probably watch it at least once every year to keep good company with a well crafted story. Thanks for the time, campers, I got to peel.

Only two things stop me from giving this a perfect rating. #1: As you may know already, it just twists my panties up when Hollywood makes these martial arts flicks and seem to forget to cast martial artists for the lead roles. This can often depreciate the spectrum of suspension of disbelief, but thankfully we have Yuen Wo Ping and Zoe Bell to smooth out those rough edges. #2 This movie is volume 1, meaning that it is one half of a movie and other issues and factors of volume two affect this movie as a result. I have several problems with volume 2 but we will get into that another time. Here is a little taste: Why the fuck does she bother going through all the trouble to get this dope ass, high quality sword for a five second sword fight that ends with a hokey "secret kung fu technique"?!? Her final battle with Bill was insulting. She didn't even need a sword to take on Krusty the Bill and she could have just shot up the "House of Blue Leaves" or whatever so why get the sword? But, alas, I digress. I definitely think that volume one is much better than volume two but I'm a samurai man myself (like you couldn't tell) so I can see how those cowboys out there might disaree with me.

As a film on its own that stands on an unanswered cliff hanger I give it 4.5 stars, but if I were to grade it as a whole including volume 2 I would give it 3.5 stars for the simple fact that the second act (much like "Battle Royale 2") disregards all of the sensibilities of the first act. I know that was the point but it was still annoying.

FINAL SUMMATION: Very enjoyable and energetic genre meld (it's a crime noir/kung fu/samurai/revenge/dramedy). The bloody end battles will keep you giddy for hours after viewing. Entertaining and worth every cent. Quentin cranks out quality. Repeatedly. Get it if you don't got it; you will have fun. Thanks for the time. I'll be at you.

TWENTY MOVIES THAT KICK THE SHIT OUT OF "CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON" IN EITHER MARTIAL ARTS OR OVERALL GRANDEUR: (in no particular order)

1. "Seven Samurai"
2. "Once Upon A Time In China"
3. "Fist Of Legend"
4. "A Man Called Hero"
5. "Seven Swords"
6. "In The Line Of Duty 4"
7. "Tom Yum Goong"
8. "Ong Bak"
9. "Iron Monkey" (the Tsui Hark one)
10. "Prodigal Son"
11. "Enter The Dragon"
12. "Blade Of Fury"
13. "Hero" (Jet Li)
14. "Dragons Forever"
15. "SPL"
16. "Dragon Tiger Gate"
17. "Lone Wolf And Cub" (all of them)
18. "Versus"
19. "Duel To The Death"
20. "Star Wars" (again, all of them)

There are many moments of creative brilliance and comedic excellence, yet it still maintained a good amount of homage content. Completely needed for a complete Asian film collection if only to see soccer balls get jump-spin-kicked. All around fun. And it's that good kind of humor that just makes you feel good inside like when you watched Paris Hilton go to jail.

About a couple of weeks back I sat down to watch two movies: "The Shepherd: Border Patrol"--the most recent (to my knowledge) Jean Claude Van Damme straight-to-DVD offering (he was a big martial arts/action star from the 80's and early to mid 90's); and "In The Name Of The King"--a sword and sorcery flick that was based on a role playing game and stars Jason Statham (a British actor, not a martial artist). Guess which one was a better martial arts movie. Very good, you folks have a good sense of build-up. It shouldn't have surprised me, though (in all honesty, I didn't realize that Tony Ching directed the choreography of "In The Name Of The King" before I watched it, so, yeah, that was an unfair advantage). I mean, I used to be a big Van Damme fan--when I was twelve. I got older, my martial arts repertoire got broader and better. His didn't. I found myself capable of doing all kinds of nifty shit that I don't think Brussels boy has even dreamed of. After that, Jean Claude's generic and static "style" just lost all of its draw. I just couldn't become one of those folks waiting for the next straight to video JCVD flick all complacent and shit with the same eight goddamn kicks he has been recycling year after year. In a lot of ways I have Jean Claude Van Damme to thank for turning me to Asian cinema for better stuff. It made me the bastard I am today. Thanks, dude.

Do you know how that fool got his big break? He approached a producer of b movies and kicked over the man's head and told the gullible bastard that he was a European kickboxing champ! Years later the investigative television show, Hard Copy, did a show on his authenticity. Turns out he has never been a kickboxer or a kickboxing champion sanctioned by anybody. Ever. Like it took half-assed journalism to tell a world full of martial artists that no man who throws a punch like a little, blind girl could ever hold a kickboxing title. Sorry folks he's just a ballerina that took some karate lessons back in the day. And he may or may not have done some gay porn at one point. Oh, and he definitely got his ass kicked by a biker/stuntman in public once. While we're on it, the man can hold a kick in the air but he has no control whatsoever. Numerous co-stars from his movies have stated on many occasions that during filming Jean Claude would actually hit them during takes. Often. He has also blinded a stuntman in one eye while filming a knife fight in the movie "Cyborg" due to (at least in part) the fact that he has had no formal training in any type of knife fighting. I'm not making this shit up. The man is a fool. Call him what you want, but that asshole ain't no martial artist.

But I've ranted quite a bit, so let's talk about this flick. It's what you should probably expect. Generic. Isaac Florentine tries to do the whole spagetti western thing with the music, cinematography and pacing. He doesn't nail--at all. The fights were not that bad, but I found myself constantly waiting for Scott Adkins to come and whoop somebody's ass, but it wasn't happening often enough. Honestly the fights did get kind of fun, but there are just not enough of them to save this turkey.

I was pretty generous with my rating and to be honest I'm not entirely sure why. Maybe I saw something in it that entertained me in a funny way. Maybe I live too close to power lines. Who knows, but I say grow up in style. Put "Time Cop" in the closet so it doesn't get some of its lame funk on "Super Cop" by sitting next to it in the cabinet. Don't get me wrong though, Jean Claude Van Damme has made some pretty entertaining flicks, but he should have quit a long time ago.

TEN VAN DAMME MOVIES THAT ACTUALLY ROCK:

1. "Bloodsport"
2. "No Retreat,No Surrender"
3. "Universal Soldier"
4. "Hard Target"
5. "Lion Heart"
6. "Cyborg"
7. "Kickboxer"
8. "Double Team"
9. "Double Impact"
10. "Death Warrant

This is my favorite Andrew Lau movie hands down. Maybe it's because I love comic books or something, but this film really appeals to me. It's very dark and moody with beautiful fantasy action. Loaded with interesting characters, wild special effects and a decent amount of martial arts. This is one of those grand fantasy movies where the line flying and special effects didn't bother me or detract from the movie, in fact they were necessary and enhanced the experience entirely. While I do dig "Storm Riders" and "The Duel", this will always be the one that stands out the most to me. Truly epic. This should have been a trilogy. Just about as cool as "Star Wars". I'm just sayin'.

STUFF THAT KICKS ASS: Ninjas with elemental super powers. Classic. Man with no arms who kicks like a hell raiser. Classic as well. Showdown on the statue of liberty that leaves the old girl looking like she got mugged by the jolly green giant. Wild, just wild.

MY CLOSING STATEMENTS BEFORE I GO GET SOMETHING TO EAT: This movie rocks and will appeal to fans of comics, fantasy and various old school classics.

The real eye catcher of this flick is Brad Allen. He is a member of the Jackie Chan stunt man team and has two stand-out, high quality throwdowns with the Chan-man himself. These battles resonate with the energy and sharpness of the classic Jackie vs. Benny "The Jet" fights.

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE SLICK AND FAMOUS: There is a dope fight involving Jackie, some guys and bunch of baseball bats. Nice. Brad Allen is still an unknown and it's a shame, because with his clean technique and fierce agility he can probably hang with all the big boys. In the end fight versus Jackie, Brad executes a jumping QUADRUPLE front kick! No strings attached. Seriously.

FINAL WORDS FROM A BASTARD: Ignore the lame love story and get it because you like to see people kick and punch each other. And that is your right. Power to the people! I need more coffee, I'm losin' it over here...

WHAT TO EXPECT: Interesting and visually stimulating special effects and action sequences; Sci-fi high-tech mumbo jumbo; camp-like, silly performances (Jason Stathom turns in his worst acting performance to date with an "American" accent that changes with his every line!); inconsistent writing (good ideas and bad ideas all living together comfortably nestled in the protective castle of Hollywood money); and craptacular music (this new school brand bang-your-head to-the-wall and lose some I.Q. so you can really like it puke).

WHAT NOT TO EXPECT: Oscar quality anything; wall-to-wall kung fu fighting; any actual chemistry between characters.

STAND OUT MOMENTS AND COOL STUFF: Getting to see Jet Li perform authentic Bagua and Xing Yi on the big screen, especially since you don't get to see many internal styles used for choreography in modern action flicks. Neat. Yulaw (Jet li's character) can apparently move so fast that he can knock one individual into the air and take out other combatants before finally returning his attention to his skyward opponet and crescent kicking him out of the air at what seems to be a leisurely pace for this super villain. Unfortunately, moments later, when he is running at top speed on the street it looks as though he is struggling to maintain a speed of what seems to be no faster than people can go (they try and throw you off by showing him run by cars but they are all moving extremely slow). And, of course, Jet Li vs. Jet Li. No clone wars required.

SHOULD I CHECK IT OUT? Sure. I mean, as long as you want to see something fun and mindless and you are prepared not to be overly critical. Not for everybody, but if an open mind is kept it can probably entertain most.

"Enter The Dragon" put kung fu on the map in a big way. It was also the first real mixed martial arts movie--and I mean real mixed martial arts, not this new wave, hybrid Brazilian Jujitsu mixed with half-assed kickboxing, cage fighting, don't-know-how-to-throw a clean technique to save my life, jock bullshit. No, I mean an early melding of expert martial artists from all over the world with the most fluid mixture of masterful choreography. The film put to use more martial arts than you can shake a stick at, such as boxing, Hapkido, Wing Chun, Jeet Kune Do, Shotokan, Tae Kwon Do, Judo, and Jujitsu, just to name a few. This movie reigns supreme with some of the best fight scenes put to film--some that have not been matched or topped (like when Bruce clowns Bob Wall like he was a Girl Scout).

But that's all just personal bias. Let's look at it from a technical aspect. There were excellent acting performances across the board. Quality direction (thanks, Bruce) and a story chock full of espionage, gambling, womanizing, and noir-esque shady, stand-out characters. It stands as the original template for all tournament fighting movies that followed but is infinitely more quotable. In fact it is one of the most quotable movies of all time. Filled with dope lines like: "Why doesn't somebody pull out a forty-five and, bang, settle it?" and "Man, you come right out of a comic book", or the classic, "Boards don't hit back", as well as countless others. Many folks have stated in the past how Jim Kelly was the "token black guy" of the movie, but I got to say I'm not feelin' that. Jim Kelly was just more of a stand-out bad-ass with his own slick and pimp vibe. If anything, John Saxon was the "token white guy". The first time you see that cat in a flashback he is playing golf. He loves to scheme and gamble. And the first time he is offered some women he wants the one that wasn't even offered. And he gets her. Token white guy. He was quite the player though, with his always-too-smooth trademark line: "Wanna bet?" There you go, another memorable quote.

All in all, I say this movie truly stands the test of time and exudes such a rich level of quality that I enjoy watching it every time that I do. I have probably seen this movie about 45 (or more) times in the last 25 years. My last viewing of it was about a couple of months ago, and I can't wait to see it again. This is truly landmark entertainment at its finest.

What's wrong with you folks? I see that this movie has gotten some half- and one-star ratings. That tells me that some of you folks aren't bothering to rate these movies properly. This is a martial arts film and should be graded accordingly. There should be no reason that you would score this material on the same scale of measurement as, say, "Titanic". Genre should ALWAYS be factored into your reviews. Would you subtract points if you saw a horror movie with too much blood? Were you looking for a believable and relatable movie when you watched "The Lord of the Rings"? Every movie is an artistic vision that attempts to entertain while striving to achieve something that is usually case specific. Martial arts movies are for people who like martial arts. Period. This type of entertainment is catered to a specific audience that wants a specific type of action. That is why you watch a kung fu flick: for the kung fu! If you think that the movie's plot, story, directing or acting are poor in this type of movie, then you probably shouldn't deduct more than a half to one star. You didn't come for the other crap, you came for the fu. Unless you are a moron. Then you can perform any task in any irrational manner that you see fit; but if you are going to review movies for consumers that are educated and involved with their interests, then you better know what the hell you are talking about. Leeway should be given to the suspension of disbelief factor of horror, sci-fi, fantasy, and martial arts movies. Acknowledge the purpose or goal of the movie before you condemn or praise it.

Now that I have ranted and bitched let me get to giving this movie a fair and reasonable review.

Yes, the drama in this movie is somewhat repulsive, as is the "love interest" in the film. The story did suck, but seeing as how this is a kung fu flick (see what I did there?), I have deducted a half star. The hardest part about grading this particular movie is trying to perceive what the filmmakers were trying to achieve. I personally feel that the people involved in making this movie lost sight of what they were trying to achieve by ineffeciently blending too many themes that don't belong together (melodrama, kung fu, crime, Shakespearian tragedy). For this reason I deduct another half star.

Now for the part of the grading process that is far more relevent. How was the fu? Pretty awesome...to a fault. I find myself having a similar dilemma as I had with "Romeo Must Die", but on a much milder level. The fights and choreography are excellent and very kinetic, but a lot of them seem to end with some big, flamboyant wire-assisted jump-spin-kick. This is annoying because this winds up being the punctuation mark to each altercation which can taint the feeling of the whole fight and devalue it on some level. In almost all of the cases that the wire is used it is pretty much not even necessary. I'm pretty sure Wu Jing can perform a 720 with an air stance (finishing technique of the first fight) without the aid of lines. Wires make moves look fake. Kung fu is real, baby. Why bother with the lines if the performer can do the technique without? Why go out of the way to make it look hokey? Though the lines are used sparingly, I still had to deduct half a star due to the off-putting nature of their use.

FINAL SUMMATION: This is a very good kung fu flick with a bad plot and some annoying characters. So what? You got about fifty of these in your collection already. I say go for it. You will like it as long as you know why you are watching it.

Like a scrotum, here it is in a nutshell: "The Matrix" was pretty damn brilliant fare. It dipicted a very involved and thought-provoking mythology and was, in my opinion, sci-fi at its finest. It was possibly the first big-budget Hollywood movie to show off Hong Kong style action/kung fu to western audiences, so it does deserve some props for that alone. On that front Yuen Wo Ping orchestrated some of the most nicely choreographed screen fights in Hollywood history and made some soft, pampered actors look like able screen fighters. I kind of dig how the flying triple front kick was utilized as a sort of trademark kick for Neo. This movie has a lot going for it, from good performances to awesome action scenes to creative and distinct story devices; it's almost a perfect movie.

Except...

The critic in me must deduct a half star because it is part of a trilogy, meaning that it is one part of a whole story and the ending (though a different movie individually) has a bearing on the whole story as the concept's integrety is called into question. As the ending of the story ("The Matrix; Revolutions") sucks immensely, the entire purpose and paradigm of the whole story suffers because that is the conclusion of the mythology. The martial artist in me must deduct half a star for the simple fact that Hollywood decided to make a big budget sci-fi/action/kung fu movie and didn't bother to hire a single legitimate martial artist to portray any of the main characters. That just pisses me off.

Anyways, overall it is an excellent and entertaining piece of cinema history. Not quite the classic it can be played out to be but still highly worth it. Glad I could help. Now, remember to be wary of strange phone calls. Actually, maybe you should make a few.

Let me start off delicately so I don't infuriate the children. This movie ain't sh**. An overhyped bowl of average soup always tastes the same: salty. Everyone seems to talk about the extraordinary action and martial arts choreography being of the highest caliber. What a bunch of bull. I can't speak for you folks, but personally I like my wire fu with more fu than wire, not the other way around. The action is ludicrous, gravity defying, irrational slop. Yuen Wo Ping has put together a bunch of brilliant art in his day, but this is not of that grouping. Three expert martial artists/thespians (Jet Li, Yuen Biao, Michelle Yeoh) are completely wasted and are used as yo-yo's instead of the skilled athletes they are. The story and characters are very typical and there is nothing truly exceptional about this film.

Now that I have pissed my name in the snow, let me address the flipside of the coin. Don't get it twisted--I don't believe this movie sucks, I just think that it is one of the, if not the, most overly embellished kung fu films around. "The Tai Chi Master" does have many redeeming traits. The story, while standard, was presented well; the characters had pretty good chemistry; and a few of the action sequences did show a spark of character (it was cool to see Jet and Yuen use a Shaolin staff style with brooms). So overall, yes, the film is enjoyable; but it is not a classic and in my opinion should not be regarded as such. Like I insinuated in the beginning of my review, this movie is best for wuxia and Jet Li fanatics.

Don't give me that look. I love wuxia and Jet Li too, but these days for me to get a real thrill I got to go wireless. You have no idea how long I have been holding that in. Please direct all complaints and outbursts to the nearest brick wall.