See, things have changed a lot since I came up, especially in movies. Between extreme amounts of CGI, wires, "star power", and blatant commercialism, films these days (especially martial arts films) have basically lost sight of the essentials. "Black Belt" brings back that absolute sense of what is essential. It replays that classic theme of colleages/brothers/students that go their opposing ways to discover their own personal paths. This theme was popular in a bunch of old school kung fu flicks and some cop/triad flicks from the 90's. The most recent case of this plot device that comes to memory is "Tai Chi Master". This device is used perfectly for this film and produces a necessary contrast to appreciate the finer philosophical aspects that occur both subtly and obviously throughout the movie. A true zen film. It's so zen it hurts. It's all about that ol' "my path is my path because it is the path set before me" crazy phunk.

The fights were amazing. It was the most pure karate that I have seen in any movie or show ever. The precision and expert proficiency of every fighter is showcased beautifully and brutally. It was the best and most authentic karate movie that I have seen. Period. When we conjure up thoughts of karate movies we probably think of Sonny Chiba or Jim Kelly. Perhaps even the "Karate Kid" movies and, let's face it, all those ninja movies that we watched in the 80's were basically karate flicks. I'm not sure Japan really got a chance to make a truly authentic and original karate movie since the 80's due to the whole Hong Kong style action craze that hit around '99. After that Japanese action and martial arts movies transformed into a complete mixed bowl of martial arts, boxing, gymanstics and various dance movements--basically a wanna-be Peking opera performer style. Technically this change over probably started in the late 70's.

Because of these trends in choreography and movies, we had not really been given a chance to see how good a true and pure karate movie could be. I needed a movie like this to come along and show me that great films are still being made and that using themes that may be somewhat old can be used in such refreshing ways that it revitalizes the genre.

"Black Belt" will probably be many things to many people. For some it is a powerful drama, for others it will be the best samurai film they have seen in a long time, and to many others it might be just another martial arts flick--but hopefully at least an exceptional one. For me it is to karate what "Ong-Bak" is to Muay Thai, what "Prodigal Son" is to Wing Chun" or what "Throw Down" is for Judo. It displayed its method in a way that we felt, understood and appreciated with masterful class and diligence. "Black Belt" is a good example of the whole reason why I watch movies in the first place. I want to be taken away to another world and shown fascinating things. I wasn't disappointed here. A great storyteller/philosopher once said that a journey has little do with where you are heading but more to do with what happens on the way. This film embodies that sentiment. A drink to good journeys!

Stuff you might think or say when you watch this movie:

1. Damn, Taikan is a bad-ass.
2. Damn, Giryu is a bad-ass.
3. That was the sickest reverse punch that I have ever seen!
4. Ooooo!
5. That was some pretty deep shit.

Well, thanks for playing, folks. Tune in to next week's show when we will bring little Billy back from the grave using only tic tacs and a copy of the Necronomicon.

I honestly don't get where all this animosity for this film comes from. People diss it because the girl is small so many basically sign right here off as weak. Size is a factor in power. That I can't deny, but also so is proper technique. With good technique any sized individual can manifest amazing power beyond their stature. I'd love for you folks to question the power of the small man who taught me Muay Thai. I'm a good sport so I would totally call an ambulance for you after I finished laughing my ass off at what he did to you.

Allow me to be equal parts sexist and scientific. There is a greater need for suspension of disbelief in any movie were a small or average sized chick physically takes out grown men. Because that doesn't happen. Men are bigger, stronger and have higher endurance to physical trauma than women. Don't give me that damn look. I didn't make up physics. Look dat shit up. So basically if you hold any film where a woman is a complete badass in high regard, then on some level you too have disregarded reason in favor of entertainment. Good for you, that is what it's there for.

The martial arts choreography and delivery in this film are exemplary as well as extraordinary. Many critics have touted Jeeji Yanin as the female Tony Jaa, which isn't really fair to her as she does have her own distinct style and flair, though many of the large and daring moves do have that trademark Thai seal of approval like Tony's stuff.

Honestly, folks, why are you dissing the plot of this movie? Yeah, the story is kind of lame, but is that really why you are watching? It is disgraceful for any action junkie to disregard or blast on this movie. Top class fights and stunts keep this in a league of its own, but the yummy violence doesn't stop there. There's some rough and tumble gunplay in full effect. The shootouts don't have the dramatic flair of say a John Woo film, so you won't see any slow-mo, two-gun, dive through the air, exchange fire for five minutes type of jazz. No, the gunplay is more Quentin Tarantino styled--abrupt, gritty, and in your face. No stand-offs. Usually when you see a piece in this flick, cats are in the process of getting shot the fuck up.

Also toward the end there is a balls out, slash 'em up sword battle that gets the blood flowing. That sword battle is raw and intense. If I had it my way, every flick would have to incorporate at least one swordfight or end with a swordplay duel. Hell, I would have actually watched "The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants" if I knew at the end they all kill each other with swords. That I would pay to see. Again, don't give me that damn look.

Some folks also say that the heroine doesn't get to take on a decent challange in the flick. You folks are forgetting about Mr. Adidas: four eyes, short bus, break dancing heavy twitcher. He was wild and very enjoyable to watch with his break dancing Capoiera-fu. How was he not a worthy challenge?

I tried my best not to give up the coveted five star grand prize, but this bad little ass kicker earned it. Is the story groundbreaking and Oscar worthy? Nope. Is it perfect? Not really. But excellence in the desired arena can trump all that garbage. When a movie excels in certain areas to such a phenomenal degree, and it achieves the intended type of entertainment that it was striving for with utmost quality, then all our pretensions and over-analyses become meaningless, because we know we were entertained and that chances are we are going back for second and third helpings. You don't do that with bad or mediocre flicks. You do that with great movies.

In my opinion, this is the best bad ass chick flick, trumping the reigning champs, "Yes, Madam" and "Book Of Heroes". I defy any reviewer here to find or name a better ass kicking chick movie. If you disagree with this review I'm going to expect you to name-drop a better bad-ass chick flick. If you can't think of one and are of the collection of reviewers that clocked on this movie, then I'm going to ask you to reevaluate your feelings on this film and watch it again. You may have missed something. Something great. You know the name and the game's still the same. Keep it real, folks. Peace.

This one doubles as not only my favorite Gordon Liu movie but also as my favorite Shaw Brothers movie. I know there are so many to choose from and you think that one is the best and dude over there is all like "what about the '36th Chamber'?" Well, chill, we're talking about my favorites now, not yours. We talk about your favorites in your review, sucka.

Lau Kar Leung crafts this movie and its fight scenes with inspired perfection. Gordon Liu dishes out the goods with the jack-of-all trades fu by demonstrating that old school multiple proficiency that pretty much died in the 90's when everyone could just have a single gimmick and still get by. This movie is not only arguably Gordon Liu's best martial arts performance but also Yasuaki Kurata's as well. You have to wait all the way to the end to see Yasuaki finally get down; but when he does, HOLY SHIT, he's a fuckin' smokin' now! (Maybe, just maybe, there is one "Family Guy" fan out there who got that reference. Probably not.)

Anyhow, this film has got one of the best complilations of variety in martial arts styles and weapons put to use. The Japanese performers and characters are all straight-up bad-asses, and really Japanese, unlike many other Chinese films that used Chinese actors and portrayed the Japanese as bitch-made predatory miscreants. I'm not judging, I'm just sayin'. Well, I guess to truly complete a review for this movie I got to give up my favorite fight. Damn, there are so many to choose from, but if I had to pick one favorite I would cheat and say the entire end fight with Gordon and Yasuaki, which is basically like 3-4 fights in one. I don't mean to beat a dying horse (unless it's called for or I'm bored or something), but Mr. Kurata is so frickin' slick it's unreal. The man handles a ninja-to like he was born holding one, and his crab style is one of the dopest, slickest and most creative things I have ever seen. This movie has everything for martial arts lovers including a tough chick.

I also got to say Buddha bless Dragon Dynasty for releasing these perfectly digitally remastered fu classics with the original subtitles and dubbings while including all kinds of sweet bonuses like interviews with the legends that made these movies possible. Make sure this is in your collection. Essential and severely enjoyable.

Of course we all realize that a film needs to have a well developed plot and characters as well as a diligent director to be of any true value, but, let's face it, some well placed and relevant sex and violence can always add a little more fun. Sue me for keeping it real. If you are about your crime-caper movies you need to check this out. This is an excellent film and is keeping in the tradition of highly entertaining crime/noir/caper flicks coming from the Brits.

RECOMMENDED VIEWING: If you dig this flick check out "Lock Stock And 2 Smoking Barrels","Snatch" and of course the truly bad-ass "Layer Cake". Gangster, bitches.

A lot of folks seem to think that this is one of the greatest kung fu movies of all time. Those folks know what they are talking about. This ball of thunder laced lightning hits rougher and heavier than a Kimbo Slice uppercut. We all know the deal and we all know who's in it. The real eternal question is: which match-up is sicker? Jet vs. Yasuaki Kurata, or Jet vs. Billy Chow? There's a stumper for you. They both rock so hard that if you bring up this question among your friends who are into fu flicks it will usually spark a pretty wild debate. I personally lean slightly toward the Jet/Yasuaki showdown. Something about wind and blindfolds--it just gets me going, dude.

"Fist Of Legend" is possibly the closest thing to perfect fight choreography around (perfect is relative, but honestly it might be perfect) and incorporates many martial art styles, such as Longfist, Ditang Chuan, Tong Bei, Chin Na, Aikido, Karate, boxing, Judo, Jujitsu, and quite a few more that I am probably forgetting. I know some cats say that the general was using Muay Thai. They have either poor eyesight or just improper schooling. Billy's just busting out with hardcore Karate.

This movie is the dope shit and every last one of you know it. If you haven't seen it, you better head for the hills, son, because we will hunt you down and staple you to something so we can force you to see this awesome piece of kung fu cinema history. You'll probably thank us afterwords and maybe even offer us a beer. And we'll accept. 'Cause we like beer. Keep kicking for the stars, folks. I'll be around.

I decided that I would come back large by reviewing the undisputed champ and all time greatest action movie. Yeah, that's right, I said it. All time, bitches. There are only really two types of people that can reasonably disagree with the previous statement: 1. those that have not seen it and 2. those that do not know what the word action means. I honestly have not met anyone that has seen this film and cannot admit that it is the best action flick around. Ever. This flick packs way more bang for your buck than anything that you have previously encountered in the States. Gratuitous, balletic, wild firefights are interwoven through a well designed story that is pumped full of not only ammunition but stellar performances from an excellent cast. Tony Leung is enigmatic. Chow Yun Fat is a brooding, unhinged wrecking ball. Anthony Wong is fucking Tony Montana. Phillip Kwok is that killa. This is the apex of cop/crime/noir/action entertainment. Saying that the action sequences are phenomenal would actually be making a vast understatement. The action is so plentiful and just unstoppable. Expect a variety of violence goodies involving not just wild gunplay but also quality stunts, explosions when needed and of course one straight up dope throwdown that brings as much hardcore noise as any trigger pull. "Hard Boiled" is the action gift that keeps on giving. Make sure you own this because you are a man and the absence of this in your library could bring that fact into question. This is Bastard Ronin delivering the goods the way you won't shut up about. Light some fires, kids. I'm 'bout to raise hell...

If you don't have it, I would give it my highest recommendation; and if you do have it, you should probably watch it at least once every year to keep good company with a well crafted story. Thanks for the time, campers, I got to peel.

This is my favorite Andrew Lau movie hands down. Maybe it's because I love comic books or something, but this film really appeals to me. It's very dark and moody with beautiful fantasy action. Loaded with interesting characters, wild special effects and a decent amount of martial arts. This is one of those grand fantasy movies where the line flying and special effects didn't bother me or detract from the movie, in fact they were necessary and enhanced the experience entirely. While I do dig "Storm Riders" and "The Duel", this will always be the one that stands out the most to me. Truly epic. This should have been a trilogy. Just about as cool as "Star Wars". I'm just sayin'.

STUFF THAT KICKS ASS: Ninjas with elemental super powers. Classic. Man with no arms who kicks like a hell raiser. Classic as well. Showdown on the statue of liberty that leaves the old girl looking like she got mugged by the jolly green giant. Wild, just wild.

MY CLOSING STATEMENTS BEFORE I GO GET SOMETHING TO EAT: This movie rocks and will appeal to fans of comics, fantasy and various old school classics.

HIGHLIGHTS AND STUFF YOU'LL REMEMBER: Cynthia Khan is hanging from a bus but still manages to hinging axe kick a guy positioned slighty above her position. Sweet. John Salviti shows off his hyper active, retarded crackhead kung fu style. Funny. Donnie nails John S. with a jump spinning hook/side kick combo that you ain't ever seen and you won't forget. F'n awesome! Previously mentioned short dude from the end fights. Dude fights with the energy of someone that is aiming to hospitalize.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Absolutely essential for any fu-fanatic. And is anybody with me when I say I want to see Donnie Yen as Shang Chi master of kung fu in a live action movie adaption of the comic book?

"Enter The Dragon" put kung fu on the map in a big way. It was also the first real mixed martial arts movie--and I mean real mixed martial arts, not this new wave, hybrid Brazilian Jujitsu mixed with half-assed kickboxing, cage fighting, don't-know-how-to-throw a clean technique to save my life, jock bullshit. No, I mean an early melding of expert martial artists from all over the world with the most fluid mixture of masterful choreography. The film put to use more martial arts than you can shake a stick at, such as boxing, Hapkido, Wing Chun, Jeet Kune Do, Shotokan, Tae Kwon Do, Judo, and Jujitsu, just to name a few. This movie reigns supreme with some of the best fight scenes put to film--some that have not been matched or topped (like when Bruce clowns Bob Wall like he was a Girl Scout).

But that's all just personal bias. Let's look at it from a technical aspect. There were excellent acting performances across the board. Quality direction (thanks, Bruce) and a story chock full of espionage, gambling, womanizing, and noir-esque shady, stand-out characters. It stands as the original template for all tournament fighting movies that followed but is infinitely more quotable. In fact it is one of the most quotable movies of all time. Filled with dope lines like: "Why doesn't somebody pull out a forty-five and, bang, settle it?" and "Man, you come right out of a comic book", or the classic, "Boards don't hit back", as well as countless others. Many folks have stated in the past how Jim Kelly was the "token black guy" of the movie, but I got to say I'm not feelin' that. Jim Kelly was just more of a stand-out bad-ass with his own slick and pimp vibe. If anything, John Saxon was the "token white guy". The first time you see that cat in a flashback he is playing golf. He loves to scheme and gamble. And the first time he is offered some women he wants the one that wasn't even offered. And he gets her. Token white guy. He was quite the player though, with his always-too-smooth trademark line: "Wanna bet?" There you go, another memorable quote.

All in all, I say this movie truly stands the test of time and exudes such a rich level of quality that I enjoy watching it every time that I do. I have probably seen this movie about 45 (or more) times in the last 25 years. My last viewing of it was about a couple of months ago, and I can't wait to see it again. This is truly landmark entertainment at its finest.

HIGHLIGHTS AND FUNKY STUFF: Watch for Lam Ching Ying's show stealing, tour de force acting performance. Good training sequences. Beware of the dude with the rings--he is a straight up killer with slick moves for days.

FINAL SUMMATION: Awesome. Mandatory. Will not cause swelling or bloating. Consult a doctor if effects last for more then four hours. Quality checked and tested on animals...because their pain is funny.

This film is exactly what I have been waiting for. It's about time that a realistic, honest and unapologetic film about superheroes has come to light. Nothing comes close to the thematic elements incorporated in this movie. The characters are unique and iconic. The fight choreography is well done and it's funny to think about how mainstream martial arts have become in big budget Hollywood flicks. The sad part is most Americans don't realize how mainstream martial arts have become within our own society. "The Matrix" trilogy, "Lethal Weapon 4" (yes, I still carry the torch for that flick and you can eat my ass if you ain't feelin' me), "The Transporter", and now "Watchmen" are all basically martial arts movies. Don't agree? Then ask yourself this: what is the core type of action that fuels each one these films? Hmmm. Interesting.

I'm going to be a good monkey and not kick you cats any spoilers, but I will tell you what I can. The story is brilliant and fairly plausible. The fights are very enjoyable, especially considering how schlocky and mundane American style fight choreography can be. Some noticeable changes from the graphic novel are present, but I don't want to get too specific because like I said I'm trying to keep this spoiler-free. Next to "Sin City" this is the best comic book movie adaption in existance. "Watchmen" covers many social, moral, philosophical and realistic concepts that are rarely acknowleged in films of this genre.

Don't know who the fascinatingly tenacious and uncompromising character of Rorschach is? Ever seen a realistic portrayal of superheroes? Do you know what Malin Akerman looks like naked? If you answered "no" to any of these questions, you might want to give this a chance. You should also definitely be sure to watch the director's cut. It's three hours of the best movie viewing that I have ever experienced.

Oh crap, I got to be somewhere. Sorry to cut out but I'll be at you. Peace.

This movie seemed liked a good landmark film to commemorate my degenerate rantings. *may contain spoilers. I will trip a little* Get on the bus and take a trip into a little piece of the Twilight Zone that Mr. Serling didn't get a chance to show us.

"Old Boy" will take you completely sideways and leave you in a dark alley with nothing but a razor blade and bag of doughnuts to survive on. Easily one of the greatest revenge movies of all time and possibly the illest. This movie takes you to weird and wrong places but constantly reasures you that the journey is worth every step. It is, too. Acting performances and direction are all in excellent form and the story is something that will stick with you no matter how many showers you take. Spoilers ahead. Beware. It's so raw and ill, damn I love it. Dude asks for something alive to eat! He trains himself to become not only a warrior but the primary tool of his own revenge. That shit is hot! This movie is so bold that it tackles heavy and taboo subjects like revenge, imprisonment, incest, torture and gritty realistic violence fist first. It ain't shy.

Wizard Magazine rated the claw hammer fight in the corridor as one of the best fight scenes of all time. While it is true the writers of that magazine don't really know shit about greatest fight scenes (that's more our department, isn't it?) they were actually right to include this fight scene. This fight scene is chapter 7 in the Tartan Asian Extreme version of the film and the chapter is titled "one versus many". The protagonist takes on somewhere between 7 and 11 shady fools in a narrow corridor utilizing nothing but a claw hammer and some pretty awesome boxing. This fight is essential viewing to any fan of high quality screen fights.

Brutal and worthy of repeated viewings, every film lover should have copy of this in their collection. Disturbing, provacative and highly entertaining. Highly recommended for children and grandparents.

Therapy for emotional scarring: $9,000. Medication and sleep aids for twisted dreams: $600. The look on their faces when their minds finally snap: priceless. Bastard Ronin goes everywhere you're not sure you want to be.

Thanks for reading, folks. Now go do something that pisses on conventional thought. I do it all the time...

I got to say I loved this film. It fills me full of urges to travel the world to kick fighters in the neck and skull area. Some reviewers are saying it is not up to par with "Ong-Bak" and "Tom Yum Goong", but it's kind of an apple/oranges kind of thing. "Fighter In The Wind" may not have as many fights as those two mentioned, but there is undeniable quality in the fights that are present. It also has an excellent story that has good demension and progression. Man, this dude absorbs enough wounds and punishment through his lifetime that it would make John McClane pee a little.

It is possible that martial artists might dig this flick a little more than non martial artists, but don't quote me on that, just give it a try. To sum up: great fights, great story, and a great movie. Should you have need of a bastard in the near future, holla atcha' boy.

"Red Belt" is one of those films that unites its writing, direction and strong cast performances into something that is provacative as well as entertaining. It is also one of those films that you kind of have to watch more than just once to appreciate its depth. The movie centers around a protagonist that still lives, preaches and teaches the code of samurai honor that guides him. For the most part, the majority of the cast are antagonists and plot devices that seek to corrupt or profit off of the hero. Can a modern day samurai persevere in a corrupt society full of greed, deciet and financial adversity? You should probably watch to find out.

I should also address the fight choreography. Well, if you like Jujitsu like I like Jujitsu, then gazoondheidt. Seriously, the fights were great and got to employ some great Jujitsu throws, locks, chokes and counters. The end fight between the hero and John Machado is delicious and good for you. The cinematography, combined with a Japanese style drum-based score, fueled much of the emotion and power of many of the scenes.

If I were to grade this film purely as a samurai film I give it 5 stars. No take-backs. This film should be in the collection of every film connoisseur, martial artist and samurai fan.

11 AWESOME MOVIES THAT YOU MAY HAVE WATCHED NOT REALIZING THAT THEY WERE EXCELLENT SAMURAI FILMS:

11. Way Of The Gun"

10. Die Hard"
John McClane is the original American samurai.

9. Kill Bill Vol.1

8. Sin City
Every Frank Miller hero is essentially a samurai.

7. Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope
If you don't get how this is a samurai flick, then I'm not gonna' bother explaining it.

6. Batman (Tim Burton,1989)
The original American samurai in literature.

5. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Seriously, go watch it again. Then watch it again. Ignore the Jar Jars like you ignored C3PO, the Ewoks, and how whiney Luke was from the originals. This movie is all about the path of a samurai.

4. Ghost Dog: Way Of The Samurai
Just because "way of the samurai" is in the title doesn't mean everyone gets the fact that this is a pure samurai film.

3. Red Belt
Didn't I just review that? Weird.

2. Fight Club
Again, if I have to explain it, you might not get it anyway. But trust me, on many levels this is a samurai film too.

1. Throw Down
Powerful and engaging--this is at the top of the food chain when it comes to modern day samurai films.

Thank you for participating in this test. Your results will be back from the lab shortly...

"The Matrix: Reloaded" delivered the goods in full. More dimension was added to the story when we find out that none of the characters or the story actually take place outside of the Matrix. Though this fact does devalue the reality and gravity of the entire series, this was the second film of the trilogy so that makes room for a more conclusive denouement in the third and final film...

You know I have actually heard some people say that there was not enough action in it. Wow, do those fools have some short attention spans or what?!? The movie is about 2 hours and 18 minutes. Roughly 18 minutes accounts for the credits and trailer at the end of the film, meaning the movie itself is about 2 hours. Approximately 1 hour of the movie is kung fu fights, shoot-outs and car chases. So about half of the movie is all-out action, while the other half focused on the plot and the many characters involved. As an added bonus, this one included something the first film didn't have. Actual martial artists!!! Collin Chou as Seraph (my favorite Matrix character), Daniel Bernhardt as an agent and all of the Merovengien's monkey boys were the real deal. There was some excellent choreography from Yuen Wo Ping that totally trumped the previous film and showcased a good variety from unarmed to weapon-based combat (Keanu handled those sai pretty damn well). The CGI stuff didn't bother me one bit because Keanu is not like us. He has not dedicated his life to advancing his martial capabilities, agilty and strength, so even with intense short training he can't pull off the junk that we have been working on for years. That being the case it was actually cool to see some really amazing kung fu in the form of well done CGI animation, and I also think that it was done in a fluid enough manner that it didn't disrupt the flow of those sequences. Besides you folks had no problems when Spiderman did it, so you should be fine with that stuff going down in the Matrix. This movie was great entertainment and contained all of the hallmarks of an engrossing and thought-provoking sci-fi classic. The actors were on point and the curvature of the path of the story was nicely done.

There is only one problem here. One major problem. This movie was almost perfect, but I had to deduct a half star for the fact that this film suffers from middle kid syndrome due to its status as the second film in the trilogy. The kid that came after this one fucked it up for everybody and ruined what could have been one of the greatest sci-fi tales ever told.

IN SUMMATION: Yeah, this film has caught a lot of flak because many "critics" feel it solidifies their own credibility if they bash a trilogy film that does well in the box office. Just like when everyone bashed the new "Star Wars" films. But guess what: they weren't that damn bad either. People are just jaded and prejudiced. Please, folks, don't take a perspective because you are lead to believe that you should, because then you are in someone else's control. If fools can tell you what to believe, what does that make you? But screw the soapbox, this movie is great and only marred by the sorry ass pile of crap that followed it. Worth adding to the collection.

This was one of those movies that wound up being a pain in the ass for me to acquire so everyone got to see it before me. It was worth the wait though. Thanks to one of my cats on this site I found out that the American title of this flick is "The Challenge" and that information alone made it easier to obtain. The plot, setting and fight frequency of this film are kind of like a combination of "Fist of the North Star" and "Fist of Legend". Very comic book like, in fact the US version is released by Dark Horse. The martial arts choreography was very enjoyable. German fu, I had to see it to believe it. Very sweet. Hell, I think it's cool any time that one of the main characters' trademark moves is a 720. The post-apocalyptic setting was a nice touch for the atmosphere of the film and, combined with the excellent kung fu (with some decent stick and staff combat included), a central message that is based in honor and duty, and a couple very beautiful women to behold this movie is quite the treat for the senses. I would recommend it to the very few of you left who haven't seen it yet and the even fewer of you folks who still trust my judgment.

Well that about does it, campers. 81 reviews, over 150 comments and I got to talk all the shit that I wanted to. It's been real. Thank you to many of you that have read and followed my stuff. F*** you to those of you who didn't or just didn't get it. I hope that all of you find what you are searching for in life. To Jay Lee, JV, Choco and others that I failed to mention--thanks a lot. You guys were awesome. Keep your blades sharp, players. Well, I said my piece. I'm out. BASTARD RONIN HAS LEFT THE BUILDING.

This is possibly the Grandmaster and reigning champ of all bad ass chick flicks. Michelle Yoeh is mesmerizing and exibits the traditional fearless nature of a stunt performer at their peak. Her stunts and fights throughout this movie are second to no man.

We also get to see Cynthia Rothrock at arguably her finest. Everthing about her was so much better in her Hong Kong movies. Her kicks were sharper, her movements were more fluid, and then she came back home to unleash an endless string of B movies that would never even come close to capturing her amazing ability like her efforts that were "made in China". (Lead free.)

Then we got the man himself, Tsui Hark, who delivers a good performance as one of the main hoods who are clearly in over their heads.

This movie brings it all together and entertains on more than one level. The humor is pretty good and the action and fight/stunt choreography are all completely Hong Kong A-game stuff. This movie makes "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" look like playground antics. If you are about the tough chick flicks, this movie is a must-own.

Now I must be off to help old ladies in their eternal struggle to cross the street. They are usually so thankful that they don't notice that their purses are missing...

"Cloverfield" is packed with high energy thrills and unyielding momentum. The story told is very simplistic, but that may add to the classic qualities of this feature. This is the best monster movie that I have seen in years. It even trumps "The Host", which is no small feat. You got a little something for everybody: action, excitement, drama, and humor. I know the whole shaky-cam thing did bother a lot of folks, but honestly I thought it was a very good device for the whole movie as it added to the frantic nature of the film while grounding it in a gritty and realistic manor that almost seems to give the monster that much more credibility.

FINAL SUMMATION: This flick is more fun than you can have with a German shepherd, a hooker, and a whole jar of peanut butter. Go check this one out. Highly entertaining, you won't be let down. Now, I got to bolt. I have to fly a 747 to England in 20 minutes and this whiskey isn't going to drink itself.

Only two things stop me from giving this a perfect rating. #1: As you may know already, it just twists my panties up when Hollywood makes these martial arts flicks and seem to forget to cast martial artists for the lead roles. This can often depreciate the spectrum of suspension of disbelief, but thankfully we have Yuen Wo Ping and Zoe Bell to smooth out those rough edges. #2 This movie is volume 1, meaning that it is one half of a movie and other issues and factors of volume two affect this movie as a result. I have several problems with volume 2 but we will get into that another time. Here is a little taste: Why the fuck does she bother going through all the trouble to get this dope ass, high quality sword for a five second sword fight that ends with a hokey "secret kung fu technique"?!? Her final battle with Bill was insulting. She didn't even need a sword to take on Krusty the Bill and she could have just shot up the "House of Blue Leaves" or whatever so why get the sword? But, alas, I digress. I definitely think that volume one is much better than volume two but I'm a samurai man myself (like you couldn't tell) so I can see how those cowboys out there might disaree with me.

As a film on its own that stands on an unanswered cliff hanger I give it 4.5 stars, but if I were to grade it as a whole including volume 2 I would give it 3.5 stars for the simple fact that the second act (much like "Battle Royale 2") disregards all of the sensibilities of the first act. I know that was the point but it was still annoying.

FINAL SUMMATION: Very enjoyable and energetic genre meld (it's a crime noir/kung fu/samurai/revenge/dramedy). The bloody end battles will keep you giddy for hours after viewing. Entertaining and worth every cent. Quentin cranks out quality. Repeatedly. Get it if you don't got it; you will have fun. Thanks for the time. I'll be at you.

"Cashback" is a quite brilliant and hilarous comedy that is bound in the soul of a hopeless romantic. Don't misread me dammit; I don't dig romantic comedies as I find them to be juvenile (I am the most immature person on the planet and I said that) and shallow as well as often mindless. This movie is actually quite sophisticated and does a good job of making a clever social commentary of many of the zany yet realistic and relatable characters present. One of the funniest and most captivating movies I've seen. Filled with strong performances, laugh out loud moments and the gift from God that is the female form...naked. Some absolutely mouth-watering nudity from some gorgeous young ladies add another bonus to a movie that was worth your time anyways. Smart, funny and sexy. It would look good on your shelf. Probably a good date flick if you want to stay in and watch a movie and if you are dating an intelligent and hot chick with a good sense of humor. But if you are dating one of those then feel free to ride to the DVD rental place on your unicorn.

"City of Violence" is at its core a really tight revenge flick that plays out kind of like "Four Brothers" meets "Kill Bill" with, of course, a fairly standard twist. The martial arts aspect of the film is first class with Tae Kwon Do being showcased as an all purpose weapon that is clearly more vicious and functional amoung the people who originated it. The fights had true grit and a rawness that was mixed well with plenty of flash that gave them a distinct flavor. As for the end fight finale--it will knock your wobblies around. Wall to wall style and substance with a good story told in a good way using good talent.

If at this point you are still not interested in giving this movie a chance then fine but please move to the back of the bus and don't say shit when we pass your stop. Thanks for reading and remember nothing says "happy Easter" more than strippers and crack. I gotta go, the warden's coming.