Agreement:91% of 159 voters agree with TheDenizen's reviews Gender: Male Age: 34 Location: Ontario, Canada Lists:WISH LIST (7) / OWNED LIST (296)
Bio: Kung Fu fanatic from Southern Ontario, Canada. I'm also into Samurai films, splatter horror, Spaghetti Westerns, Film Noir and grindhouse exploitation flicks.
Twilight (product link) Thriller / Romance Mormon Vampire Abstinence Porn strictly for chubby teenage girls. I hate myself for being cajoled into seeing this. Chock full of bad acting, bad effects, and the leads gazing longingly at each other for ENDLESS takes.
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I also have not seen this movie but agree completely with you and slave 2. I believe that knowledge of this movie and the book series has permanently lowered my sperm count and contributed to the decline of civilized advancements.
I've never seen this film and yet through empathy regarding the trailers I saw of the film i hated it! (and i probably abstained from 10 years of mental deterioration not watching this garbage. ignorance is sometimes bliss)
Cradle 2 The Grave (product link) Action/Adventure / Martial Arts More of DMX and Jet Li together is a bad idea. Not even the super hot Kelly Hu can save this mess. Avoid it.
Romeo Must Die (product link) Action/Adventure / Martial Arts DMX needs to stay the hell out of martial arts movies. Jet Li + rappers = crummy flick.
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The filmmakers had no faith in their hugely talented star to hold the screen on his own. Jet Li is not comfortable with love stories or hip hop culture. He's a Chinese warrior: How about letting him do Chinese warrior roles?
Samourais (product link) Action/Adventure / Martial Arts Some decent choreography here, but it's not worth sitting through the horrid story and bad acting. Oh, and some of the worst looking videogame/CGI ever. Skip it.
The Sword And The Sorcerer (product link) Fantasy / Science Fiction This is the same as all the other empty fantasy junk that came out in the wake of "Conan The Barbarian". I like fantasy movies, but this is just poor.
The hero is lame and ends up needing saving himself more than once, and the triple bladed sword is beyond ridiculous.
The Strangers [2008] (product link) Horror / Thriller Some nicely composed shots, and the music provides some real moments of tension, but this flick is pointless, stupid, and needlessly cruel. You might as well watch cows being slaughtered. I can't really say more without spoiling, but this movie sucks.
I was never a big fan of the "Rush Hour" films, but the third entry in the series is simply abysmal. Lame dialog, lame humour, average fighting at best. Chris Tucker is so annoying he needs to be kicked in the throat.
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you know I agree cuz by kicking Chris in the balls would of made his voice more high-pitched and irratable. Hated this film.
I haven't seen it because I've just heard so many reports of how depressing this film is... Ugh, sad. I can't bring myself to even try it. And I actually did enjoy the first two somewhat...
Bubba Ho-Tep (product link) Horror / Comedy I love Bruce Campbell, but this was borderline retarded. A promising idea that is completely flushed away in a sea of drab, boring scenes with very little action and even fewer laughs.
A rare misfire from Campbell.
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THANK YOU! I thought I was the only one. Everyone else seems to LOVE this film. But I was so desperate for it to end after my "benefit of the doubt" was meticulously excavated without reward for 2 hours...
Nightbeast (product link) Horror / Science Fiction Really, really awful low budget flick about an alien who crash lands near a small town and goes on a kill-crazy rampage. Terrible acting and direction, and a totally unnecessary sex scene between two doughy middle aged cops. For fans of craptastic cinema only.
Bloody Fight [1972] (product link) Martial Arts / Action/Adventure Pretty weak old school chop socky with a tired Chinese school vs. Japanese school story, and below average martial arts.
Most of the fights consist of people randomly swinging their arms, and there is very little diversity among the boxing styles.
The Storm Riders (product link) Swordplay/Sword(s) / Fantasy A poor fantasy/wire-fu/CGI mess that relies so heavily on its effects that the rest of the film is second rate. A weak story, generic characters, lame dialog, etc. The film might've been a nice visual feast ten years ago, but it looks sadly dated today.
And since the effects are the only thing this flick has going for it, there's not much reason to see it now.
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In general I agree, but I am old enough, or my vision is faulty enough, that the visual effects don't disappoint me as much as they do you. It's not the worst thing I've seen, but it really isn't much to crow about.
Bride Of The Monster [6-Movie Set] (product link) Horror / Science Fiction Ed Wood directs Bela Lugosi again as the mad scientist Eric Varnoff, out to create a race of atomic supermen by blasting rednecks in the face with radiation. Mostly pretty boring, though the laboratory and rubber octopus scenes are a scream. Plus, Lugosi actually gets to deliver a decent monologue before the end, showing us a brief glimpse of the great actor he once was.
Alien Vs. Predator: Requiem (product link) Science Fiction / Thriller Too many crappy humans, not enough alien ass kicking. The alien ass kicking that was there was filmed too close and without enough light. Boo. At least most of the humans died horribly.
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I couldn't see a damn thing in this film. Where were the freakin' lights!!?? This cinematographer needs to be drawn and quartered.
The One (product link) Science Fiction / Martial Arts A dopey story, ludicrously sped-up wushu, and some laughably bad CGI effects add up to a real stinker.
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Why does everyone put this movie down? It's not FOL but those movies are few and far between. It's entertaining and Jet makes a "good" bad guy.
The Promise (product link) Fantasy / Action/Adventure Unneccesarily convoluted, and chock full of ridiculous CGI that looks like it's right out of "Kung Fu Hustle". It looks cheap and totally out of place in a film with a serious tone. Hiroyuki Sanada is too good of an actor to waste his time on drivel like this.
Red Shadow (product link) Martial Arts / Action/Adventure This movie was awesome for about 20 minutes, then it turned into a painful endurance test. After a bit of cool ninja action, we are forced to hear endless moaning and moralizing from ninjas who don't want to kill. WTF? Just kill stuff and shut up, you're freaking ninjas! The comedy falls completely flat. A big disappointment, can't believe I finished the whole thing.
Sick Nurses (product link) Horror / Thriller Weird Thai horror flick set in a hospital, which is haunted by the ghost of a woman who was killed there to harvest her organs for the black market. There's a bunch of hot nurses, but none of them even shows their boobs once (stupid Thai film laws), the movie bounces around in time constantly, plus there's a whole bunch of stuff about a tranny that didn't make a lick of sense. Not a great flick, but it keeps you on your toes, because once a woman rips off her own jawbone and chokes to death on a flying fetus, pretty much anything might happen.
China Heat (product link) Action/Adventure / Girls With Guns Strictly by-the-numbers Hong Kong cops/triads action flick from the early 90's, which means big hair, big shoulder pads and brightly colored track suits galore. This one has 3 lady cops from Hong Kong coming to New York to extradite a Chinese drug trafficker, only for him to escape and take two of them hostage, which leads to an ultimate showdown on a big shipyard. Plenty of decent kung fu scraps and ridiculous shootouts with a billion squibs and no reloading necessary. The American cop assigned to escort the Chinese cops around is portrayed seriously, but he's pretty much comic relief with his retarded facial expressions and stiff looking chop socky. Forgettable.
Deadgirl (product link) Horror / Thriller Sooooo...this flick has zombie sex. And not the campy silly kind like in "Zombie Strippers". This is a filthy zombie girl chained to a bed and raped a bunch of times. The high school drama stuff framing it all is ridiculous, and nothing about the backstory is ever explained. The movie just hits you over the head with its premise pretty bluntly...again and again. The message: rape is bad. Uh yeah, thanks.
The New Barbarians (product link) Science Fiction / Action/Adventure Wow, this Z-grade, no-budget "Mad Max" rip-off is pretty far out there. There's this gang of gay bikers (I'm not being judgmental, the fact that they're gay is a plot point) called the Templars who dress like Stormtroopers and are on a mission to wipe out the last surviving humans in the wake of a nuclear holocaust.
Enter Scorpion, Italian Mel Gibson wannabe and all around badass, who drives onto the scene and starts kicking everyone's butt...well, for no reason, really. With Enzo G. "every action scene in slow motion" Castellari at the helm, and Fred Williamson thrown into the mix as an invincible archer, you've got yourself the makings of a bad movie.
And this is very, very bad. But it's also pretty damn funny and packed with silly violence. For fans of Eurotrash cinema only.
Zombie Strippers (product link) Horror / Dark Comedy Well, it has zombies, and strippers, and zombie strippers, so it certainly delivers what it promises. However, this flick is hampered by bad acting, terrible production values and cheesy jokes, although Robert Englund has a few funny moments as the sleazy club owner. The 15 second Tito Ortiz cameo was probably the best thing.
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Aw man! You didn't dig the dialog? I thought this film was a lot better than it seemed on the admittedly crappy surface.
Circle Of Iron (product link) Action/Adventure / Fantasy A nice attempt at bringing an original Bruce Lee script to life, but Jeff Cooper is just so terrible and awkward (with both his acting and his action scenes) that he drags the film down to the level of camp.
For Bruce Lee completists or lovers of cheese only.
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Jeff Cooper's real world fighting abilities do not translate well into this film, and he was no kind of an actor, so he is a lead weight on "Circle of Iron."
In The Realm Of The Senses (product link) Drama / Erotica Kinda' boring. Not titillating/sleazy enough to be exploitation or porn, but the story isn't really interesting enough to make it a good movie either. I'm sure it's possible to make an interesting film out of the life of Abe Sada, but this isn't it.
Baise-Moi (product link) Crime / Thriller French "art" film made by a bunch of porn stars and shot on digital video (i.e. it's pretty amateurish). This is basically the hardcore porn version of "Thelma And Louise", as two chicks drive around France, bang tons of dudes, and then rob and kill them, all for no apparent reason. Sex and violence at its most basic, but not terribly sexy.
Last House On The Left [2009] (product link) Horror / Thriller Offers better quality acting and gore over the original, but not much else. The music is terrible, everything is too dark to see, and they make inexcusably dumb changes to the story. Garret Dillahunt's creepy performance in David Hess' role is the only thing worth seeing here.
New Police Story (product link) Action/Adventure / Martial Arts This flick has one great stunt sequence, one good fight, and almost two hours of HK melodrama and Jackie Chan crying. Skip it.
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lol I gave it a higher rating than you but I can appreciate your point of view :)
If one is expecting a continuation of the Police Story series, in either characters or style, this film is a huge letdown. Sometimes Jackie Chan just wants to prove he CAN act,: I liked it better than you did, but JC 'd be wise to stick within his genre
Jail Bait [6-Movie Set] (product link) Crime / Drama Another cheesy/bad Ed Wood flick, "Jail Bait" also commits the cardinal sin of being boring. Recounting a tale of a robbery gone wrong, and the subsequent actions of the two guilty parties trying to avoid capture, this movie is actually kinda' "normal". There is an actual story with a logical progression, real sets, well framed shots, and even one or two half-way decent actors.
There are just not enough "Woodisms" in this movie to make it fun for being so bad. There is still some silly crap, to be sure, but it is more subtle than the gonzo insanity of "Glen Or Glenda", for example.
1.5 stars for a competent Ed Wood movie, and 1 star for the burlesque stage act shown (in its entirety). Half naked girls dancing suggestively is ALWAYS good.
Glen Or Glenda [6-Movie Set] (product link) Drama An earnest and heartfelt plea to 1950's middle America for tolerance and acceptance of transvestites. Sure it's amateurish and seemingly totally random, but you've gotta admire the pair of brass balls on Ed Wood just to release this.
My score is mostly for the hilariously pointless and incongruous bits with Bela Lugosi, credited as "Scientist" but clearly playing some sort of God character. PULL THE STRING!
The Chinese Boxer (product link) Martial Arts / Action/Adventure Historically significant for being one of the first movies to depict a gang of Japanese fighters taking over a Chinese boxing school/town, a common plot in following years. Unfortunately this flick is seriously undermined by the weak kung fu skills of its star, Jimmy Wang Yu. He's young and handsome here, but Wang's fighting ability is just not up to snuff. I felt bad for Lo Lieh (as the head Japanese fighter) having to act like he was afraid of Wang. Tons of spraying blood in every fight, though.
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It is almost always best to use talented martial artists in martial arts films. Not doing so was Shaw Brothers' biggest mistake in this movie.
Wang Yu is a brawler not a kung fu guy. Sorry but this film is awsome. Plus this film define kung fu films as we see it today before the times Bruce Lee which wasn't long.
The Forbidden Kingdom (product link) Action/Adventure / Martial Arts Angarano is totally uninteresting and unconvincing as a hero, the dialog is simply atrocious, and the dramatic performances are universally awful. But, it has Jackie Chan fighting Jet Li, and that alone is enough to make this film worth seeing once. Otherwise it's a massive letdown filled with lame, childish fantasy. I would LOVE this if I was 10.
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I would agree about being underage and loving this film.
The Web Of Death (product link) Martial Arts / Action/Adventure This fantasy/horror/effects movie is probably one of the weakest Shaw Brothers films I've seen. The cast, sets and costumes are excellent, but given the talent on display the fighting is a real let down. There is tons of emphasis on flashing Chi strikes and magic attacks, and very little traditional martial arts or swordplay. Also, the radioactive spider that roars like an elephant (and had everyone in the film absolutely terrified) made me burst out laughing.
A decent flick with a pretty good story, let down by cheesy effects and silly action. Very dated, but some people will no doubt love this kind of thing.
Gozu (product link) Crime / Drama One of the very few Takashi Miike films I've seen that didn't "click" with me. Maybe I've just overdosed on Miike recently, but this one really seems like more of the same, but not as good. *shrugs*
Labyrinth Of Death (product link) Martial Arts / Action/Adventure I picked this up [cheap]. It's certainly not what it appears from the packaging, but a silly kung fu vampire romp with kids was okay, too. Just be aware what you're getting.
Midnight Movie (product link) Horror / Thriller Not bad, but very derivative slasher about a supernatural psycho with a curly bladed weapon. The killer is an obvious mash-up of Jason, Michael Myers, Leatherface, and a zombie from "Dawn Of The Dead" (1978), but there's decent gore and some wonderfully bad acting to laugh at. Plus the main chick is very cute, which always helps.
The Foot Fist Way (product link) Comedy / Martial Arts A pretty funny parody of martial arts instructors who take themselves way too seriously. I know guys just like Danny McBride's character. The ending is sorta' cliche and it drags a bit in the middle, but there's lots to enjoy here if you like McBride's style.
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I think I'm a bigger Danny McBride fan than you, but yep. It's two for one crab legs--at Captain Orlander's!
Chopping Mall (product link) Horror / Thriller Definitely one for the "so bad it's good" pile, this middling 80's sci-fi/horror flick is only really watchable as camp. The killer robot premise is so silly, the plot holes so gaping, and the dialog so wooden that it's almost impossible not to laugh at. Some boobs (hello, Barbara Crampton!) and blood and a couple of surprisingly big explosions. Dopey fun.
Yo-Yo Sexy Girl Cop (product link) Comedy / Crime Low budget softcore porn satire of high school/girl boss movies and the "Yo-Yo Girl Cop" series. Everything about this flick is really cheesy and campy, but the two main girls are gorgeous and not shy about getting naked regularly throughout the story. The "action" scenes were laughable, but who watches this kind of thing for the action?
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