Agreement:91% of 158 voters agree with TheDenizen's reviews Gender: Male Age: 34 Location: Ontario, Canada Lists:WISH LIST (7) / OWNED LIST (296)
Bio: Kung Fu fanatic from Southern Ontario, Canada. I'm also into Samurai films, splatter horror, Spaghetti Westerns, Film Noir and grindhouse exploitation flicks.
Midnight Movie (product link) Horror / Thriller Not bad, but very derivative slasher about a supernatural psycho with a curly bladed weapon. The killer is an obvious mash-up of Jason, Michael Myers, Leatherface, and a zombie from "Dawn Of The Dead" (1978), but there's decent gore and some wonderfully bad acting to laugh at. Plus the main chick is very cute, which always helps.
Nightbeast (product link) Horror / Science Fiction Really, really awful low budget flick about an alien who crash lands near a small town and goes on a kill-crazy rampage. Terrible acting and direction, and a totally unnecessary sex scene between two doughy middle aged cops. For fans of craptastic cinema only.
The Foot Fist Way (product link) Comedy / Martial Arts A pretty funny parody of martial arts instructors who take themselves way too seriously. I know guys just like Danny McBride's character. The ending is sorta' cliche and it drags a bit in the middle, but there's lots to enjoy here if you like McBride's style.
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I think I'm a bigger Danny McBride fan than you, but yep. It's two for one crab legs--at Captain Orlander's!
Ilsa: The Wicked Warden [3-Disc Set] (product link) Horror / Erotica An above average women in prison flick starring Dyanne Thorne as the evil Ilsa, this one also features the beautiful Lina Romay. The standard nudity, torture, and sex abound, but this one also features one of the best endings of any film in the genre. Grisly.
Barbarian Queen (product link) Action/Adventure / Fantasy Wonderfully cheesy 80's girl barbarian flick with lots of boobs and swordfights. Unlike the pretty lame Red Sonja (who constantly needed saving by Arnold Schwarzenegger), lovely Lana Clarkson's character is more than capable of kicking everyone's ass herself. Only 70 minutes long, this moves along at a good clip with minimal padding.
Deep River Savages (product link) Horror / Thriller A pretty simple yet effective romance story set deep in the jungle. Plenty of boobs, a dash of cannibal action, and several scenes of (seemingly real) animal violence, including a live goat getting beheaded. Mmmmmmmm.
Tropic Thunder (product link) Comedy / Action/Adventure Better than I thought it would be, despite Jack Black being even more annoying than I had anticipated. Danny McBride and Nick Nolte are great in small roles, and Downey carries the flick with an assured and funny portrayal of an Australian method actor. But Tom Cruise steals the show as a psychotic and profane movie producer who is so far over the top that his balding cranium is poking into outer space. Good ensemble comedy.
Chopping Mall (product link) Horror / Thriller Definitely one for the "so bad it's good" pile, this middling 80's sci-fi/horror flick is only really watchable as camp. The killer robot premise is so silly, the plot holes so gaping, and the dialog so wooden that it's almost impossible not to laugh at. Some boobs (hello, Barbara Crampton!) and blood and a couple of surprisingly big explosions. Dopey fun.
Deadgirl (product link) Horror / Thriller Sooooo...this flick has zombie sex. And not the campy silly kind like in "Zombie Strippers". This is a filthy zombie girl chained to a bed and raped a bunch of times. The high school drama stuff framing it all is ridiculous, and nothing about the backstory is ever explained. The movie just hits you over the head with its premise pretty bluntly...again and again. The message: rape is bad. Uh yeah, thanks.
Rica (product link) Erotica / Action/Adventure This delicious morsel of exploitation goodness features a beautiful teen who runs her girl gang with guile and guts. Rica bounces in and out of reform school between bouts of beating up local yakuza, but when another gang kindaps her girls to mail to Vietnam (to be rape fodder for American GI's), she gets nasty looking for payback. Plenty of fisticuffs, knife brawls and catfights mixed in with the sex and nudity. This flick starts at 90 miles an hour and never slows down. Good times.
Yo-Yo Sexy Girl Cop (product link) Comedy / Crime Low budget softcore porn satire of high school/girl boss movies and the "Yo-Yo Girl Cop" series. Everything about this flick is really cheesy and campy, but the two main girls are gorgeous and not shy about getting naked regularly throughout the story. The "action" scenes were laughable, but who watches this kind of thing for the action?
The New Barbarians (product link) Science Fiction / Action/Adventure Wow, this Z-grade, no-budget "Mad Max" rip-off is pretty far out there. There's this gang of gay bikers (I'm not being judgmental, the fact that they're gay is a plot point) called the Templars who dress like Stormtroopers and are on a mission to wipe out the last surviving humans in the wake of a nuclear holocaust.
Enter Scorpion, Italian Mel Gibson wannabe and all around badass, who drives onto the scene and starts kicking everyone's butt...well, for no reason, really. With Enzo G. "every action scene in slow motion" Castellari at the helm, and Fred Williamson thrown into the mix as an invincible archer, you've got yourself the makings of a bad movie.
And this is very, very bad. But it's also pretty damn funny and packed with silly violence. For fans of Eurotrash cinema only.
Wolverine never comes across as even remotely badass in this film. He sure cries a lot though, usually while staring upwards into a spinning camera, clutching the body of a dead loved one and screaming "Nooooooo!" (seriously, this happens like three times at least).
The final battle was pretty lame, too. Bad CGI throughout. Wolvie's claws looked really dumb and fake. Vaguely entertaining, this movie is nowhere near as cool as it should have been, which ultimately makes it a disappointment.
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Not great I must say. It needed blood and disembowlments. I recommend the video game over this.... uh thing!
Didn't bother to watch this one because it looked like exactly what you described. Why take such a high-profile character from a high-budget franchise and do this to it? They just diluted the crap out of the franchise's most popular character.
Tokyo Gore Police (product link) Action/Adventure / Horror Wildly inconsistent tone hurts this splatterfest. Over the top gore works well in stuff like "Riki-Oh" or "Evil Dead", which is obviously kinda' campy and not taking itself too seriously. TGP is DEAD serious from the get go, the story is very dark, and Eihi Shiina never cracks a smile or lets the audience know she's in on the joke. The whacked out sci-fi premise was pretty interesting but undermined by the silliness of the gore.
Kinda' like an uneven mix of "The Machine Girl" and "Blade Runner", it's still worth a look.
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Too tedious. The gore effects were shot poorly. It needed to be more consistent like Dead Alive or Story of Ricky.
I agree the tone was inconsistent and hurt the film a bit, but disagree that the film is attempting to be dead serious. I think there's just a clash between this particular deadpan comedy style and the slapstick gore.
Pretty much everything that comes out of anyone's mouth is LOL-worthy, the CGI is total crap, the dialog about Megalodon is literally lifted word for word from Wikipedia, they re-use the same action shots over and over, and Lorenzo Lamas' character completely disappears out of the movie with no explanation.
The Calamari Wrestler (product link) Action/Adventure / Comedy Brilliant absurdist comedy, this is pretty much "Rocky" but with wrestling, and the main character is a giant squid. The humor in the film mostly comes from the fact that everyone plays these cliched/formula sports movie scenes with a giant squid with a straight face. Bizarre deadpan funnies.
Zombie Hunter Rika (product link) Horror / Action/Adventure Kinda the same thing as "OneeChanbara" ("Chanbara Beauty") but better. Campy horror/comedy with a zombie-slaying Japanese schoolgirl and tons of gore. The plot description is a little off though, Rika is not "torn to shreds by zombies" and put back together...but she does have a surgically re-attached arm and a magic sword, which is almost as good.
Dobermann (product link) Action/Adventure / Crime Explosive, vicious, and funny, this cult gangster flick from France offers up plenty of enjoyable thrills. Vincent Cassel is excellent as the charismatic thief Dobermann, but Tcheky Karyo steals the show as the psychotic and brutal cop tailing Dobermann's gang. This flick is stylish without taking itself too seriously.
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This flick moved along at a nice clip and than came to a screeching halt in the club scene. This movie is still alot of fun though.
Hell's Ground (product link) Horror / Thriller This low budget flick may be a little derivative of classic American horror films, but it has a nice middle eastern flavor and the director really gets maximum value out of his sets and locations. Creepy atmosphere and some bloody kills.
Crank 2: High Voltage (product link) Action/Adventure / Crime More of the same mayhem as the first time around, "Crank 2" is a cavalcade of boobs, gore, and cursing. The electrical charge gimmick isn't quite as fun as the original adrenaline premise, though, and Bai Ling's character is really annoying.
Star Crash (product link) Science Fiction / Action/Adventure This Italian "Star Wars" wannabe is so hilariously bad I don't even know where to begin. Let me just say this: it's got David Hasselhoff in mascara having a lightsaber duel with stop motion animated robots. If THAT doesn't make you want to see "Star Crash", nothing will.
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OMG I do not want to watch{{{{SHUDDER}}}}David Hasselfhoff! You should warn people if you are going to use his name! And he always wears mascara. Exscuse me I am about to be physically ill!
Shuttle (product link) Horror / Thriller Decent little thriller wholly grounded in reality. A couple of minor plot holes are easily glazed over by the breakneck pace which is maintained throughout. Good suspense and a nasty ending.
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For me the true test of this film was how much it stuck with me months after viewing. Immediately after first watching it I was pretty unimpressed, but it gets creepier with time.
Bad Boy Bubby (product link) Comedy / Drama Unusual indy flick from Australia about a 35 year old man who has spent his entire life locked in a small apartment with his depraved mother, only to be suddenly forced out into the world by her death. He is completely childlike, and can only communicate by repeating things he's heard other people say. He eats pizza for the first time, befriends a cat, develops a BBW fetish, joins a rock band, etc., etc. It sounds like it should be ridiculous, but the performance of the lead actor Nicholas Hope is incredible, and he totally sells the bizarre transformation that Bubby undergoes. Strange but compelling.
Zombie Strippers (product link) Horror / Dark Comedy Well, it has zombies, and strippers, and zombie strippers, so it certainly delivers what it promises. However, this flick is hampered by bad acting, terrible production values and cheesy jokes, although Robert Englund has a few funny moments as the sleazy club owner. The 15 second Tito Ortiz cameo was probably the best thing.
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Aw man! You didn't dig the dialog? I thought this film was a lot better than it seemed on the admittedly crappy surface.
3 Dev Adam (product link) Action/Adventure Possibly the greatest idea ever conceived: Mexican wrestling star Santo and Captain America doing battle with psycho criminal gang leader Spiderman. Half of this movie is fistfights and brawls that look like they were improvised in one take. See this movie.
Circle Of Iron (product link) Action/Adventure / Fantasy A nice attempt at bringing an original Bruce Lee script to life, but Jeff Cooper is just so terrible and awkward (with both his acting and his action scenes) that he drags the film down to the level of camp.
For Bruce Lee completists or lovers of cheese only.
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AUTHOR
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Jeff Cooper's real world fighting abilities do not translate well into this film, and he was no kind of an actor, so he is a lead weight on "Circle of Iron."
Bare Behind Bars [Blue Underground] (product link) Erotica / Crime This is basically pornography with a prison theme. There is little violence and even less gore, but pretty much every female in this movie is a lesbian who either gets naked repeatedly or stays naked throughout. Plenty of soft and hardcore sex, not much of a story.
Ilsa, She Wolf Of The SS (product link) Drama / Erotica "Ilsa" is your basic women-in-prison flick with a WW2 setting, and a perverted S&M Nazi running the show instead of a sadistic prison warden. Plenty of nudity, torture, and kinky sex.
Meet The Feebles (product link) Animation / Comedy An early splatter comedy from the twisted mind of Peter Jackson, this one is like the Muppets on crack. You know you're in for something different when you see a walrus having sex with a Siamese cat in the first 5 minutes. Gross and funny.
In The Realm Of The Senses (product link) Drama / Erotica Kinda' boring. Not titillating/sleazy enough to be exploitation or porn, but the story isn't really interesting enough to make it a good movie either. I'm sure it's possible to make an interesting film out of the life of Abe Sada, but this isn't it.
Baise-Moi (product link) Crime / Thriller French "art" film made by a bunch of porn stars and shot on digital video (i.e. it's pretty amateurish). This is basically the hardcore porn version of "Thelma And Louise", as two chicks drive around France, bang tons of dudes, and then rob and kill them, all for no apparent reason. Sex and violence at its most basic, but not terribly sexy.
Dainipponjin (product link) Comedy / Action/Adventure A dry and satirical mockumentary about a man who gets shocked with electricity to become giant and protect Japan from monstrous baddies. Starts out slow with subtle black humor, but devolves into completely hysterical farce by the end. Clever comedy that lampoons the traditional idea of a kaiju film. SUPER JUSTICE!!!
Salute Of The Jugger (product link) Action/Adventure / Science Fiction A pretty formulaic sports movie, except it's set in a post-apocalyptic wasteland and "The Game" is a bloody and violent affair played with a dog's skull. Kinda' like "Rollerball" meets "Mad Max". Rutger Hauer plays the grizzled veteran leading a ragtag team of Juggers who challenge a dangerous team from "The League". Awesome fun and a total guilty pleasure. The uncut version is much better than the truncated US cut.
Scarlet Diva (product link) Drama / Erotica Kinda' self-consciously arty in places, this is more a montage of scenes about obsession than a real narrative. Still, plenty of skin (including Asia completely naked) and softcore sex scenes, plus a fantastic soundtrack.
Eko Eko Azarak 2: Birth Of The Wizard (product link) Horror / Thriller The actress playing Misa Kuroi is cuter in this prequel (a change in hairstyle makes a big difference), and the production values are clearly higher than the original. However, by moving things beyond the "teenagers trapped in a high school" original, it somehow loses some of its charm. Still, some nice scenes of supernatural possession and magic.
Last House On The Left [2009] (product link) Horror / Thriller Offers better quality acting and gore over the original, but not much else. The music is terrible, everything is too dark to see, and they make inexcusably dumb changes to the story. Garret Dillahunt's creepy performance in David Hess' role is the only thing worth seeing here.
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